Excuse me. I don't mean to alarm you. But your car is talking. And I don't mean that husky voice on your GPS system. Instead, your car is saying a lot about your attitude and your personality. Yes, we are what we drive. So with tongue firmly in cheek, here are what some popular rides say about you: Mazda Miatas - are sort of cute, and women like them, doesn't mean the guy who drives one isn't manly. More likely, he's secure enough in his masculinity to enjoy his little convertible. Toyota Prius - We get it. You love the planet like a fat kid loves cake. Tell you what I'll acknowledge your superior consciousness when you stop driving 52 in the fast lane. Hummer - Gotta hand it to you. You don't give a three-ton truck about what other people think. That's the attitude that tamed the Old West, that built the auto industry, that barged into Iraq to keep that oil...um, never mind. MINI Cooper (urban dweller) - You've got the haircut, the clothes, a taste for obscure bands and obscure coffee blends. What car could possibly make the cut in that hip dictatorship you call a neighborhood? MINI Cooper (suburban dweller) - "Oooh, honey, isn't that just the cutest thing?" Yugo - You have a sense of humor. And you're contemplating suicide. Chevy pickup - You hate soccer, unless your kids are playing. You still wonder what happened to Garth Brooks. You'll buy a Toyota pickup when there's a toboggan run in hell. Lexus - "I don't even like cars, but since this is shopping, I'm going to spend a lot of money." BMW - "My [insert noun] is better than yours." Rolls-Royce - "Please, tell me: What actually was so bad about colonialism?" Lamborghini - "This car is the most interesting thing about me." Porsche (as interpreted by Corvette owner) - "What a jerk. Probably a lawyer, trust-fund brat, never worked an honest day in his life. Bet he gets his nails manicured." Corvette (as interpreted by Porsche owner) - "What a jerk. Probably thinks NASCAR is real racing. He thinks 'dressing up' means a monogrammed bowling shirt." Corvette and Porsche (as interpreted by attractive woman) - "What a jerk. Probably takes Viagra. Twice divorced, mid-life crisis. Sad."