Jungleland
Welcome to my jungle!
Hi family. It's been forever since I last updated.
I felt I needed a break from cd.com for a while, I had a major psychiatric break and some major yuck weeks.
On June 7th, I attempted suicide by taking too many prescription medications. I was in a coma for 18 hours. husband and the kids found me and the ER told him there was little to no hope of me surviving and if I did, would probably not be doing very well mentally. Well, on hour 19 I woke up enough to pull out my G tube, thankfully without totally messing up my esophagus.
I was unable to talk due to an enormously sore throat, took about a week to get my voice back, and still it is sore and I am hoarse.
I seem to have all my facilties back. I have no memory of the day of the incident or a few days after. But I am doing remarkably well, considering I so very nearly succeeded with my plan.
husband is a mess. He just doesn't get how I could have gotten so depressed to do such a thing. I guess I was pretty good a burying my feelings in front of him and others.
I feel so very stupid to have done such a thing. But that night and several days prior, I was in such a deep, dark hole of depression that I didn't see any other way out. Aly had been giving me such a hard time, and husband was expecting me to have her while he worked all summer long. I just couldn't get my mind to wrap around the fact that I could do that for him. And, our financial situation right now is so out of control and that was something I just couldn't figure a way out of.
Now that I am home and seeing an amazing therapist 2-3 times weekly, I am feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. Also seeing a great psychiatrist and she has added Neurotin and Trazadone and increased my Paxil. I also am trying to hang out with my sis' horses more and they are incredibly therapeutic.
Aly is giving husband a very hard time and HE approached ME about looking into Residential Treatment for her. We have a meeting with her 2 tdocs, the psychiatrist and my therapist next week to discuss placement options. I can hardly believe husband is finally willing to even talk about it. We have finally been on the same page as far as Aly is concerned and it feels amazing.
I wasn't going to share this with y'all, but felt weird not sharing. You all have been with me throughout so many things through the years, and I feel we are all family. I am not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I mostly wanted to share that even though I did something stupid and very drastic, I did come out of it a very changed and stronger person. I hope that me sharing this very personal tragedy might help someone else who is feeling deeply depressed and hopeless. There IS SO MUCH to live for and I nearly lost it all. I am so very thankful that I am here and able to have a second chance at life.
I love you all,
Vickie
I felt I needed a break from cd.com for a while, I had a major psychiatric break and some major yuck weeks.
On June 7th, I attempted suicide by taking too many prescription medications. I was in a coma for 18 hours. husband and the kids found me and the ER told him there was little to no hope of me surviving and if I did, would probably not be doing very well mentally. Well, on hour 19 I woke up enough to pull out my G tube, thankfully without totally messing up my esophagus.
I was unable to talk due to an enormously sore throat, took about a week to get my voice back, and still it is sore and I am hoarse.
I seem to have all my facilties back. I have no memory of the day of the incident or a few days after. But I am doing remarkably well, considering I so very nearly succeeded with my plan.
husband is a mess. He just doesn't get how I could have gotten so depressed to do such a thing. I guess I was pretty good a burying my feelings in front of him and others.
I feel so very stupid to have done such a thing. But that night and several days prior, I was in such a deep, dark hole of depression that I didn't see any other way out. Aly had been giving me such a hard time, and husband was expecting me to have her while he worked all summer long. I just couldn't get my mind to wrap around the fact that I could do that for him. And, our financial situation right now is so out of control and that was something I just couldn't figure a way out of.
Now that I am home and seeing an amazing therapist 2-3 times weekly, I am feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. Also seeing a great psychiatrist and she has added Neurotin and Trazadone and increased my Paxil. I also am trying to hang out with my sis' horses more and they are incredibly therapeutic.
Aly is giving husband a very hard time and HE approached ME about looking into Residential Treatment for her. We have a meeting with her 2 tdocs, the psychiatrist and my therapist next week to discuss placement options. I can hardly believe husband is finally willing to even talk about it. We have finally been on the same page as far as Aly is concerned and it feels amazing.
I wasn't going to share this with y'all, but felt weird not sharing. You all have been with me throughout so many things through the years, and I feel we are all family. I am not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I mostly wanted to share that even though I did something stupid and very drastic, I did come out of it a very changed and stronger person. I hope that me sharing this very personal tragedy might help someone else who is feeling deeply depressed and hopeless. There IS SO MUCH to live for and I nearly lost it all. I am so very thankful that I am here and able to have a second chance at life.
I love you all,
Vickie