we r up, we r down, Only a little while longer, please let me survive this...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Apr 6, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Q had a rough day. woke fine, took medications, no problems then I couldn't find my wallet (he had dumped my purse to find my keys which is the opposite of what I said to do and it fell down the side of my bed but I didn't see it for a few searches of course.....

    So I asked if he had seen it, and he went mute. Refused to talk at all. Driving the way to last day of home bound and I finally pulled over and told them he was not coming, that he was off today and I think this change is maybe hitting him ???

    (he had said, well mom, I should have know it was really "game over" when that happened at XXX school. He is using more and more idioms and slang which often is appropriate ....often close but no cigar, LOL)

    Then of course he changed his mind so I texted them and they had packed up but said to meet them to say good bye and they gave him this alligator animal he used each class to calm. He was super happy and gave good-bye hugs all around....

    I took him to the park and we played for hours, he even played with kids there and did really well, only a few weird statements like...."my mom drinks beer" OK so what??? I dont but I am an adult so if I did, big deal! So weird, then we went walking and he went silent again, refused to take his medications due at that time and I turned around and walked back to the car. Let him walk it off. He came back and took the medications.

    Got home and he was great and I let him go out and ride his scooter. Kids came home from school and he started escalating. borrowed another girls scooter (electric) and every time he saw me swore at me loudly so everyone would look. The high school boys were there too and the one is the boy he really looks up to and I KNOW he was thinking about the fact that now he does not get to go to school with him which is ALL he was looking forward to. So I think the reality of this all really hit. (not to mention his allergies are off the charts, and he has a very sore arm from a fall) IT is often a bunch of little things like this that ruin things and I dont realize it is coming till it is all of a sudden there, so he starts throwing rocks not at me this time though. I made the kids who often have tried to help, walk away. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) showed up and he refused to come, charged her several times, charged me (no actual hurting but he did grab the cd player and smash it...still works. She finally got him to her car.

    Took him to PT, I had sent a text NOT to go since he was so out of control but she missed it and he walked back and actually did what we teach him to do... he went into the pit and covered himself with foam and heavy things...but someone told him it was not his turn (it was actually) and he had to leave. I wish they had praised him for going to calm himself and not causing a scene. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) talked to him and he just left peacefully and they cancelled the appointment.

    They had up and down night.... we were going to meet at a park so he would not be able to be at our front door trying to get at kids. But he never made it. she called and had pulled over because he grabbed her shirt from behind (she was holding his food up front because he was not polite in the BK when they ordered it and he was mad, her shirt ripped) so I went to get him and he was screamming at me and kicking the car. she put his stuff in the trunk. I told him we were driving to the hospital if he did not calm, that meant no easter bunny and no school MON. "I dont care you B, Fing N word.... " I never respond to that because it means he DOES care. SO I drove and of course he said ok mom I just want to go home. WE got home and I took stuff out of the trunk and he had a fit and wanted to do it himself so I had to put it back he said... I would not but opened the trunk and if he wanted to load and unload again that was fine. HE did that.

    He is now downstairs and I am upstairs. he says he is mad because he knows I wont let him play with kids now. Darn right, he is not safe. I worry we will not get our lease renewed. Usually by now we have had notices about resigning. I would have to decide by the end of MAY if I wanted to move but couldn't do that without a boat load of money to move. and what kind of recommendation would we get??? I just dont know.

    Where to go anyway, neighbors are everywhere, at least these are known and no one has over-reacted yet. But if the office says we have to go I wonder. Our case manager says that can't happen because it would be due to his disability and they can't discriminate against him for his disability. (managers kid is the one who wrestled with Q and nearly choked him, the one Q looks up to, and one who sneaks in the garages to smoke pot, Q has no idea but I have watched it from our living room window.

    So she has difficult child problems of her own. He is a nice kid but in trouble a lot.

    Feel like hibernating. I actually DID throw up at 5:30, I had just eaten dinner and was so anxious I think. I called crisis intervention, and they said they would come meet me at the park and talk to him, IF needed. Luckily we didn't but he was nice to talk to for ME.

    I am totally spent. No actual physical harm to anyone but a small amount of property damage. I will replace her shirt of course, nothing Q can do to pay for it, but he will do chores to work it off for me.

    He thinks the Easter Bunny is coming. Of course he will but he will get a teeny tiny bit of candy, that is all. I gave him new shoes and had already told him that was his Easter present so not to be disappointed and I will put the shoe box there to remind him.

    I wish I could find a talking bunny to tell him off, not that it would do any good.....sigh.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It will be so much easier for both of you once you get past this transition.
    It just TAKES TOO LONG!
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    My sweet buddy-hugs to you.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am sorry it was such a rough day but I am glad you were able to see through it to the real reason. I agree with Insane, it will calm down once you're past the transition. For him, this one is HUGE but in the end I think he'll realize how much better this one is.

    Glad this trying time in his (and your) life is coming to an end. As for the housing, absolutely fight it if they do try to make you move. ALL his behavior is due to his disabilities and that is one NO manager or owner is prepared to fight. Definitely use the "disability" card if necessary!!

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both!
  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Oh, Buddy, what a tough day for you and Q. He may be terrified inside about the transition and unable to express it so he is acting out.

    Check your lease. They are probably supposed to give you a renewal within a certain amount of time or give you notice of non-renewal. I don't know about your state but there may be renter protection laws. In NYC, there are volunteers who come to the court houses to give advice. You might want to call up the bar association in your town or county and see if there is anyone who can answer your questions. If there have never been any formal complaints about Q, they may not be able to just throw you out.

    Good luck, enjoy Easter.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Buddy about the renting. I have no idea what sort of area you live in and I have no clue what is available or even if this would be any sort of something that would work but I am going to throw it out there. I could have never raised my boys in any sort of apartment or townhouse or even duplex type setting. I dont even think my boys would have done well in an area where the houses were right next to each other like a very close neighborhood. They needed country living where they had space around them. Now Im not saying they needed 40 acres so we had to drive 20 minutes into town because I am only 5 minutes to the closest grocery store and 4 minutes to a major interstate.

    They had room to roam around our house but they could also have kids near us but those kids were also out in the fields. They could climb trees, build forts and other sorts of outdoor stuff. I dont know if that would work for you or not.
  7. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Oh Dee, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time....were thinking of you yesterday!
    When I read your post it striked me that you have very full and busy days? For us, so much stuff would also push my son over the edge.....My son also sometimes do the swearing thing....he thinks this is what he needs to do to act cool!!! :(
    What's sad is that we look forward to these holidays, but then its just to much for our kids and everything turns upside down!!!!!
    I so pray for some peace and calmness for the 2 of you!
    gentle hugs to you both!!!!!
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks all...

    re: formal complaints.... not sure what "formal" is, legal stuff??? no. Have people complained about him, once in a while long ago. they sent me a letter maybe four years ago. But nothing this year, then again, it is all very recent. The managers son was there for the whole thing. uggg.

    About country living....I dont know of rentals in the country in our county. I have looked but haven't seen anything and I dont have a very good credit rating, so I am afraid of not being accepted anywhere if I dont keep this one. I just got another letter taht I am still on the waiting list for section 8 housing, that makes five years now.

    I think that would be the perfect solution too. Much much less stress.

    If anything does happen, luckily I work with the disability law center already. I know she would find me help.

    as for our schedule.....he had 1.5 hours of school in the a.m. and 1 hr of therapy in the pm. His Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker was to take him for the PM part and that has been that way for a year. When we stay home, he ends up exploding eventually, he does better when out of the house but not BY the house. (typically) He was worked up overall.

    Luckily, the rest of the night after he got home was totally uneventful, even nice. I know it will go south when he starts asking how he can earn going outside again. No way in hell I am going to risk that until all of this is settled again. I know there will be fights and I am going to just do what has been working. I get dressed as soon as I wake and have medications and my stuff packed. If he kicks off I head to the car and he follows.....we spend hours at the park. (almost hit a dear yesterday, poor thing)

    If this does not turn around, I guess I will have to look at the options we were discussing. Maybe someone moving in, maybe his moving out. I pray that does not happen. I dont feel like we have reached the point of no return (have been thru hard times like this before and once it got settled we had years of calm) but with this being puberty related too (I really believe that) and with his size/strength being a factor I will have to be more cautious. Breaks my heart.