watching her struggle

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Feb 14, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    good morning everyone,

    haven't been posting like my usual feverish self lately hands have been ummm full. :)

    my little difficult child as many of you know from earlier posts is off her medication's now until her evaluation on the 27th of this month.

    it's been alot of different things as of late. it's been getting to see her true side, which at times is wonderful the drug cloud lifted she's alot more animated and bouncy like she used to be. yet we've both noticed that her moods are alot more pronounced shall we say. whether they be good or bad or switch inbetween infront of me.

    she hasn't been sleeping well even on the chlonidine. the nights i've given her the chlonidine she's been getting up in the middle of the night coming into our room, after she's completely wet her own bed and her clothes. she's been incredibly needy at school both academically and emotionally. the past two days she's lightened up on nurse visits but the week prior it was out of control to the point where the teacher took it upon herself to call her pyschdoc (release was in school) to ask for help in dealing with her. she's alot more argumentative, she got very angry last night at one of the other kids. i had given chocolates to his and mine for valentine's day. someone accused her of eating there's. then i was sitting in chair i'm not feeling well his little one difficult child she's got turner's syndrome was sitting on my lap his son difficult child also add was upstairs playing wiht my difficult child and she came down saw his daughter on my lap and lost it.

    she proceeded to carry on to the point where his daughter got very quiet who is usually quite aggressive while my difficult child ranted and raved about how i dont' care about her, etc. i had to remove her upstairs. she even called her dad to tell him how upset she was.

    then i had to lay with her that i do not usually do but with no me'ds and she was bouncing pretty bad two hours after i gave her the chlonidine i had to. she began arguing with me again, then id' say please close your mouth and i tried to stroke her hair to calm her she only flipped out more. got to the point i knew she wouldnt' sleep with me in there. one minute she was elated that today was valentine's day hte next she was crying. i left she passed out.

    watching her get up at 3 a.m. come into me i figured ok i feel terrible but let me get up adn see if i can get her bck to sleep in her own bed. then i realized it was covered in pee yet again. we dont have a washing machine so it's rough i have to run out just about every two nights to laundromat. i took her in bed with-us. i turned and looked at her at one point and the look on her face made me so sad.

    she looked so tired so embarrassed she wet her bed yet again i felt so so bad for her in that little moment at 3 a.m. watching her. i woke up in bad mood and twisted from it. his kids get up early with him they were down in living room carrying on and all i could think was be quiet. ugh!!

    i think we're holding up ok considering that she's not on medication's. i've even had moments where i watch her and think ok she doens't need medication's. then something like last night will occur and i realize yup something's very wrong. she slammed her door so hard when she got mad at me and then stomped her feet. her anger is so severe. i went and followed her and hugged her thru it.

    most of the time i can mask my feelings, put it all in perspective, think of these poor children who are medically suffering parents who know their children have a life long disease, etc. and i can keep it in check and say ok it's not that bad. yet at the end of the day i guess it's all relative.

    anyway that's it i guess. just had to get that out. she's still in bed which means i'm going to get to office very late today. i didn't go yesterday.

    it seems like our lives are transforming before my very eyes the girls and i even though i'm trying to hold onto past. i used to be that single mom who made good money handled everything. now here i am actually afraid that i'm quitting my good paying job becuase i can't get there relying on boyfriend to pay bills thinking about taking local teaching job for peanuts.

    scarey stuff.

    have a good day