Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Was ignoring your children a bad solution?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 667699" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is a hard post to answer. And of course none of us know the answer and it already happened so there is nothing you can do about the past.</p><p></p><p>This is my opinion only.</p><p></p><p>It is never good to ignore a child. Curiousity and tiresome talking can be turned into good traits, such as higher thinking and learning. Even if not, this is a child and he needs his parents, especially if he has few peer friends. It's possible he overtalked because of some childhood disorder that was overlooked, such as Aspergers. I personally don't believe that ignoring a minor child is ever a good solution.</p><p></p><p>Is your wife his mother? If she is not, I feel her method was not the right one. Of course, this is just ME and I have no idea of what others think or what was going on in her head. We are the adults, in MY mind, and when we make a decision to have children, we deal with them when they are young. We don't ignore them. So, I gently say in my opinion yes it was not a good idea. And it probably taught him that you are not there for him.</p><p></p><p>The good news is that you can drive up to college to see him and surprise him, with or without wife (without if she is not nice to him) and apologize. Our young adult children are often very forgiving. You can tell him you feel you did the wrong thing and would like to have a better, more open relationship with him now. It is not realistic in my opinion to expect him to talk to you now when you shut him down before; not withhout some sort of "get it all out in the open and taking responsiblity for your behavior" conversation.</p><p></p><p>All depends on what you want from him. You can't have a good relationship with anybody you won't talk to. And you can't change him. "We'd have talked to you if you hadn't been so tiresome." That would make him feel horrible. My own mother used to say things like this to me and it was devestating. Don't expect him to change himself...he sounds like a nice young man. He needs to be accepted and loved for who he is.</p><p></p><p>You may want to post this on Parent Emeritus, since he is over 18.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and I hope you can solve the problem. It will take in my opinion your being humble a nd honest to him and being able to take the blame for ignoring him. For some this is hard to do. But it really shouldn't be.</p><p></p><p>Take care!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 667699, member: 1550"] This is a hard post to answer. And of course none of us know the answer and it already happened so there is nothing you can do about the past. This is my opinion only. It is never good to ignore a child. Curiousity and tiresome talking can be turned into good traits, such as higher thinking and learning. Even if not, this is a child and he needs his parents, especially if he has few peer friends. It's possible he overtalked because of some childhood disorder that was overlooked, such as Aspergers. I personally don't believe that ignoring a minor child is ever a good solution. Is your wife his mother? If she is not, I feel her method was not the right one. Of course, this is just ME and I have no idea of what others think or what was going on in her head. We are the adults, in MY mind, and when we make a decision to have children, we deal with them when they are young. We don't ignore them. So, I gently say in my opinion yes it was not a good idea. And it probably taught him that you are not there for him. The good news is that you can drive up to college to see him and surprise him, with or without wife (without if she is not nice to him) and apologize. Our young adult children are often very forgiving. You can tell him you feel you did the wrong thing and would like to have a better, more open relationship with him now. It is not realistic in my opinion to expect him to talk to you now when you shut him down before; not withhout some sort of "get it all out in the open and taking responsiblity for your behavior" conversation. All depends on what you want from him. You can't have a good relationship with anybody you won't talk to. And you can't change him. "We'd have talked to you if you hadn't been so tiresome." That would make him feel horrible. My own mother used to say things like this to me and it was devestating. Don't expect him to change himself...he sounds like a nice young man. He needs to be accepted and loved for who he is. You may want to post this on Parent Emeritus, since he is over 18. Good luck and I hope you can solve the problem. It will take in my opinion your being humble a nd honest to him and being able to take the blame for ignoring him. For some this is hard to do. But it really shouldn't be. Take care!!!! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Was ignoring your children a bad solution?
Top