Wardrobe malfunction

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jun 11, 2008.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, difficult child has a 5:30 game, and I pick him up at his friend's house at 4:45, rushing (I had been out running errands) and as he's hurriedly ripping through the dirty laundry pile for his baseball uniform (blech) he pulls on his dirty shirt and clean pants and announces, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, my zipper broke." :crazy1:

    It is now 4:55 and we're supposed to be on the field 1/2 hr early and he's standing in the middle of the kitchen, sucking in his gut, and I'm trying to get the zipper to lock in past the first inch, where the teeth are completely missing. Then he points out that the top teeth are also missing. So I trash the kitchen drawer looking for safety pins as he's shouting, "Hurry! We'll be late!" and there is not a single safety pin in the drawer.

    I dash upstairs to get pins, as he's shouting after me, louder and louder, "HURRY!" which is really aggravating me, and I zoom back down, put on my reading glasses, and start pinning from the inside out--while he's in baseball pants he clearly outgrew 2 wks ago when I wasn't looking. They're so tight he looks like a plastic Ken doll. (Aka Barbie and Ken.)

    "I don't want the pins to show!" (No kidding.)
    So here I am, up close and personal with-my pubescent 11-yr-old difficult child, ruminating on how totally dependent he is at this very moment in time. He can break dishes, punch holes in walls, give me bruises, call me names, refuse to do chores, and every other manner of chaotic, supposed independent behavior, but he is totally dependent upon Mom and Her Safety Pins Right Now, as though the world will stop turning on its axis if these pins are not inserted swiftly and efficiently and we are 1/2 sec. late for the game.

    The last pin is inserted. He exhales. The crotch stays closed.

    And then he says, "I left my hat in easy child's car and she's at the beach." :biting:

    Oh, gawd. You're not allowed on the field with-o a hat.

    I just told him to get in the car because if he didn't show up at all, he most defintely couldn't play, but if he showed up with-a pinned crotch and no cap, he at least had a 50/50 chance.

    He played. Every time he reached for a ball in the outfield, I prayed that the pins wouldn't pop open into his privates and make his scream in anguish and miss the ball. (Am I a team mom or what?)
    He caught every single ball perfectly. The pins held their place. He wore someone else's cap.

    They lost 16-1.

    It's never easy, ya know?

    Oh, that reminds me, I have to call another mom and get a size Large pants for him to wear to closing ceremonies Sat. :tongue:
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Isn't amazing what you can do in a short period of time?

    When my easy child was younger, I called her from work saying I was on my way to pick her up for a volunteer job. Her reply, "I just put my uniform in the wash machine 3 minutes ago" (And this happened THREE times :hammer: Did she actually think the pants could wash and dry within 5 minutes?
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Terry, you definitely earned Warrior Mom status today. Glad difficult child got to play in the game despite the loss (and glad his pants stayed up, too!).
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh, man! 16 - 1? That just *****! I bet that was a pleasant ride home! :rofl:
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations to you, Terry, for NOT poking him while pinning his pants closed! Once again, Mom saves the day! Too bad they lost so horrendously.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I think that factored into why he was so picky about his food and he only took a cpl bites. Now he's eating gluten free waffles and he's supposed to be in bed ... sigh.
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    A Warrior Mom in hand-to-hand combat! Wow! You're good! roflol

    Sorry about the loss -- boohoo.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh you bring back the memories!

    My boys played ball from ages 7 to 13 so we had many of those days. The most memorable missing hat day was one when my car got totaled so it had been towed to a garage and my son had walked to the field to play. His hat happened to be in the car. I was bruised from head to foot so I had to wait for their dad to get home to get a ride so I was late which is why son walked. Can you believe the (badword) coaches wouldnt allow him to play even when they learned why he didnt have a hat? That was his last year playing.
  9. Christy

    Christy New Member

    I can never find a darn safety pin when I need one so good for you for locating them! And of course, for saving the day! It is amazing how one minute our difficult children can't wait to be rid of us and the next minute they are desperately denpendent upon us.

    Way to go!
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhh, Janet, I would have been steamed. So sorry.
    Coaches need to remember what they announce on opening day--this is for fun, and for sportsmanship. Who CARES about one hat? Can't they borrow for 5 min? I know, I know, responsibility, but as you said, it was a car accident.
  11. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Terry thank you so much for the chuckle this morning - my days of "I can't find my hat, pants, shirt, cap, cleats, shinguards and my clothes are still in the washer/dryer/need ironed (yeah right I don't even own an iron) are pretty much over. I don't recall even owning a safety pin, but have been know to SEW the zipper section together in a panic right before a game.

    difficult child plays on two club soccer teams, and refs a boys team so although he has gotten the clean clothes, everything in one place to be ready to grab and run for a game down pat, had a melt down the other day yelling because he couldn't find the tape for his shin guards. Where is my tape - MOM - did you see my tape - who took my tape #*$&&Q@ my tape, my tape, where is my tape, and it was reving up cause not only could he not find his tape, he is now late - still mumbling as he goes out the front door - slam... LOL

    Yep... nice not to be in charge of that stuff anymore...but it was kinda funny to look down after he left to see HIS dog munching on the shin guard tape..

  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    LOL! I love dogs ...

    I hadn't thought of sewing him into his pants. THAT would have been a treat.
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad to hear he made it to the game thanks to you! Sorry the loss was so bad.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. He's got a loaner pr of size L from a friend for Sat.
  15. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I agree with the others - Way To Go Warrior Mom!!! Thanks for making me laugh!!! Things have been wild around here with end of the school year activities. I really needed to laugh!!!

    Hope the loaner pair works out well!!! WFEN