Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Walking down Memory Lane
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 669264" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Thank you Feeling. In comparison to what you've endured, my trauma pales. I am truly amazed at how brave you are.</p><p>I do not know what makes my sister behave the way she does. She can be quite loving at times. Since she was a little girl, the focus had to be on her. My Nana had some wonderful jewelry, sister developed a ritual. " Nana can I see your jewelry box?" My Nana would oblige. Sis would look through the trinkets asking this and that. Then she would ask, "When you go, can I have this?" When Nana agreed, she would say "Can I have it now?" Nana would give it to her. Of course, she ended up with many family heirlooms. Her excuse- Don't ask, don't get.</p><p>Sis had wrangled some of Dads items after his death. Mom is a "purger" when Nana passed she cleaned out her room and dispursed things as if in a trance. I think that was how she dealt with the loss. She did the same thing with Dads stuff, in haste, a cleansing, as if her sorrow would lessen removing items from her view. Who do you think got a lot of it? Yes, sister. Mom woken up from her daze of loss and diagnosed with cancer started asking where is this and that? I told my sister, just give it to her, she is trying to relive her past while dealing with her illness. If it will bring comfort give it back to her!</p><p>My kids told me about a quip she had with my Mom yesterday. I brought out my Dads high school football trophy for my son to look at-he is playing football at school.</p><p>Sis shot me a look and said "That's mine you know" I ignored her and put it back in Moms room. While I was in the room my kids said their Aunty told Tutu that the trophy was hers and "Can I get it back? Oh never mind I'll just get it when you die."</p><p>I am baffled by this. I used to think of my sister as forward, brash, unfettered? Now I think she is just plain abusive. Narcissistic?</p><p>Her phone call to me was about not fighting anymore. She will not say she is sorry for her antics growing up. </p><p>I started to wonder if I was being silly, or if I was a mirror of my difficult children playing the blame game? I do realize that the latter is not true, I don't blame my sister for my life's choices, rather, feel my childhood experiences are a part of me.</p><p>When my difficult children speak to me of past hurts I own them, say I'm sorry , I tried my best, I am human, I make mistakes. If it makes them feel better, I will apologize, but not fall into guilt, that is the new me.</p><p>I am not trying to judge my sister, just examining to understand what makes her tick.</p><p>What I have learned is to use better judgement. I do not need to go back in my history with her, it is an unfruitful exercise. I am able to set boundaries, and be more predicting as far as her responses and reactions. Narcissism is an addiction to the self. In many ways, her actions and reactions point to that.</p><p>So much discovery has occurred on this journey. </p><p>Thank you Feeling, for being here with me.</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 669264, member: 19522"] Thank you Feeling. In comparison to what you've endured, my trauma pales. I am truly amazed at how brave you are. I do not know what makes my sister behave the way she does. She can be quite loving at times. Since she was a little girl, the focus had to be on her. My Nana had some wonderful jewelry, sister developed a ritual. " Nana can I see your jewelry box?" My Nana would oblige. Sis would look through the trinkets asking this and that. Then she would ask, "When you go, can I have this?" When Nana agreed, she would say "Can I have it now?" Nana would give it to her. Of course, she ended up with many family heirlooms. Her excuse- Don't ask, don't get. Sis had wrangled some of Dads items after his death. Mom is a "purger" when Nana passed she cleaned out her room and dispursed things as if in a trance. I think that was how she dealt with the loss. She did the same thing with Dads stuff, in haste, a cleansing, as if her sorrow would lessen removing items from her view. Who do you think got a lot of it? Yes, sister. Mom woken up from her daze of loss and diagnosed with cancer started asking where is this and that? I told my sister, just give it to her, she is trying to relive her past while dealing with her illness. If it will bring comfort give it back to her! My kids told me about a quip she had with my Mom yesterday. I brought out my Dads high school football trophy for my son to look at-he is playing football at school. Sis shot me a look and said "That's mine you know" I ignored her and put it back in Moms room. While I was in the room my kids said their Aunty told Tutu that the trophy was hers and "Can I get it back? Oh never mind I'll just get it when you die." I am baffled by this. I used to think of my sister as forward, brash, unfettered? Now I think she is just plain abusive. Narcissistic? Her phone call to me was about not fighting anymore. She will not say she is sorry for her antics growing up. I started to wonder if I was being silly, or if I was a mirror of my difficult children playing the blame game? I do realize that the latter is not true, I don't blame my sister for my life's choices, rather, feel my childhood experiences are a part of me. When my difficult children speak to me of past hurts I own them, say I'm sorry , I tried my best, I am human, I make mistakes. If it makes them feel better, I will apologize, but not fall into guilt, that is the new me. I am not trying to judge my sister, just examining to understand what makes her tick. What I have learned is to use better judgement. I do not need to go back in my history with her, it is an unfruitful exercise. I am able to set boundaries, and be more predicting as far as her responses and reactions. Narcissism is an addiction to the self. In many ways, her actions and reactions point to that. So much discovery has occurred on this journey. Thank you Feeling, for being here with me. Leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Walking down Memory Lane
Top