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Weary mom of 15 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 711776" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Sorry to hear what you are going through; sounds very similar to my family's story too.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully you and your spouse are on the same page as far as how to handle him, the boundaries and consequences that will be set, etc. If you know he is drinking and drugging, those are both illegal (drinking is minimum age 18). What will you and his father do about it? That is the key to your sanity and ultimately to him growing up - no matter how long it may take. You are within your rights to call the police, search his room, and have him arrested if he has illegal materials in your home.</p><p></p><p>If he is a minor you're obligated to provide him with the basic necessities as his parents, as long as you continue to maintain parental rights (and if it gets bad enough, yes, you can turn his custody over to the state and let them handle him). But that doesn't mean he has to have what HE wants. Make him earn the nice things he wants. What you owe him is food (but not necessarily his favorites), a roof, a bed, Walmart clothing, no name gym shoes, <strong>no</strong> cell phone or a basic "dumb" phone with no data capability, <strong>no</strong> spending money,<strong> no </strong>Internet privileges, <strong>no</strong> computer or tablet until he shapes up and does what you expect him to do. You get the picture. </p><p></p><p>My family is not able to address our issues because Dad and Mom (I'm stepmom) are not on the same page. My stepson is not able to function in life and his road will be very difficult if not impossible.He does what he wants, has never been held accountable, and the best times of his life are now, when he can get away with this. Life is going to teach him very hard lessons when he is an adult and his enabling father is no longer around. Much better for him to learn those lessons now but it's out of my hands. </p><p></p><p>Tough love is sometimes the best kind - good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 711776, member: 13303"] Sorry to hear what you are going through; sounds very similar to my family's story too. Hopefully you and your spouse are on the same page as far as how to handle him, the boundaries and consequences that will be set, etc. If you know he is drinking and drugging, those are both illegal (drinking is minimum age 18). What will you and his father do about it? That is the key to your sanity and ultimately to him growing up - no matter how long it may take. You are within your rights to call the police, search his room, and have him arrested if he has illegal materials in your home. If he is a minor you're obligated to provide him with the basic necessities as his parents, as long as you continue to maintain parental rights (and if it gets bad enough, yes, you can turn his custody over to the state and let them handle him). But that doesn't mean he has to have what HE wants. Make him earn the nice things he wants. What you owe him is food (but not necessarily his favorites), a roof, a bed, Walmart clothing, no name gym shoes, [B]no[/B] cell phone or a basic "dumb" phone with no data capability, [B]no[/B] spending money,[B] no [/B]Internet privileges, [B]no[/B] computer or tablet until he shapes up and does what you expect him to do. You get the picture. My family is not able to address our issues because Dad and Mom (I'm stepmom) are not on the same page. My stepson is not able to function in life and his road will be very difficult if not impossible.He does what he wants, has never been held accountable, and the best times of his life are now, when he can get away with this. Life is going to teach him very hard lessons when he is an adult and his enabling father is no longer around. Much better for him to learn those lessons now but it's out of my hands. Tough love is sometimes the best kind - good luck! [/QUOTE]
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Weary mom of 15 year old son
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