Wanting to share

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jungleland, Jun 26, 2008.

  1. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Hi family. It's been forever since I last updated.

    I felt I needed a break from cd.com for a while, I had a major psychiatric break and some major yuck weeks.

    On June 7th, I attempted suicide by taking too many prescription medications. I was in a coma for 18 hours. husband and the kids found me and the ER told him there was little to no hope of me surviving and if I did, would probably not be doing very well mentally. Well, on hour 19 I woke up enough to pull out my G tube, thankfully without totally messing up my esophagus.

    I was unable to talk due to an enormously sore throat, took about a week to get my voice back, and still it is sore and I am hoarse.

    I seem to have all my facilties back. I have no memory of the day of the incident or a few days after. But I am doing remarkably well, considering I so very nearly succeeded with my plan.

    husband is a mess. He just doesn't get how I could have gotten so depressed to do such a thing. I guess I was pretty good a burying my feelings in front of him and others.

    I feel so very stupid to have done such a thing. But that night and several days prior, I was in such a deep, dark hole of depression that I didn't see any other way out. Aly had been giving me such a hard time, and husband was expecting me to have her while he worked all summer long. I just couldn't get my mind to wrap around the fact that I could do that for him. And, our financial situation right now is so out of control and that was something I just couldn't figure a way out of.

    Now that I am home and seeing an amazing therapist 2-3 times weekly, I am feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. Also seeing a great psychiatrist and she has added Neurotin and Trazadone and increased my Paxil. I also am trying to hang out with my sis' horses more and they are incredibly therapeutic.

    Aly is giving husband a very hard time and HE approached ME about looking into Residential Treatment for her. We have a meeting with her 2 tdocs, the psychiatrist and my therapist next week to discuss placement options. I can hardly believe husband is finally willing to even talk about it. We have finally been on the same page as far as Aly is concerned and it feels amazing.

    I wasn't going to share this with y'all, but felt weird not sharing. You all have been with me throughout so many things through the years, and I feel we are all family. I am not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I mostly wanted to share that even though I did something stupid and very drastic, I did come out of it a very changed and stronger person. I hope that me sharing this very personal tragedy might help someone else who is feeling deeply depressed and hopeless. There IS SO MUCH to live for and I nearly lost it all. I am so very thankful that I am here and able to have a second chance at life.

    I love you all,
  2. Christy

    Christy New Member

    We are thankful as well! I'm so glad you are through the worst of your depression and are on the road to recovery.

    I hope things continue to look up for you and you get the help you need for Aly as well.

    Best wishes,
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    OMG, Vickie...you should know you can always go here for support. I'm so saddened that this happened, but so happy that it came out good.

    Please check in and let us know how you are doing.

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    We love you dear, and I am so very glad that you're still with us.

    I am so sorry the depression grew so overwhelming. I've been on that edge myself and when you're in that black pit........Do not beat yourself up for being ill. Even in our deepest darkest moments God has a plan.

    I am so glad you connected with a good therapist and psychiatrist. I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself. And I am much releaved that husband is finally opening his eyes and is willing to work together.

    Know that no matter what, we are always here for you. Always.

  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Vickie, I am so happy you have made it through that dark time in your life. Finding a good therapist is a wonderful start! Thank you also for sharing your story.......sometimes we don't realize how difficult things can become for ourselves and others......Just glad you posted and are on your way back to a healthy life.......
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so sorry you have been in so much pain. Please don't beat yourself up, work with your therapist adn psychiatrist to pick yourself up to go on. I am glad husband is on the same page with regards to Aly. Bless him for finding you and saving you by calling the ambulance!!

    I hope that you continue to heal from this.


  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Always know that we are here for you. I'm so glad husband found you in time and that you are in a better place right now. It's good to hear husband is finally on the same page as you in regards to Aly. Keep on taking care of you. Many gentle hugs.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Wrapping you in a big hug.

    My heart hurts that you were that depressed. I am glad that you pulled through.
  9. KateM

    KateM Member

    ((( Vickie)))

    You know you can always come here for support! I'm so happy that you are taking care of you and that you and husband are on the same page about Ally.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Vickie}}} I'm so glad you're with us. Gentle hugs coming your way~
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Vickie I am glad you are here. Gentle hugs, and I hope that therapy is working. Make sure to take time for yourself.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Vickie...many hugs...I'm so glad you're doing better.
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I am so glad your husband found you in time and that luck was on your side.

    Big hugs.
  14. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Vickie, I'm glad that there was an angel looking over you that day and brought your husband in time. I'm also glad that he has found his way through it all to see what's going on. It's wonderful that you have found yourself an amazing therapist. And finally that Aly will be getting the help she needs too.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us and giving back the hope and encouragement that this board gives to us all. Allowing us to see the deeply personal side effects that we all can experience.

    {hugs} for you and your family and may this new strength and hope continue on as the changes progress into many good things. :)
  15. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Just prayers for you and yours. And a big hug.
  16. So glad to hear that you have made it through this rough journey and are doing better. My thoughts and prayers are with you along with a gentle, supportive hug.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Vickie...many hugs. Im so glad that husband found you in time.

    As someone who has been in that situation before and battles with those thoughts constantly, I hope you all the best with therapy and the new medications. Making the connection with a good therapist can make all the difference in the world.

    Im glad you shared here. Goodness knows I have shared more personal stuff here than you can shake a stick at...lol. There have a been a few times when all that kept me from going over the edge were a few folks here at the board and the way they reached out to me. This is a good family.
  18. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Vickie,

    I so understand...a few years ago I took too many Klonopin and had the same mindset...Because I had gotten addicted to that Benzo I also went through a physical withdraw when my Dr stopped prescribing it for me after my abuse of it. It was the worst physical withdraw I could have ever imagined, I cried out for G-d to save me...my mother took me to the hospital on my hands and knees.
    Im so glad the worst is over for you...but take it slow. Good to hear about the therapist too...whatever helps and it sounds like you are getting it.

    Hugs and love to you...just wanted you to know I understand. It'll get better, promise!

  19. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Glad you're here!

  20. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Aw, honey, I'm so glad you are still with us. I hope you continue to feel better.