Marguerite
Active Member
easy child 2/difficult child 2 has been EXTREMELY anxious lately. Tantrums, door slamming, incredibly touchy - it's really difficult. She's increasingly obsessive and it's hard to even talk to her about it.
Example - when she is talking to someone, maybe recounting an even or explaining something, she HAS to go into minute detail (often getting off topic) and WILL NOT be interrupted. If anyone tries to say, "Get to the point," she screams, "WHY SHOULD I BOTHER?" and slams off, usually for the rest of the evening. Yesterday the trigger was me telling her, as she got home, that one of her car ID plates (not the number plate, but the green "P" she has to display front and back as part of her restricted licence) had blown off in a gale a few days earlier, difficult child 1 & I grabbed it before it blew away and it was in our garage. I didn't even finish explaining when and why, she began to explain how she thought someone had stolen both her plates perhaps in the shopping centre where she was parked, because she had parked with the back of the car to the buffer and it was where people could walk behind the car... etc, looking like she was going to go on talking for another half hour, while I still needed to finish telling her to just go get the darn thing and put it back on her car, and let me get on with dinner preparations. But as soon as I began to try to speed her up, she screamed, "SHUT UP! I HATE being interrupted!"
I'd had enough of walking on eggshells and just wanted to get on with dinner, plus her shout at me was too much - I looked her in the eye and said, "I do not appreciate being spoken to in that tone."
She slammed out of the room.
husband went after her, things were seemingly quiet, then she came slamming back in even more of a rage. About half an hour later I heard her sobbing in BF2's arms in the bathroom. There was no way we would be able to talk to hr about it.
And again tonight. I was in the bedroom talking to husband, she had just interrupted us to comment on something totally irrelevant to us, and within a minute or two we heard her sniping at one of her brothers. I went out to find out what was going on and to try to defuse what sounded like an escalating situation. Turns out she was lecturing difficult child 3 about something. I asked, "What's going on?" and difficult child 1 said, "easy child 2/difficult child 2 is lecturing difficult child 3."
She turned on him and screamed, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Mum! Stay out of it!"
I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Remember me? I'm the one you're talking to, leave him alone and come and tell me." I walked away, expecting her to follow, but she stayed to badger difficult child 1 who wasn't taking it. By this stage I was outside and within seconds I head a door inside slam as she came outside. I said, "Please don't slam doors, it's not good for them."
"I DIDN'T slam the door! Oh, why do I bother!" and she continued into the room she shares with BF2, slamming THAT door after her.
So I went back inside and asked difficult child 3, "What was the problem?"
"Don't ask me!" he was on edge. Last night's tantrum of hers also put him on edge. I finally got him to calm down and he had to admit, he hadn't understood why she was lecturing him.
Half an hour passed. I went back to the kitchen and found easy child 2/difficult child 2 seemingly recovered, getting herself some dinner which I'd left out (since I couldn't go and call her for dinner, she is unapproachable in that mood).
difficult child 3 was in the back of the room, trying to stifle giggles. I asked him, "What's the matter with you?" but all he could do was giggle, and his giggle is very infectious. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was smiling a little and said, "He just started giggling and he won't tell me, he's just being silly."
After she left the room, difficult child 3 said, "It was something funny I thought of. I didn't want to tell her in case she got angry again, but I thought, she spends so much time yelling at people, it's no wonder she's always complaining of having a sore throat." And he burst into giggles again.
When easy child 2/difficult child 2 came back into the room I risked telling her - to her credit, I got a rueful smile from her. When she's calm she KNOWS she's out of line, but trying to talk about it often sets her off again. She has agreed to talk to the doctor about her anxiety levels and her anger (a lot of which is fed by compulsions and other people's failure to follow her rules).
I'm hoping the GP is available tomorrow, because I can't take much more of this. I don't think our doors can, either. We've already had to take the innards out of the door latches because they broke inside. Now we have a useless knob with a button catch on a flat striker plate. You pull the door shut or push it open, no more knob turning. For doors which need to close properly, we've installed a small bolt which is slid across manually. It's not affected by slamming.
She's a great kid a lot of the time, but when things aren't going right, or she's extra tense, or things are challenging for her - it's not good.
All suggestions and ideas welcome. Remember, this is a kid whose only diagnosis is ADD, inattentive type. She thinks she has mild Asperger's, she's also done the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) test on herself, but her specialist won't hear it. She's too old to change doctors (we would need to see a pediatrician and she can't simply go and find another, she's only seeing THIS bloke because she first started seeing him when she was a child). She's too bright to accurately assess anywhere that is geared to assess mostly children - even difficult child 1 was missed by such a clinic, when he was 16.
So - any ideas, people?
Marg
Example - when she is talking to someone, maybe recounting an even or explaining something, she HAS to go into minute detail (often getting off topic) and WILL NOT be interrupted. If anyone tries to say, "Get to the point," she screams, "WHY SHOULD I BOTHER?" and slams off, usually for the rest of the evening. Yesterday the trigger was me telling her, as she got home, that one of her car ID plates (not the number plate, but the green "P" she has to display front and back as part of her restricted licence) had blown off in a gale a few days earlier, difficult child 1 & I grabbed it before it blew away and it was in our garage. I didn't even finish explaining when and why, she began to explain how she thought someone had stolen both her plates perhaps in the shopping centre where she was parked, because she had parked with the back of the car to the buffer and it was where people could walk behind the car... etc, looking like she was going to go on talking for another half hour, while I still needed to finish telling her to just go get the darn thing and put it back on her car, and let me get on with dinner preparations. But as soon as I began to try to speed her up, she screamed, "SHUT UP! I HATE being interrupted!"
I'd had enough of walking on eggshells and just wanted to get on with dinner, plus her shout at me was too much - I looked her in the eye and said, "I do not appreciate being spoken to in that tone."
She slammed out of the room.
husband went after her, things were seemingly quiet, then she came slamming back in even more of a rage. About half an hour later I heard her sobbing in BF2's arms in the bathroom. There was no way we would be able to talk to hr about it.
And again tonight. I was in the bedroom talking to husband, she had just interrupted us to comment on something totally irrelevant to us, and within a minute or two we heard her sniping at one of her brothers. I went out to find out what was going on and to try to defuse what sounded like an escalating situation. Turns out she was lecturing difficult child 3 about something. I asked, "What's going on?" and difficult child 1 said, "easy child 2/difficult child 2 is lecturing difficult child 3."
She turned on him and screamed, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Mum! Stay out of it!"
I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Remember me? I'm the one you're talking to, leave him alone and come and tell me." I walked away, expecting her to follow, but she stayed to badger difficult child 1 who wasn't taking it. By this stage I was outside and within seconds I head a door inside slam as she came outside. I said, "Please don't slam doors, it's not good for them."
"I DIDN'T slam the door! Oh, why do I bother!" and she continued into the room she shares with BF2, slamming THAT door after her.
So I went back inside and asked difficult child 3, "What was the problem?"
"Don't ask me!" he was on edge. Last night's tantrum of hers also put him on edge. I finally got him to calm down and he had to admit, he hadn't understood why she was lecturing him.
Half an hour passed. I went back to the kitchen and found easy child 2/difficult child 2 seemingly recovered, getting herself some dinner which I'd left out (since I couldn't go and call her for dinner, she is unapproachable in that mood).
difficult child 3 was in the back of the room, trying to stifle giggles. I asked him, "What's the matter with you?" but all he could do was giggle, and his giggle is very infectious. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was smiling a little and said, "He just started giggling and he won't tell me, he's just being silly."
After she left the room, difficult child 3 said, "It was something funny I thought of. I didn't want to tell her in case she got angry again, but I thought, she spends so much time yelling at people, it's no wonder she's always complaining of having a sore throat." And he burst into giggles again.
When easy child 2/difficult child 2 came back into the room I risked telling her - to her credit, I got a rueful smile from her. When she's calm she KNOWS she's out of line, but trying to talk about it often sets her off again. She has agreed to talk to the doctor about her anxiety levels and her anger (a lot of which is fed by compulsions and other people's failure to follow her rules).
I'm hoping the GP is available tomorrow, because I can't take much more of this. I don't think our doors can, either. We've already had to take the innards out of the door latches because they broke inside. Now we have a useless knob with a button catch on a flat striker plate. You pull the door shut or push it open, no more knob turning. For doors which need to close properly, we've installed a small bolt which is slid across manually. It's not affected by slamming.
She's a great kid a lot of the time, but when things aren't going right, or she's extra tense, or things are challenging for her - it's not good.
All suggestions and ideas welcome. Remember, this is a kid whose only diagnosis is ADD, inattentive type. She thinks she has mild Asperger's, she's also done the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) test on herself, but her specialist won't hear it. She's too old to change doctors (we would need to see a pediatrician and she can't simply go and find another, she's only seeing THIS bloke because she first started seeing him when she was a child). She's too bright to accurately assess anywhere that is geared to assess mostly children - even difficult child 1 was missed by such a clinic, when he was 16.
So - any ideas, people?
Marg