We need help

[Shari]

Hi, Phil. Sorry you had to find us, but welcome. Sounds like you're been thru the wringer.

You have received a lot of good advice. I wanted to add that a lot of bigger cities are starting special units on their police forces to deal with mental health issues. I have also discovered they aren't advertised. I would encourage you to call your police department and sherrif's department and inquire if they have something like that. If your local department doesn't, call another city. If they have one in our podunk town here in the sticks, surely one of the cities in FL does, too. These guys know a lot about what's available for treatment and parents' options for their kiddos. If you cant find anyone, PM me and I'll give you our officer's contact info. MO is a long ways from FL, but I'll bet he could get you a contact name.

Good luck. And hugs.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well...if the cops arent working, then try a different tactic. Go ballistic on mental health. Who does he see for his psychiatrist? If no one, start him at county mental health and start up that ladder. I realize you say that the hospital keeps sending him home stating no danger to self or others. Ahhh...such a lovely BS statement.

Get creative.

When he does start his little rampages through the house and tears things up...well..he is in a threatening mood. You "do fear him". Say so. He is threatening you. Say so. I was once asked if my son ever hit one of his brothers with a weapon. Say a stick or something. Well...Im sure they meant in anger but I knew if I said no, they would deny him a needed service so I said yes. In reality, he had hit them with a stick but it was when they were all sword fighting with sticks in the yard. Just a slight exaggeration to get what I needed.

You have to know the criteria for things and use it to your advantage. If danger to self or others is what gets him in, then make him be seen as a danger to self or others. My son ran from his last group home prior to being placed in the state mental hospital. I refused to take him home because I said he was not in my care at that time and that obviously he was a danger to himself if he ran from a group home and they couldnt keep him supervised with 24/7 staff. If they thought he wasnt a danger, call the group home to come pick him up. They wouldnt do it..so find a psychiatric hospital.

You have to get creative with the powers that be.

 

[phildjb]

Update for everyone.

On Christmas Eve, my difficult child 1 went ballistic and attacked me, shoving me thru the glass of the front door, then proceeded to shove my difficult child 2, and punch the walls and throw things and break multiple things. The commotion was so loud that my neighbors thought he was killing us and all called 911. Then my neighbor's son and husband came running over and pulled him out of the house and held him till the police arrived. He is now facing 2 charges of Domestic Battery and has been locked up in Juvie since this occured.
He has already called twice, saying he was sorry and he would be good. We told him that he always says that he is sorry and that he is going to be held responsible for what he has done.

Hopefully we are going to finally start getting the help that we so very badly need.

 

[GoingNorth]

I have a warning story I've never told here before. As I've mentioned before your time, my late husband was on morphine and other heavy duty painkillers for last two years of his life.

My nephew, then only seventeen, was from my brother in law's previous marriage. I knew he had a "bad drug problem", but not the details.

While at Passover at our house, A (or someone, it really had to be him) stole husband's pain medications from the cabinet in which we kept them.

We immediately got a lock box to keep all medications in. 2 weeks later A was found dead of what turned out to be an opiate overdose, specifically morphine and oxycontin.

We will never know until the day we die if what he ODed on was the medications he stole from us or not.

This happened nearly ten years ago...you HAVE to secure ALL medications in a locked storage of some sort. We used an old "ammo can" which was BOLTED to our bedroom floor.

husband and I had the only keys and we wore them on our persons from there on it. It took a death to open our eyes.

Please don't let it get to that point with your son!

We were very careful to make sure that all medications were out of the reach of visiting littles and our pets, but it never occured to us that adult guests to our home might steal them.

 

[mom_to_3]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. But................ this is the time that YOU DO NOT BRING HIM HOME! Now is the time, that someone else will be forced to help you if you don't bring him home. You may be threatened with charges from the powers that be, but I personally would stand strong and not allow your difficult child to return home. He has obviously needed help that you are unable to provide for a long time and has definitely been a threat to himself and others.

Take some time to rest and heal. I'll be thinking of you.

 

[klmno]

GN- what a tough thing to deal with! Of course it wasn't your responsibility for what A did, but I'm sure it was still tough.

Phil- I agree that this should be an avenue for getting intervention. But as someone who has lived thru similar efforts to get my son help, it might not be as simple as refusing to bring him home. Sometimes it works but sometimes that can cause more problems and result in less help. I would suggest talking to attny who is familiar with juvenile law and local courts in your area yourself and make sure you understand the ramifications and possible end results of each scenario- before his court date.

You might want to start a new thread on this because some people may not come back and read it without realizing that a new issue is at hand.

 

[GoingNorth]

A was injecting drugs before he died, and I know that if he'd cooked down those medications, one or two tablets would've been more than enough to kill him. And, I have no idea what other drugs he had in his system at that time.

I know rationally that it wasn't our fault. I just hate that it had never occurred to us to totally secure the medications. Like I said, I was worried about children or pets getting into them.

It's very sad as he was a bright young man who got totally tangled up in his addiction. I have to figure that it would've killed him sooner or later, whether it was our medications or someone else's.

 

[BusynMember]

I'm stuck on the possibility of fetal alcohol spectrum. If his birthmom drank while pregnant, and it sounds like she did, he likely is behaving like he has no conscience because he doesn't...kids with organic brain damage due to alcohol exposure in utero do NOT have a conscience and do NOT learn from their mistakes. And they can't help it. It's biological...a bit like Alzheimers. Often they substance abuse too and don't get that it makes them worse.

If you can take him to a neuropsychologist who agrees or thinks he has organic brain damage due to alcohol and drug exposure pre-birth, you could probably get him more help and put in a safe place where he'll be out of the house. It then becomes a physical disability rather than a psychiatric problem, which may be unfairly partly blamed on your and hub. I believe, you get more help with physical disorders.

Sadly, fetal alcohol spectrum doesn't get better and can't be cured by any techniques. Short of 24/7 watchdogs, all their lives, many end up in prison because they can't care what they do and don't learn from their mistakes...half the time they don't even remember what the consequences were. If they only have part of the spectrum, they will have normal IQ's but fail in school regardless and their brain damage is as debilitating as if they had the entire syndrome. It's not pretty and the kids are damaged for life.

I hope it all works out for you. I agree that he is very dangerous and needs to not only be out of the home, but given a safe place to live away from society. Sadly, often there is little to be done for a child like this. Seems you've tried it all. (((Hugs)))