Warrior mothers, look at these stats...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ThreeShadows, Jan 27, 2013.

  1. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    What about the US?

    I love my grown kids, but so far they've all been out and independent by 21 and I hope the trend continues here.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    At a glance it's pretty close mirror to the economic climates in those countries.
  4. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    That's fascinating. Look at those Scandinavian countries -- such a low figure. And then the southern European, especially Mediterranean ones -- some more than 50%. Unbelievable!

    Love, Esther
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm liking the Danish culture more and more ... :)

    It would be interesting to see "why." Is it cultural, as in, Grandma, Mom, and Granddaughter live together because it's been that way for 5,000 yrs? Or is it the gov't, offering benefits? Or not offering benefits? Or rent being too high?
  6. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    All of that and some other reasons too. I live in one of the lower number countries. And I'm sure your Italian mom would consider us cold and not at all family orientated. So it is cultural. But it is also about opportunities, availability of housing, price of it and government benefits. The map is only EU so for example Russia is not on the map. But I could guess that in some eastern EU countries they may have the same situation. I know the Russian family, they live in greater Moscow area. Husband is a teacher and wife is a nurse. They have a son who is a army captain and he has a wife, who has a doctorate in engineering and works in University as an assistant professor. They have one young child and are in their late twenties. They live in small three rooms plus kitchenette, one bathroom apartment together, because they simply can't afford anything bigger or separate apartments. Not that there would be much available anyway.

    In my country those living with parents at age 25 or older often have a good reason for it and are not usually difficult children. At least those I know. First there are those who do as it has always been done. Mostly in rural area and farmers. In family farms several generations have always lived together and it may not make sense to people to build an other house to the farm, if the main house is spacious and the kid at home is taking over the family farm. though nowadays they do often build another house when they marry or the parents move out to nearby town to the flat. But some still do multi-generation living. Then there are special needs kids. Even though nowadays the goal is for special needs kids to move out in appropriate time, not all families want that and on the other hand with mid twenties they may still be in waiting list for good placement especially if they haven't been ready for it when they were twenty. For example I know one family who has their 24-year-old down daughter still home. They felt she wasn't ready for supported independent living when she was twenty and she was placed to waiting list only a year ago. And they are waiting for totally new building to be built so she is expected to move spring 2014. And knowing those things, it can easily be fall before the building is ready and program in works.

    We do have high benefits and lots of subsidised housing available so no one really needs to live with parents because of that. But sometimes it is the easiest decision. In the specific area I live, semi-rural going suburb area very close to big city with high rents, we have more young adults living at home than in many other areas. Most of us have spacious houses, many of our kids go to university in that big city and because of parents living so near they are last in line for affordable student housing. they are also last in line for affordable city-owned housing. The needer go first. So they either have to pay high free market rents or stay home. While kids still at school or starting in their first job, many are willing to keep kids living home. I can see that happening with easy child. Because our kids start school late, they also graduate late. With easy child he takes and extra year in High School because of the sport. He will be nineteen, turning twenty, when he graduates. Then there are military obligation and after that we have promised him a gap year to see, if he could turn a pro in his sport. If that is not going to happen, it is back to school. Our golden standard for many jobs is the masters degree, so five to six years in University. He may be 28 when he is done with school. I can easily see him still at home when he is 25 if he choose to study in nearby city. Because he wouldn't get student housing, rent would be around 800 dollars and his living stipend would be lower than that. And we have high food and transportation costs. Part time jobs don't pay well, he would need to work a lot and that could make keeping up with studies difficult. So we could either help him financially or simply keep him living at home. We have over 3000 square-feet house we can't sell (has been husband's family for generations.) It would feel plain silly to pay easy child live in the tiny flat 10 miles away with the room-mate and still keep this house warm, when we actually need tiny part of it. of course it is likely that in that point easy child has a girlfriend he wants to live with and that changes things. But also makes it easier for them to find a flat. Wanting to live with SO makes it possible to get that affordable student housing. It is considered a good reason to want out of your parents place even though they don't want to give that housing to singles who have well-to-do parents, with whom the kid gets well along living spaciously in commuting distance.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I can tell you that much of those numbers are both cultural and economic as SuZir says. Children do not leave home to go to college. I can only speak to my Italian families. They get educated at universities that are in the area. Mother's guard their son's with warrior attitude. Not sure why but they are taken care of by their mother's until a proper wife steps in. : ) Property ownership and rent are very expensive in Italy, taxes are high and jobs scarce. So I think in traditional families this is how it is done. You have a boy/girl friend for years before you can afford to marry. I didn't see a lot of serial dating(like I did until I found the right one). It seems commitment starts younger and lasts longer until marriage. Not sure what the statistics are for how happy they are but it's what I observed as the norm. Not sure happy is a concern. Unless your spouse is abusive or not able to support the family then you are married. : )Not better or worse but different.