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warrior moms with- grandbabies please advise...URGENT
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<blockquote data-quote="Masta" data-source="post: 63084" data-attributes="member: 308"><p>Thank you to all who have been keeping track of my story and have asked how the meeting went.</p><p></p><p>The meeting: In attendance were myself and husband, foster parents, case worker and her boss, difficult child, her b/friend and his parents.</p><p></p><p>The meeting started with the b/f's mom apologizing to difficult child for something she said to her. they didn't go into detail.</p><p></p><p>then the meeting started to focus on difficult child burning bridges with everyone and the lies she has told everyone. difficult child said she didn't like how the meeting was going. she didn't want us (her parents) to meet her b/friends parents in this type of setting. (well she had 2 mths to introduce us). husband said well if you didn't tell caseworker and foster mom we couldn't attend the two previous meetings we would of met the parents. difficult child denied saying she didn't want us there...caseworker and foster mom said difficult child said those words. difficult child said do you have that documented on paper.</p><p></p><p>caseworker kept discussing difficult child burning the bridges, difficult child said she feels like this meeting was held to call her a liar. then b/friend stepped in and said he thinks everyone is confused and we should focus on now and the future.</p><p></p><p>I said to the b/friends parents im sure you are wondering why my difficult child is in foster care. they said yes. I said she was placed in care because she would not let me parent her. difficult child said she never knew why she was in care (now this could be lack of insight on her part, doctors reports say she has no insight). husband said.. it wasn't a surprise, we didn't just packed you up and send you off to care. we dealt with many yrs of turmoil before we decided this was best for everyone.</p><p></p><p>case worker said you are in care for dependency. difficult child said that's all she was ever told. caseworker went on to tell difficult child her parents did all they could. difficult child said you never say these things in front of my parents, how good they are etc. (which funny enough I believe difficult child when she says that about caseworker) </p><p></p><p>caseworker has rosy colored glasses on. caseworker basically said everyone in the room is there to support her... caseworker went around the room and asked if everyone was going to stick by difficult child. we all said yes. caseworker said if you burn bridges eventually you will have no-one left to support you.</p><p></p><p>I grilled the b/friend for a bit asking him what his plans were. asked him if he graduated etc. he hasn't. he plans on getting his g.e.d. I asked him and his parents if he went to the self contained classroom for boys (usually court ordered) (my daughter was in the sc classroom for girls due to mental illness) they said yes he was for a little while. I asked them if they wouldn't mind telling me why b/f was in there or if it was a touchy subject they said its a touchy subject so I left well enough alone. b'f's mother said b'f is so smart he fooled high school and acted disabled and was placed in a special class. it was weird that she told us at...how she was proud that her son was smart enough to be able to get away with that.</p><p></p><p>caseworker tried to go over what the state will do to help difficult child money wise and whats out there for her.</p><p></p><p>difficult child was asked to apologize to foster mom for verbally abusing her. difficult child said she would rather do that in private (which means it wont happen).</p><p></p><p>I asked b/fs parents if they have enough room for my difficult child they said no, but they will make room. b/f's mother said they may need to rent a storage unit for difficult children stuff. difficult child previously told me they had a big home. b/f's mom has taken in one of b/f's friends (she seems to be a mother who helps others without knowing the full story)</p><p></p><p>to me b/f's mother is co dependant and admitted it herself. I cant pin point whats wrong with b/f's family but it doesn't seem right how they could instantly love my difficult child and treat her like their own in a matter of 2mths. b/f's mom seems to want to be too involved. buying baby clothes when difficult child found out she was 5 weeks preggers (she is 10 weeks now and they have just about everything needed). helping her son buy a ring (he is 17yrs old). b/f's parents have little money but they can afford to go buy stuff. i would have at least waited till she was past 12 weeks and then only buy little at a time if i were in their situation. b/f and his mom go garage sale shopping for the baby.. i dont think my difficult child likes that.</p><p></p><p>foster dad said b/f's house is a small rental, and dilapidated inside. </p><p></p><p>everyone was asked if they would help baby-sit if needed. I didn't answer with a yes or no, I said im still trying to accept the fact im gonna be a grandma. difficult child didn't ask to move back home.</p><p></p><p>my difficult child has always said she didn't want kids. this is a complete turn around for her. when I saw her at this meeting I could tell she was either scared or didn't want to be in this situation. im wondering if she got pregnant because she just finished school and didn't know what to do with herself (even though the State and difficult child planned on difficult child going to beauty school) difficult child is learning disabled but was helped through school. i think difficult child knows she wouldnt be able to attend a technical college without allot of help. difficult child is someone who cannot handle change.</p><p></p><p>im glad the meeting didn't end up with everyone fighting.. it was headed there for a brief minute with difficult child trying to say how do we know people in this room haven't lied. she tries to blame others for her actions all the time.</p><p></p><p>as for some of your questions: we have documentation that says difficult child has no insight, difficult child has had a MMPI (or kids) and was due to take another MMPI for adults this Nov. that wont happen now. it states both sides of her brain are damaged. she has had neuro pyschs done all say she is emotional and mentally delayed. her iq has stayed the same from 8th grade till now (about 4yrs) its 92. difficult child does suffer from central auditory processing disorder. </p><p></p><p>no matter what documentation I have the caseworker will not even listen to me suggesting difficult child go to a group home. caseworker just cant take her rosy colored glasses off. im too tired to keep fighting her on this issue. foster mom has finally seen the light. she use to be on the same page as caseworker, until recently when difficult child showed her true colors. foster mom wanted to go down a list of issues she had with difficult child including all of her lies. she was frustrated when she didn't get to do this in the meeting. she said to me difficult child has lied and nothing got solved. I said I know. she asked me how do I manage to live with all of difficult child crap. I said I pick my battles and I have detached as much as I can. foster mom is going through the anger stage, im past that.. I try to avoid difficult child and her crap when I can. </p><p></p><p>husband said to foster mom in private we have enough room at our house so difficult child doesn't have to rent a storage unit and foster mom said to husband, I wouldn't go there if I was you. she said she wasn't going there herself. like I said foster mom has had rosy colored glasses on, so for her to see the light is wonderful in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>to summarize: difficult child will be moving in with b/f's and his parents aug 15th and there isn't anything I can do about it. b/f's parents seem to attend all of difficult child meeting and court dates. I sure hope she doesn't burn the bridges with her new soon to be in-laws and her b/f. im sure I will get to see the grandbaby from time to time. I know I will not raise the child. my difficult child for sure has borderline pd... she only contacts us when something new is happening in her life, or her birthday, other then that we never hear from her.. she acts out during xmas etc she says its because she isn't at home with us. she has been like this for years, since she went into the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and foster care. so I don't know if I will see the baby much and that's ok with me. I will love the baby from a distance and when I do get to see it I will smother it with affection. baby is due end of Feb 08.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Masta, post: 63084, member: 308"] Thank you to all who have been keeping track of my story and have asked how the meeting went. The meeting: In attendance were myself and husband, foster parents, case worker and her boss, difficult child, her b/friend and his parents. The meeting started with the b/f's mom apologizing to difficult child for something she said to her. they didn't go into detail. then the meeting started to focus on difficult child burning bridges with everyone and the lies she has told everyone. difficult child said she didn't like how the meeting was going. she didn't want us (her parents) to meet her b/friends parents in this type of setting. (well she had 2 mths to introduce us). husband said well if you didn't tell caseworker and foster mom we couldn't attend the two previous meetings we would of met the parents. difficult child denied saying she didn't want us there...caseworker and foster mom said difficult child said those words. difficult child said do you have that documented on paper. caseworker kept discussing difficult child burning the bridges, difficult child said she feels like this meeting was held to call her a liar. then b/friend stepped in and said he thinks everyone is confused and we should focus on now and the future. I said to the b/friends parents im sure you are wondering why my difficult child is in foster care. they said yes. I said she was placed in care because she would not let me parent her. difficult child said she never knew why she was in care (now this could be lack of insight on her part, doctors reports say she has no insight). husband said.. it wasn't a surprise, we didn't just packed you up and send you off to care. we dealt with many yrs of turmoil before we decided this was best for everyone. case worker said you are in care for dependency. difficult child said that's all she was ever told. caseworker went on to tell difficult child her parents did all they could. difficult child said you never say these things in front of my parents, how good they are etc. (which funny enough I believe difficult child when she says that about caseworker) caseworker has rosy colored glasses on. caseworker basically said everyone in the room is there to support her... caseworker went around the room and asked if everyone was going to stick by difficult child. we all said yes. caseworker said if you burn bridges eventually you will have no-one left to support you. I grilled the b/friend for a bit asking him what his plans were. asked him if he graduated etc. he hasn't. he plans on getting his g.e.d. I asked him and his parents if he went to the self contained classroom for boys (usually court ordered) (my daughter was in the sc classroom for girls due to mental illness) they said yes he was for a little while. I asked them if they wouldn't mind telling me why b/f was in there or if it was a touchy subject they said its a touchy subject so I left well enough alone. b'f's mother said b'f is so smart he fooled high school and acted disabled and was placed in a special class. it was weird that she told us at...how she was proud that her son was smart enough to be able to get away with that. caseworker tried to go over what the state will do to help difficult child money wise and whats out there for her. difficult child was asked to apologize to foster mom for verbally abusing her. difficult child said she would rather do that in private (which means it wont happen). I asked b/fs parents if they have enough room for my difficult child they said no, but they will make room. b/f's mother said they may need to rent a storage unit for difficult children stuff. difficult child previously told me they had a big home. b/f's mom has taken in one of b/f's friends (she seems to be a mother who helps others without knowing the full story) to me b/f's mother is co dependant and admitted it herself. I cant pin point whats wrong with b/f's family but it doesn't seem right how they could instantly love my difficult child and treat her like their own in a matter of 2mths. b/f's mom seems to want to be too involved. buying baby clothes when difficult child found out she was 5 weeks preggers (she is 10 weeks now and they have just about everything needed). helping her son buy a ring (he is 17yrs old). b/f's parents have little money but they can afford to go buy stuff. i would have at least waited till she was past 12 weeks and then only buy little at a time if i were in their situation. b/f and his mom go garage sale shopping for the baby.. i dont think my difficult child likes that. foster dad said b/f's house is a small rental, and dilapidated inside. everyone was asked if they would help baby-sit if needed. I didn't answer with a yes or no, I said im still trying to accept the fact im gonna be a grandma. difficult child didn't ask to move back home. my difficult child has always said she didn't want kids. this is a complete turn around for her. when I saw her at this meeting I could tell she was either scared or didn't want to be in this situation. im wondering if she got pregnant because she just finished school and didn't know what to do with herself (even though the State and difficult child planned on difficult child going to beauty school) difficult child is learning disabled but was helped through school. i think difficult child knows she wouldnt be able to attend a technical college without allot of help. difficult child is someone who cannot handle change. im glad the meeting didn't end up with everyone fighting.. it was headed there for a brief minute with difficult child trying to say how do we know people in this room haven't lied. she tries to blame others for her actions all the time. as for some of your questions: we have documentation that says difficult child has no insight, difficult child has had a MMPI (or kids) and was due to take another MMPI for adults this Nov. that wont happen now. it states both sides of her brain are damaged. she has had neuro pyschs done all say she is emotional and mentally delayed. her iq has stayed the same from 8th grade till now (about 4yrs) its 92. difficult child does suffer from central auditory processing disorder. no matter what documentation I have the caseworker will not even listen to me suggesting difficult child go to a group home. caseworker just cant take her rosy colored glasses off. im too tired to keep fighting her on this issue. foster mom has finally seen the light. she use to be on the same page as caseworker, until recently when difficult child showed her true colors. foster mom wanted to go down a list of issues she had with difficult child including all of her lies. she was frustrated when she didn't get to do this in the meeting. she said to me difficult child has lied and nothing got solved. I said I know. she asked me how do I manage to live with all of difficult child crap. I said I pick my battles and I have detached as much as I can. foster mom is going through the anger stage, im past that.. I try to avoid difficult child and her crap when I can. husband said to foster mom in private we have enough room at our house so difficult child doesn't have to rent a storage unit and foster mom said to husband, I wouldn't go there if I was you. she said she wasn't going there herself. like I said foster mom has had rosy colored glasses on, so for her to see the light is wonderful in my opinion. to summarize: difficult child will be moving in with b/f's and his parents aug 15th and there isn't anything I can do about it. b/f's parents seem to attend all of difficult child meeting and court dates. I sure hope she doesn't burn the bridges with her new soon to be in-laws and her b/f. im sure I will get to see the grandbaby from time to time. I know I will not raise the child. my difficult child for sure has borderline pd... she only contacts us when something new is happening in her life, or her birthday, other then that we never hear from her.. she acts out during xmas etc she says its because she isn't at home with us. she has been like this for years, since she went into the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and foster care. so I don't know if I will see the baby much and that's ok with me. I will love the baby from a distance and when I do get to see it I will smother it with affection. baby is due end of Feb 08. [/QUOTE]
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