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Was I wrong for pulling difficult child out of high school when she was 16?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633431" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>They all blame us. It's part of GFGdom. I wouldn't pay any attention. She is the way she is by her own choices and maybe a personality disorder, which she will probably freak out if you suggest she treats. It is unhelpful for you to rethink everything you did. She is not this way because of any one thing you did. Maybe she inherited her personality from a relative. Sounds like she was always difficult. Maybe she needs help, for whatever reason (it's not you) but she won't get it, will she? Her adult life is in her hands. What happened when she was six or twelve or fifteen or eighteen...she can still decide to live a good life. Have you ever read "A Child Called It?" by David Pelzer? He was severely abused and wrote about it. It was hard to read. I cried a lot (none of our kids went through what David did, sorry). Yet he joined the service and now helps abused children. He has a wife and child and is a responsible human being, although he grew up being called "it." Nobody was even allowed to say his name. He was beaten, starved, poisoned and forced to live in the family's heatless garage in winter. THAT is abuse. Not the little stuff we did to help our situations, while our kids were warm and toasty and feeling entitled and powerful over us.</p><p></p><p>David did not grow up to be a difficult child and your daughter doesn't have to be one either. She is making that decision AND making the decision NOT to go for any help to change how she is. She wants to blame herself on you and you're accepting her nonsense, and it IS nonsense. Tune her out. Lock the door in your room, put the radio up, read a good book. Let her rant and rave to the wall.</p><p></p><p>I have a better idea, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I suggest you work on detachment.</p><p></p><p>If she is making you physically sick, in my opinion, she needs to find another place to live. It is not worth giving your life for her rants and raves and her unwillingness to help herself. You are far too wrapped up in her stuff. She is considered a woman now. When she doesn't act like one, it's time, again in my opinion, to give her a shove toward adulthood. She is abusing you and you are letting her do it. Would you let anyone else treat you like this? She has no right to abuse you either.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, she'd have a stern warning to start acting respectful or she'd be looking for a place to stay, even if she had to get on government programs because she refuses to work or can't work. She is in your house and has no right to do this to you. Did you act like this to your parents at her age? Think about it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633431, member: 1550"] They all blame us. It's part of GFGdom. I wouldn't pay any attention. She is the way she is by her own choices and maybe a personality disorder, which she will probably freak out if you suggest she treats. It is unhelpful for you to rethink everything you did. She is not this way because of any one thing you did. Maybe she inherited her personality from a relative. Sounds like she was always difficult. Maybe she needs help, for whatever reason (it's not you) but she won't get it, will she? Her adult life is in her hands. What happened when she was six or twelve or fifteen or eighteen...she can still decide to live a good life. Have you ever read "A Child Called It?" by David Pelzer? He was severely abused and wrote about it. It was hard to read. I cried a lot (none of our kids went through what David did, sorry). Yet he joined the service and now helps abused children. He has a wife and child and is a responsible human being, although he grew up being called "it." Nobody was even allowed to say his name. He was beaten, starved, poisoned and forced to live in the family's heatless garage in winter. THAT is abuse. Not the little stuff we did to help our situations, while our kids were warm and toasty and feeling entitled and powerful over us. David did not grow up to be a difficult child and your daughter doesn't have to be one either. She is making that decision AND making the decision NOT to go for any help to change how she is. She wants to blame herself on you and you're accepting her nonsense, and it IS nonsense. Tune her out. Lock the door in your room, put the radio up, read a good book. Let her rant and rave to the wall. I have a better idea, in my opinion. I suggest you work on detachment. If she is making you physically sick, in my opinion, she needs to find another place to live. It is not worth giving your life for her rants and raves and her unwillingness to help herself. You are far too wrapped up in her stuff. She is considered a woman now. When she doesn't act like one, it's time, again in my opinion, to give her a shove toward adulthood. She is abusing you and you are letting her do it. Would you let anyone else treat you like this? She has no right to abuse you either. If it were me, she'd have a stern warning to start acting respectful or she'd be looking for a place to stay, even if she had to get on government programs because she refuses to work or can't work. She is in your house and has no right to do this to you. Did you act like this to your parents at her age? Think about it. [/QUOTE]
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Was I wrong for pulling difficult child out of high school when she was 16?
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