Wedding planning is hell...Help!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Feb 19, 2013.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    We are revamping the reception plans and I'm hoping the venue we've chosen is open to what we want to do. I have an appointment March 16th to go over a timetable...then I have to make an appointment with the on staff caterer to go over the menu...that is where we may run into difficulty, but I am trying to be positive.

    Since it is a Sunday afternoon wedding (vows are at noon), we scrapped the buffet dinner and to save money, are considering doing crudités, fruit platter with dip, international cheeses with crackers, a variety of six different hors d'oeuvres, and two different salads (one pasta and the other field greens). Also coffee, tea, lemonade, ice tea, water and wine and beer, soda. easy child is making the cake and cupcakes. Here is the schedule (the wedding date is 8/25, a Sunday):

    Ceremony: Noon
    Cocktails: 1-1:30
    Reception: 1:30-5

    Cake and coffee will be served at 4pm.

    What do you think? Is it tacky not to serve a meal, considering the day and time of the event? From what I've read it's acceptable to do this and it would save us some big money. Since exh is not coming through with any money and difficult child and E can't seem to get their financial POOP in order, it falls on me so this is what I came up with. They are contributing, just not what they were originally supposed to.

    If we go with the original plan, it will be about $10,000. If we do this, it will cut the costs considerably.

    I will also host an after party at my house for my family only and everyone will bring a dish.

    Please be honest.
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2013
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Jo, that isn't tacky at all. It sounds lovely. In fact, before the wedding industry (and all its associated expenses) took off, Tea Receptions or Cake-and-Punch receptions were common and considered quite elegant.
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I dont think "tacky" applies at all!!! Please know that!

    However, you asked for honest and I do think that given the timing, people will "expect" at least a lunch type meal. If the ceremony is at noon and the reception will go until 5- most people will be dressing and then traveling to the ceremony site and I doubt that anyone will have eaten much prior to the ceremony. I don't think you can host a 5 hour wedding without more substantial food. While teas or cake and punch are great ideas, those type of receptions are usually only 1-1/2 to 2 hours long.

    Please know I would never suggest anyone overspend their budget on a wedding, so I don't think you should spend a penny more than you can afford! However, ime- hors d'ouveres and appetizer platters are often more expensive than meal type foods. I would inquire as to doing a brunch style buffet- quiche wedges, muffins/ pastry/donuts/bagels, croissant sandwiches, hash browns, bacon, vegetables or fruit etc. or I would look into luncheon servings of pasta- maybe a veggie lasagne or pasta with meat sauce and green salad,breadsticks etc. I think you can find more substantial food that will fit your budget. If not, I would call it a "cocktail reception" or "appetizers & celebration" following the ceremony and shorten the ending time to 3:30-4.

    I think you will find something lovely to fit your budget, I am just concerned that a light repast will leave guests hungry at that hour.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I don't ever recall an actual meal served at a wedding, regardless of the time involved..........well, except easy child's wedding and that was because it was right at dinner time and there would be children present. "dinner" consisted of catered Subway sandwiches........not really catered since her mother in law owns the joint. lol But it worked.

    I think what you're serving is fine. People eat lunch at 1:30 ?? Regardless, still think it is fine, they'll probably stuff themselves silly. I would, so eat some for me while you're all at it. lol I prefer finger foods at such things.......less chance of a disaster. Know what I mean??

    Nichole's inlaws did a meal but that was because she didn't have a church was courthouse and they felt it gave the family a chance to celebrate and visit, it was immediate family only.
    This is why I like small immediate family/friends type weddings. Less fuss/muss and jittery nerves.

  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    No, not tacky at all. Most people only pick at the meal anyway, they've filled up on appetizers. Plus, they'll eat the dessert. This sounds lovely and beautiful. Don't second guess it for a second!
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    That's a long reception - many people won't stay that long I think. The crowd will thin out considerably once the wedding cake is cut and served and the first dance between bride and groom has been danced. I would serve food with the cocktails so people don't get too drunk and shorten the reception a bit. Most people are happy enough with whatever free food is offered to them.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Where is the wedding taking the Club or the Church? Is there going to be music or dancing?

    The choice of refreshments sounds just fine. I would suggest that the wedding be scheduled for 1:00 instead of noon for two reasons. First guests who are regular church goers might have to miss their weekly services due to the timing. Secondly "noon" rather presents as "lunch time" to most people. There would be no misunderstanding if the festivities begin at 1:00. Plus the overall length of four hours is sufficient to assure no "downtime" and likely will prevent people from leaving early. Most people I know look forward to lazy Sunday afternoons at home and five hours plus drive time would be lengthly........unless the majority of the guests are in their 20's. Somehow I picture it mostly being mature adults.

    No matter what you decide, I'm sure it is going to be terrific. by the way I saved alot of money at easy child's wedding by using greens and fresh flowers as a runner on the wedding party table and matching free form ferns and flowers in the center of the tables. The florist was able to use her creativity at the Club and since no vases etc. were used it was lovely and far less costly. Hugs DDD
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im absolutely useless when it comes to My only wedding was at a justice of the peace and you know how formal that is!
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    While I like the idea of the ceremony being at 1, followed immediately with the reception...due to issues with E's visitation with his boys, the ceremony has to be at 1. Then, they want to drive up to a specific location for pictures that is about 45 minutes away while the guests have cocktails. Argh. So they will be missing in action for about 1 1/2 hours, possibly 2!

    The ceremony and reception are at the same place; it's and outdoor canopied spot with the option of going indoors should the weather turn ugly. It's a beautiful setting on a lake with a nice gazebo for the ceremony. There is a pool and playground for kids, etc. and they have their own kitchen and chef/catering team. We have the choices for menus. I would have loved to do an earlier ceremony and then have a brunch...but the visitation schedule would not allow for that time schedule.

    Guess I'll just have to wait to meet with the caterer chef and figure out our options. And I'm supposed to meet with difficult child and E to go over any changes that will save money and time. Who knows? Maybe we can do the earlier time frame and do brunch and they can go take pics afterwards? I don't know.

    Thanks for all the input and ideas!
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Is there any reason they can't do the pictures before the guest arrive? I've been thru four formal weddings and the blankin' pictures always seem to mess up the schedule. If they aren't superstitious...the photos can be taken any time and the guests can be most comfortably accomodated. Hugs DDD

    PS: Without exaggeration the photos being taken at the Church and before the reception at two of the weddings cost us at least a grand extra so the guest would be entertained and have libation. Sigh!
  11. jal

    jal Member


    I have to say everything sounds beautiful, but for the bride and groom to go missing for almost two hours for pictures is very impolite. 2 hours for people to drink at a possibly open bar is scary, not to mention scary for your bank account! Followed by light fare vs. a big meal. I would humbly suggest if they want pics in a location that is a ways away and will take them from their guests for that long that they re-dress and do them another day or before hand. I was maid of honor for my cousins wedding (complete with wedding planner) and the pics ON location took forever. The whole bridal party was getting annoyed with the length of the photography and the guests (even though food and bev flowed, were getting annoyed). 45 min one way, 45 to an hour of pics (depending on photog) and 45 min back?

    I know I mentioned this when you first talked about the wedding. ELOPE! Best darn thing we ever did. :)
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Plus, lol, the weather will be cooler at ten or eleven than it will be after noon...and they still will be "Wedding Day" pictures. OR (don't you wish you never asked for opinions??) ... You could have the wedding before noon and have a sit down brunch which would be less labor intensive, cheaper and reduce the amount of booze consumed. Then, the entire wedding party could leave at three or so and head off to have pictures made after the event. Your guests would be able to go home and do their thing with-o losing a whole afternoon of their weekend.

    That's it...I'll try to stop giving suggestions. Hugs DDD
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree that they should take the pictures earlier, forgo the beautiful place 45 minutes away, or re-dress at a later date. Son #2 and K had the pictures taken the morning of the wedding, and then the wedding was at 2. All the food was made by the bride's family (we weren't asked to help, though we would have) and the kids didn't go broke having a nice wedding.
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    For my first wedding, which despite my icky ex-H was a great party, we had all the photos done beforehand. The wedding party got together at about 10 am, we had the photo spot to ourselves, and had plenty of time to get to the church and reception without keeping the (OMG 200+!) guests standing around in the hot sun for hours waiting around.

    For my second wedding, a MUCH smaller and much less formal thing, everyone with a pocket camera handy took pictures throughout the ceremony at the church and the reception at our house. Nothing staged, and the pictures turned out beautifully.
  15. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm in the middle of planning pcdaughter's wedding now. She is getting married in late September. He budget is between $3-5000, and she and fiance will be paying for most of it themselves. She has already purchased her dress, shoes for less than $200. and found his tux at a yard sale for $15.00. (She has grown into a thrifty princess.) The ceremony will be at fiance's family's river home. We will set up the guests facing the river, fiance and his dad are building an arch, we will do a few flowers, and she will descend the stairs from the house. Imagine the river scene in The Notebook.
    The reception will be at my home. The ceremony will take place at 4, the reception will begin about 5. We are doing the catering ourselves. husband will BBQ a hog, smoke some briskets, and fry turkeys. I will take care of the sides with the help of family and friends---We will have a full meal. I have already secured the DJ. I found chair covers and table clothes on Craigslist that I hope to secure for less than $100.00.
    At this point we have about 100 guests on the list(and this is a small, simple wedding ;).