Wee has a ballgame tonight...praying daddy of the year doesn't show.

[Shari]

Last week, our IEP meeting ran late and I had to run into town before Wee's ballgame. Afraid I would not be back in time, I asked exMIL to take Wee to the game. She happily obliged.

However, she ran into DEX and Whackjob on the way to the game, so Whackjob directed them straight to the game. Whackjob also told exMIL that she planned on trying to get Wee to go with them after the game. ExMIL told her no, but she did it, anyway. After the game, she told Wee she was going to pick up her 14 year old son, and they were going home to play Halo, and did he want to come. Well duh...

ExMIL says they have no business with the boy, so I said no. We had plans (we did) and he needed to come with us. Wee did invite them to eat dinner with us, and they didn't show (thankfully), but it royally peeves me, because it makes me the constant bad guy, "keeping" him from Disneyland dad (and its not even dad...Whackjob has presented DEX to be the world's most fun guy, and her home nothing short of a 24x7 amusement park - its HER he wants to hang out with. if it were up to DEX, he wouldn't ever bother...)

Wee has another game tonight. I am so praying they don't show up again.

 

[JJJ]

I'm so hoping they don't show. It isn't fair to Wee.

 

[Shari]

They didn't show. Only 5 more games. Sometimes, I think it would just be easier to move. Heck of it is, it isn't DEX that's the problem....its his *&^%$ girlfriend that wants to insist he's a GREAT dad (when she's not asking me to help her get rid of him....)

Did I mention I walked into exMIL's house about 2 weeks ago to her tearfully saying goodbye to Wee for the last time, because DEX kicked her out? (for the seventeen twenty hundredth time....)

 

[gcvmom]

Oy, the Whackjob is far too kind a nickname...

 

[susiestar]

Have you had a talk with Wee about how she seems "nice" to him but is mentally ill and it isn't okay to go anywhere with her? That she is a bit "slow" in the head and doesn't understand that she is NOT a relative to him and is NOT to do things with him because she isn't "safe" to be around, but that you don't want to be rude so you just ignore her?

Why not tell her that as soon as DEX pays the THOUSANDS of dollars of back child support and his HALF of all the medical bills and psychiatric testing bills AND comes up with a reasonable PLAN for how to be a RESPONSIBLE father, then she can speak to Wee, but until she and dex pony up that cash and that info on responsible parenting then they need to just pretend Wee does NOT exist? After all, that is all his father ever really did anyway, isn't it? Tell her I said to go have her own kid and leave our Wee the heck alone. Or give me her name and addy and I will start playing some games with her.

Wee needs to have you explain why you don't want him going with them - that you cannot be sure they will behave appropriately because you have heard a lot of disturbing things from others and from Whackie herself. Didn't she complain about DEX's temper at one point? Also because she is unstable you cannot be sure that she won't hurt him or run off and not return him, so it isn't okay for him to do things - regardless of how fun she makes them sound. Also that she is NOT his relative and has NO position in his life and you are disturbed that she claims she does. He would be upset if some stranger walked up and started saying she was his sister or new mom and that is what Whackie is doing - telling the world that she is taking over your job, and it isn't true and you don't want him confused.

He is old enough to understand this if spoken in basic language, and to grasp the danger. He also knows she upsets you and knowing why will be a good thing for him.

 

[AnnieO]

Shari... For Wee, too.

This is why I always breathed a sigh of relief when BM did not show up for Jett's games. I always looked over my shoulder, expecting her - but it was so much easier.

 

[Shari]

Yup, Susie, I have explained that DEX doesn't know him and has always been welcome to be around Wee but has chosen not to, and, just like anyone else who might want to take him to spend time, I can't just let him go with anyone for his own safety. When daddy Disney decides to come around on a regular basis and put in the time and effort to show up consistently and learn to know Wee, then maybe it would be ok; but not until then.
We've also been adamant that she and her family are not related to him at all. But he's 9 going on 7 in some respects and all he's ever heard and seen from DEX and whackjob is the Disneyland facade.
I talked to exMIL last night and she says whackjob does it on purpose to put me in the position of being the bad guy.
I have not addressed whackjob myself at any point, and although I may end up doing so, I doubt it will do any good. I have never met someone so adept at manufacturing their own reality on a daily basis. She hounded poor difficult child 1's wife relentlessly about going to Cali to see 'their grandbaby' when both difficult child 1 and his wife said they were not welcome there. They spoke it, they wrote it, they emailed it, heck they even put it on Facebook, and it has only ever bought them brief periods of peace from her. Sometimes no more than a day before she starts hounding them about their 'rights' to her grandchild.
ExMIL uses the back support to shut her up now. Seems to be the only thing she's found that will make her back off. She doesn't like to 'use' it like that, but this woman is obviously a difficult child and DOES.NOT.GET.IT and will just hound and hound and hound...
Dex will be 43 this year. Whackjob is close to the same age. Dex currently has 2 'girls on the side', which has been his MO for years, according to exMIL, and whackjob knows it. When she catches dex with one of them, or gets the cell phone bill each month and goes thru his calls, she's like clockwork on exMIL's porchstep, whining to her about it. ExMIL said she finally lost it with her and yelled 'what do you want me to do about it?' and it shut her up for a whopping sum of a day. They are 40+ year old adults...what is his mother going to do about it? In fact, after dex's second girlfriend after our divorce called me up to ask questions about his 'stories' when she started to realize things didn't add up, exMIL has started telling his girlfriend's straightup what his history is. If they so much as suggest they arent sure about something in her company, she opens the door for 'the talk'. Whackjob got 'the talk', too.
She drives me nutty, and I doubt a rule out would do any good. She wouldn't abide by it, and law enforcement doesn't exactly take them to be hideous crimes that need backing. At least not around here.

 

[1905]

I like susiestar's idea. What's her name and address?

 

[Shari]

Depending on how difficult child 1 is when he gets back from Afghanistan, I may have him tell Wee what kind of dad DEX is. I dont feel right saying it to him myself.
And, of course, DEX and Whackjob both tell the world that I have denied DEX access to Wee all these years. Which couldn't be further from the truth. No, I won't let DEX take Wee now....but I did when he was little. I actually encouraged it, then, and tried to help him be an involved dad. The last time I asked DEX to watch Wee was while I got a haircut when he was about 1, and DEX found out what I was doing, and absolutely blew up that he was not going to be my personal babysitter to dump the kid on while I ran around (of all the accusations...lol) Being that I really didn't dislike my child, and I didn't mind having him with me unless it was a situation where I couldn't....I stopped asking. He then took Wee on Mother's Day of 2003 (when Wee was 1) and has never had him since. And DEX only ever asked for Wee a few times after that, but not until 3-4 years later, and all were in response to a girl with kids. He called once and asked to take "his kid" to play with "her kids" at the park, and he's asked once to take him to get family photos with Whackjob (at the time, Wee didn't even know Whackjob or her kids). And DEX told Wee once he'd take him to the races with him someday (tho never asked).
Heck, until Whackjob, Wee didn't even get acknowledgment from DEX on his birthday or Christmas or any other holiday...
When Whackjob disappears from the scene (and she will, eventually, I have no doubt), I will likely drop her a line on Christmas and thank her for setting up Wee for future disappointment from the "greatest dad ever". Wee didn't know anything was missing until someone started pointing it out.

 

[susiestar]

Don't you wish you could get that Genie from the Aladdin movie to go and sing Occupational Therapist (OT) her until her head exploded? Or at the least wish her away? She is a fool and a complete witch in my book. WHY make such a big deal when the kid didn't even know he was missing anything. Wish SHE had assets and cuold be sued for interfering in Wee's life. Just what he needed - to be TOLD and SHOWN that his father doesn't give a hoot.

How do you keep from taking her out for a hunting accident?

 

[Shari]

I've been talked down more than once...

The day I watched her OPEN MY TRUCK DOOR and GET IN with him through the window of the shop where I was buying difficult child 1 a birthday card took a lot of talking....

She not only did that, but then whipped out her cell phone and called up Dex so Wee could talk to him since he 'never gets to see his daddy'....

 

[mstang67chic]

You know....if it's not too expensive, I would go for a restraining order anyway. It shouldn't be hard, the woman has no legal/family ties to him, has been REPEATEDLY told to stay away from him and Wee has issues of his own which could be aggravated by WJ.

As for her grandparent "rights"? I'd have them tell her to go see a lawyer.

 

[mstang67chic]

Argh. I seem to be button happy.

Anyhoo....about the rule out....maybe it would get through to her, maybe not. Either way....it's a trail. IF she were to ever do anything REALLY wackjobby...you have the paper trail to back you up.