Wecome Eden!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by smallworld, Nov 19, 2008.

  1. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Eden, I've copied your post into its own thread so that folks here will notice it and have the opportunity to welcome your properly. Welcome aboard!

    My difficult child is a total BEAR in the mornings and will rip anyone to shreds who even talks to him (especially me gently trying to help him get up and into school on time). He's especially bad, though, when he's lost something (of course, he insists he hasn't mislaid it in his heaps of **** in his room, surely our housekeeper stole it or I "put it somewhere" etc.). So I know where you're coming from.

    This morning he refused to leave for school until he found his "missing" cell phone (he's not supposed to take it to school in the first place!). I calmly asked him if he perhaps left it in easy child's room. "I ALREADY LOOKED IN THERE, STOP BOTHERING ME!!!" was his ever so thankful-for-your-help, shouted reply.

    Guess where he found it 20 minutes later? In easy child's room.


    Me: 53, work outside home, partially sane
    husband of 7 years: 54, my first and always soulmate
    difficult child: 17/m, ADD, ODD, Daytrana patch, adopted at birth
    easy child: 17/f, no known issues, guest in our home indefinitely (friend of difficult child -- basically abandoned)
    diagnosis: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), emotional/verbal abuser, minimal involvement in difficult child's life
    Dog 1: Gabby, 11, adopted at 2, pom/chow mix
    Dog 2: Harley, 6, adopted at birth, white lab
    Dog 3: Bella, 5 mo., guest in our home (belongs to easy child)
  2. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Welcome Eden! Ohhh.....sometimes there is a BEAR in my house in the mornings too & everything laying on the floor or lost is ALL the fault of someone other than the BEAR! LOL! Sorry your bear wasn't a happy one this morning. Again, welcome.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Eden, welcome!
    Boy, he sounds just like my son!

    We will have the results of psychoeducational testing tomorrow so I will see what they say about our difficult child. I suspect he is slightly Aspie, (I know he's delayed) and bipolar. It is imperative that these kids get a full night's sleep. It makes all the diff in the world.
    It is also important to make sure that they follow a routine. They thrive on routines.

    So sorry about your rough morning. been there done that!
  4. Eden

    Eden New Member

    Thanks, everyone, for the warm welcome and thank you for moving the post. Have been following this board for some time, but finally got the courage to jump in.

    This was a very calm morning actually compared to many others. I've been down a very long road with my difficult child. His odd showed up basically from birth (didn't sleep through the night til he was nearly 2, didn't potty train until about fifth grade, would never take naps at daycare plus disrupting others from taking theirs, threw chair through the wall at daycare, wouldn't do time outs, wouldn't do homework, failed two grades, constant arguments about everything with everyone in authority, lies about everything even when there's no need to lie, now drinks, smokes, blames others for everything, etc. etc. etc.).

    It's a long lonely road with ODD because lots of people don't think it exists and they just blame it on your parenting skills (or lack thereof). I even had a family counselor basically blame it on me .. then empower difficult child (who had completely bamboozled him and even convinced the therapist that he was 'abused') by telling difficult child that "confrontation is good; always confront people!" Ay yi yi. Just throw a match on a tanker of gasoline!

    I won't go into all the details. It's just really comforting to have this forum and to see I'm not alone. I have been to hell and back ... wishing I was dead ... even wishing my own child was dead (!) ... but I always suspected it was "just me." It's incredibly healing to know that's not the case.

    Things are a bit on the upswing now. I read an incredible book called "Stop Negotiating with your Teen by Janet Sasson Edgette and it's made a huge difference in my approach to difficult child. Only time will tell if this is a temporary respite, or real improvement. I'm always afraid to hope for more than just what's good today.

    Thanks againg for the support and for the gift of reading all your stories.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hi, Eden!

    When Miss KT was younger, it was always the cat's fault. The cat hid the scissors, the cat got into my makeup, the cat spilled the grape juice.

    Sorry you had so much crankiness this morning!
  6. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    just wanted to say hi and welcome!

    my difficult child def needs her beauty sleep!! We don't get too many challenging mornings anymore (thank goodness!) but that's because mom is a drill sargent at bed time.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Stop Negotiating With Your Teen sounds a lot like The Manipulative Child. They both have great ideas about why kids do certain things, and how not to buy into their arguments.
    It takes practice!
  8. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Adding my HI. :bigsmile: It's funny, I've always had nicknames for my difficult child including "bear" - huggy bear, boo bear,grumpy bear and in the morning it's *#@)! Bear - he acts like a bear waking in the spring in the morning, though it's gotten better. I loved those mornings of angry growling as he got out of bed, snatch open his door and SLAM, stomp stomp stomp SLAM of the bathroom door, stomp stomp stomp back to his room SLAM his bedroom door. Wonderful mood for starting the day LOL.

    Welcome to the site, glad you decided to post. :flowers: