Wee difficult child still physically agressive at school. Ideas?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Aug 4, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I was hoping the vacation would get him out of that routine. I was wrong.

    He spit, hit, kicked, bit, cursed, screamed, and threw furniture at school today in response to being asked to sit down even if he wasn't going to do his work. He had to be restrained.

    This is exactly what was happening every day before we left for vacation. It happened some thru vacation, but not daily.

    This has to stop. "Positive reinforcement" is not happening fast enough, if at all. Any ideas?
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Can you get him a 1 to 1 para to work with him in the classroom? If he has an IEP, they can add a crisis intervention para to him. Once that person is assigned, you can sit with them and explain some of difficult child's triggers. PLEASE NOTE: one thing that is OFTEN missed with our little loves on the spectrum is that various sensory issues or plain old anxiety will be the cause of a meltdown. This (in my experience) is often dismissed by teachers, administrators and even mental health professionals as ridiculous, but time and time again when I've brought this up, backtracking has proven me right.

    Let us know how things go!

  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    He's in private school because the public school would not accomdate him with a 1-on-1.

    A floating aid, yes (that will float outside his classroom, too) but no 1-on-1. And it will never work, because he's as predictable as a headless chicken...
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If he's not doing well in a regular classroom, even with a 1-1, in my opinion it's better to have him in a more restrictive hands on classroom for his own sake as well as the others. My son started out in a small classroom and was able to follow the routine and everything around him did not overwhelm him so much. He could be more easily worked with. Must have worked because he progressed and next year he will be mainstreamed without an aide with his only accommodations being an Learning Disability (LD) teacher for English/math. Our experience with private school wasn't good. They did try to help my son, and he was more a spacy, academic problem than a behavior problem, however he didn't learn anything. He needed more 1-1 for that.
    A public school would have to accomodate his needs.
    I see that your difficult child has every diagnosis. under the sun. Frankly, that will make you have to fight very hard for services. I personally don't trust laundry lists of diagnosis...it makes me think the evaluators missed the REAL boat and are just picking out everything because they don't know. You may want to consider a neuropsychologist evaluation. Even if he had one before, as they get older, more things show up and that diagnosis. list is...wow.
    Anyway, good luck, whatever you decide.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Does he have a BIP?
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    No formal BIP plan because it is a private school. We are setting up a meeting to address that, tho.

    I agree, MWM, that they don't have a clue what they are dealing with. I also beleive that our little stint on Straterra started this, and even tho the Straterra is gone, the behavior is not. Doesn't make me happy. He has an appointment with DevPed on Thursday. And I have a call in to IHBT, we've got to do something NOW before he gets booted out of there. And I don't even have an inkling as to what to do to get this under control again.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    I don't have anything insightful to add. My d was the opposite, scared of his own shadow at school and saved the meltdowns for home, mostly me. Thing truly are a lot better since I've learned some different strategies for helping him calm down. I offer tea (literally) and sympathy and then I shut up because too many words when he's like that will only exacerbate things. I also believe that as he's getting older, we're getting some things right.

    Hang in there, I know it isn't easy

    Thinking of you

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Shari, learn to take one day at a time, one issue at at time. See what Dev. pediatrician says and go from there. If you need to transfer wee difficult child back to public school, I think our Special Education 101 forum is great for advice :) You can ask them to help you approach the school in just the right way.
    The private school really meant well with my son, but they didn't have the classrooms or resources to help him learn, and he learns in a speical way. He's doing better in public school. That special attention helped him takes leaps in development. I wish you and your precious little one luck. Nothing is harder than dealing with a difficult child in school.
  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'd probably be hiring an educational advocate to force the public school to provide an aide and whatever else he needs for an appropriate education.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Shari, you said, ""Positive reinforcement" is not happening fast enough, if at all."

    This sounds like the problem is way out of reach of positive reinforcement. Maybe it would work if the problem was just a kid being difficult, or wayward. But that's not this problem. No, this kid has something REALLY wrong and for whatever reason, CAN'T do what is asked.

    There is something about the way he is being asked, or what he is being asked to do, that is causing trouble.

    When his behaviour is not improving no matter what is tried, then maybe it's time for teachers and everybody to recognise that at least for now, he CAN'T change. Punishing him for what he can't do, is cruel and counterproductive. The trouble is, schools do try to fit our square peg kids into round holes; they try doing this for some time before they finally realise (if ever) that a square hole is needed. You can't just hope to force off those corners from the square peg. Not if they're made from steel.

    He needs help. Maybe talk to them on "Special Education" forum?

  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Shari, having the advantage of 20/20 hindsight, I see what appears to be almost primitive reaction to the stress of becoming "tamed". I have no doubt that the underlying emotion is anxiety but it is functioning through the screen of distorted thinking. Most kids are anxious when there are demands put on them. Our kids can't manage to work through it so they over react and fight it in an inappropriate way.

    School work isn't happening. In a perfect world, he would be allowed to go back to a level that works for him and the foundations reinforced. He hasn't mastered what he needs to function in this class environment. I wish I knew then what I see now in my son. The academics can be worked on but nothing is going to be absorbed until he is able to function on a level to these classmates. He has to sit and attend to learn these building blocks of of learning. My son couldn't but I didn't know he would never get back to learn them. Intellectually he is able to know a lot of things but he has never mastered the skills that he should have learned when he was 5 and younger. Sitting, thinking, processing, converting thinking into action etc, etc.

    The strattera probably triggered it but it's not the cause. At least in my humble opinion. There will always be a trigger of some sort. There is no way to avoid triggers. It could be a divorce, or an allergic reaction to food or medications. It's always something for our little guys who have abnormal reactions to stimulus.

    I don't really know of a school that takes kids back to their level of functioning. Most schools try to get the difficult child to function within their pre planned teaching program. Our odd ball kids either catch up with supports or always are on the outside of norm even for special needs kids. I'm pretty sure that my difficult child's never knew what they were dealing with as far as disorders but then neither did I or the doctors at the time. Heck there still isn't a clear name or diagnosis for my difficult child. I hope you have a better opportunity to have your son educated in a way that is meaningful for him.
  12. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Fran, that's very insightful. I never really thought of it that way but you are right. I often have said to my husband that I wish we could shave a few years off difficult child's age.

    Sorry Shari,
    I know exactly how you feel as my son was and is just like that. In his case, he did get a one to one aide by the end of kindergarten thru first grade but his tantruming and severe reactions were too unsafe and disruptive. For second and third grade he was placed in a special self-contained program for students with emotional and behavioral problems. They were well equipped to manage behavior issues, never a phone call home. The problem with this, is that the behaviors continued they were just dealt with and he never completed any school work. Before entering the program he was at grade level and by the end of third grade, he was two years behind grade level. Even though class sizes were small (average 7 kids) and the room had an aide, I felt my son needed a one to one to make academic progress. The school would not go for it and I was concerned about my son falling too far behind so I pulled him and homechooled him. I loved teaching him, I hated fighting with him constantly to do the work. He has made vast imrovements in his reading and will benefit from the social side of school (I hope) so it was back to an iep yesterday. If I can say one good thing about our recent running away issues. It finally convinced the school to provide a one-to-one within the small program. This will help, but ultimately it will depend on my sons ability to handle what has always been an overwhelming experience for him.

    I'm sure you have excellent reasons for choosing your son's private school and the good news is, they haven't thown him out! It sounds like they do try to work with him. However, they may not be able to provide the supports necessary for your son to be successful. Should you decide to go back to the public school system, you are armed with more information than you've had in the past. You can always ask for a meeting and not give uup his private school placement until you are satisfied with the iep. With the sensory issues and possible Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, therapies like speech-language and ocupational therapy will probaby be beneficial and a public school provides these services if the student meet the criteria.

    Good luck to you. I hope you find a situation that can best help your son at school. Sorry you are facing the constant worry about how the day is going. I know the feeling all too well.