WARNING: rambling update not much new, just venting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well, what's up everyone??? Thought I'd share the minute progress and plan for this week. Q still has had an angry outburst at least daily. His general anxiety has remained higher so many past, put to rest issues have surfaced. I am not going to jump on anything but the seizure issue because until he is settled in somewhere we wont know what is causing what (one change at a time is what works best with him) so as long as I can manage it behaviorally, I will stick it out.

    Can't remember even where I left off so I will summarize last week:

    The sp ed director and coordinator were supposed to ask and get answers to the questions regarding placement options and arrange for me to tour places two weeks ago. I got a message on FRIDAY that coordinator had JUST talked to our home high school and so the only time they had for a tour would be 12 on Monday. I reminded her of the multiple emails and times where I explained that with Q off of school I have to find care for him. He is with the home bound teacher at 10-11:30 just half a mile away so??? sounded like a good time to me! She said they had other commitments which I suspect were not there two weeks ago. Or at least not EVERY day for two weeks when we could have scheduled it at that time. My mom can't care for him and she was my only back up. I finally got one Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker to change his schedule to come and take him after school and stay with him till his therapy at 3. BUT that means THEIR routine is changed and Q is already perseverating on that. Idiots.

    And even with visiting this ONE place, the IEP meeting is scheduled for the next morning. I have had to shift money for extra times for our home psychiatric to go to these meetings and I am not going to ask him to go to this one. There is just not enough information to let me know what to do and I am not going to waste hours of fees on a meeting where nothing will really be talked about. Idiots.

    They want me to sign a change of placement and the law advocate says no way. We will make sure the wording shows that it is a temporary/interim IEP before we sign anything.

    I got a great summary from the home bound teacher and she said several times she is loving working with Q. He has not been heaven for her by any means, but I guess some people like that kind of thing.

    Again, not sure I said this here so sorry if it is a repeat..... but..... She saw I was reading Lost in School. She said "I love that book. In fact the entire behavior team is doing a book study on it for credit and then we are planning to bring it to the district" Can you imagine... it could actually help kids but of course in terms of Q ...probably not since it would most likely not affect anything wide spread for many years.

    Still, she said that on her second day of working with Q she was thinking of the kids in the book. She said he is exactly the kind of kid they need to do better with and to use more effective skill building strategies.

    She also said, when she asked me where I was considering placing him, that she thinks the SUN2 program is in the worst possible building and she wishes to high heaven they had picked a different school and used a more separated hall (like they do for some ecse programs). I wish that too.

    I was connected to a parent of a child who attends the EBD program where the SUN program is located. Her son is in 10th grade and has been there since 8th grade. That means his class is on the opposite end of the one hall that the classes are all in. I told her about the police showing up the day I was there and their saying that it was only the third lock down code they had had all year. And that the other two were for medical issues. She said, well if her son is to be believed... they do often call the police to break up fights. OMG THAT is exactly what Q would seek out if he saw it. He even told me yesterday, mom...when I get that mad people all come around me so I know they like it and so I will keep them around me. His intense need for attention, and not getting it through any other method because if he makes a mistake they dont work on it, they end it...no chance to learn the skills...just sink or swim......he is going to get people in his world in any way he can.

    She did say she has no fears for her son regarding drugs or even smoking because with how small the school is and with the adult to kid ratio being so amazing they are never without an adult around.....even in the bathrooms.

    She feels they need to move their son because he is not being challenged academically and he could be college bound. That is not a concern for me. I suspect they do have to gear to the kids with more challenges because so many kids with behavior issues have them due to learning needs in general.

    She also said it is a really hard group there right now and in the last two weeks they finally divided up the high school kids because the more intensive "ODD/CD" kids were mixed with kids like her son who has anxious attachment issues, depression etc... but no fighting kinds of stuff (he will run off though) and his grades ...even with no homework and low expectations had gone down to D's. So, they listened to the parent complaints and took care of it within a week and her son has not been complaining that he is miserable any longer. His grades have come up. But it is only two weeks into this new format. (again, not the program Q would be in but speaks to the general nature of the school)

    I asked if when teh cops were called for these fights, were the kids then arrested and charged or was it just for safety that they were called. She said her son thinks they are charged. But she said it is hard to know if kids really know or just assume or tell stories.

    She said there is a ton of swearing all around the school and she feels like they dont do enough to work on it...of course I can see that they have to prioritize etc... So I am nto criticizing but again, for Q.... that could be the kiss of death for any hopes of his reducing the behaviors. They assure me that he would be very isolated from the general population for most of the day but it would only take five minutes of transition or lunch room behavior or bathroom time words to have him develop habits that last for many years. My gut says no way... my mind says but what else can I do???

    I have to just hold tough and wait to see more. I think they are dragging their feet so I will feel pressured to pick something. But I will tough it out and pick the best option (the best of the worst is what I fear it will be though).

    I got a copy of a letter to the district that the MN law center wrote. They attached my letter of concerns regarding the psycho.

    She made a ton of demands including compensatory education for Q. She asked for a formal letter of apology from the school and staff to both me and to Q. (I wont hold my breath because that would mean they could be held liable I assume...like an admission of guilt)

    I have been feeling this pain that goes from my heart area and shoots to the right, into my breast...not intense but on and off and it lasts for about an hour. I think it is related to my esophageal issues from the autoimmune disease but I can't also help but be a little cautious. My doctor did listen to my heart a couple of weeks ago and nothing bad ... but no tests or anything were done. I might get it checked out just for peace of mind. It is not the pounding anxiety feeling I have experienced in the past. Seems to just happen on and off. but I am sure overall stress could be making it worse. I am not freaked out or anything, but being a single mom...I just always feel like I need to be pretty careful. (my BiPolar (BP) was tons lower last dr appointment and I was down 8 more lbs).

    Pretty rambly update....thanks for listening. I am in one of those thoughts just rolling around in my head states...I was so pi$$ed off last week with the coordinator and really did not send my nice emails as I usually do. I cc'd everyone on each email. So frustrating that she waited till the last minute to make the appointment. UGG.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You go with your gut. Like usual.
    Not sure what SHE had in mind, but to me... the way they have treated Q means that now they have to do whatever it takes to reverse the damage... EVEN if it means coming up with a whole new program, and have to track down other kids to fill it.

    Probably yes. Can you say the words "pilot program"? and it needs to start in September.

    The suspense and the negativity and the hidden agendas... are super mentally taxing. I feel for you,
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Oh Buddy. You and Q have had it so rough these past few weeks. I pray that tomorrow goes smoothly, and he is OK with the change in schedule and is OK with his Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker while you are at the H.S.
    And, I am by no means a Dr., but I had some similar pain when I was super stressed about difficult child. I chalked mine up to stress. Then wondered later if it could have been a gallbladder flare. Who knows. I do hope that it is somethingminor and that you feel better soon. HUGS
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    luckily, my gall bladdar was removed when I was in my late twenties. I had a huge infection and emergency surgery. VERY painful. this is not that intense.... a shooting/jab pain that goes right into my rt. breast from just right of my heart area. I have upper back issues just at that level too so along with the esophageal issues it could be nerves zinging from that area too..... I am sure it is nothing but dont want to be stupid.
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry the school is still trying to call the shots. When THEY set up a tour that fits THEIR schedule but doesn't fit yours, tell them. THEIR schedule is not important, yours and Q's is. What does the advocate say about it? Why should you have to rearrange your life to fit THEIR schedule when THEY are the ones that caused the problem in the first place.

    As for the health issue, I totally hear you. As a single parent, I completely understand where you're coming from. Best to be cautious. Praying it IS just "stress pains".

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} and support......as always.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Try hard to hang in there and get some rest- you are doing great- you already know what I think about you taking care of yourself and making sure you're 'ok', too. I'll reiterate though- it will come back to bite you if you don't make sure your needs are met when it's a few years down the road. Taking care of yourself isn't a privilege, it's a necessity.
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    It sounds like your sped department is using the same tactics our sped department used - Lots of procrastination (no money has to be spent during this period), inconvenient scheduling of meetings (try to make it look like they're doing their job and if you can't make it, then it's your fault, not theirs), decisions already made without team meeting, (of course, this is always denied, can't be proved), etc.

    I think they're hoping they can wear you down, day by day, until the point they can do what they want. Maybe they're too stupid to realize what they're up against:warriorsmiley:, or then again, maybe they just don't care - The longer they procrastinate, the less money they spend... It can become a vicious circle... No one wins, sadly, it's our difficult children who lose the most the longer this "game" continues. You're doing an excellent job. Hang in there... Q will get everything he needs. It's just so sad it has to be this difficult...

    Please, please take care of yourself!! Make a doctor's appointment and get checked out. Hugs... SFR
  8. Nikki88

    Nikki88 New Member

    Thinking of you today, and sending you lots of strength!!
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks, we are at the library and actually though it is never fun (waiting for medications to kick in is always the most challenging part of the day) we did stop for a not so nutricious breakfast and he did great and we got here and two of the teachers, the one we used at the middle school and the one who is working with him now are there. She says it is because she is afraid she does not know his triggers etc. Here is the thing. If this girl who KNOWS him already can come with her, why not have it be her in the first place. SO there are TWO fully licensed teachers here at the library with me. And what IF something did happen here.... you think a library is going to be calm and understanding??? Their wisdom astounds me. (low chance of it unless he starts to feel boxed in)

    uggg. so now I wait till 12 when the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker comes and I can go see the high school. I just have so little hope right now for a good outcome in any of this. At least for this year.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Umm.... I thought this new teacher was NOT afraid, that things were going well...
    Wonder who's been telling her things and setting this up to fail...
    Flag with the legal advocate... immediately.

    The school must NOT make ANY change whatsoever to how Q is handled - no change of staff, no additional staff, no change of location, no change of time, no NOTHING... without your approval and at least 1 week advance notice.

    On second thought, flag therapist and psychiatrist, too.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    She says she is not.... after last Fri, Q had tried to pull her chair out as a joke and also back handed/punched her in her arm...she said not to hurt or even mean. It just got her thinking, so she said, that IF something happened, what if she didn't handle it right? so I don't know, I dont trust anyone anymore.
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I think you are right to be paranoid. If homebound is working so well, the SD is being proved wrong so why not throw incompetence back in so we are "right" again. This sounds like so much BS. I like Insane's idea. Definitely fill advocate and docs in AND make them stick to the "routine", no changes or additions in ANY way, not even with notice as far as I'm concerned.