Wee has to go to family court

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Nov 11, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    over the bs from school.

    He'll have to miss another whole day of school for it. If he's not in a tailspin now, he will be.

    OMG I am so ******. So much for timely consequence.

    Anyone have any advice or what to expect?
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2010
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I...am...stunned. Just stunned.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    What type of impact will this make on young difficult child? I seriously doubt much at this point given his level of instability of late. SD is really pushing you ~ I'm just not sure for what.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Actually, now that they've let him just be with the sped and the new 1:1 para, he hasn't had any issues (with the exception of when the speech therapist refused to allow his para to come to her room for testing with him). He had no issues the week they brought in Mr Para/Teacher. He had no issues the week he was alone with Mrs Sped Teacher (the week prior to the new 1:1 starting). He's had no issues since the new 1:1 started, which was over 2 weeks ago. He had ONE issue last year when he was moved to the resource room entirely and only the sped teacher dealt with him. SURELY that's enough to prove whatever we need to prove here.

    I can't imagine what they will "find", but then again...I'm just ill. Things are finally going in an appropriate direction and I'm afraid I'm goiing to have to pull him because of the possibility that they will escalate him in the future and get the law involved un-necessarily. I'm just sick.

    He's finally learning to read, and gaining a positive attitude about academics.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok, this is insane. when is the date? do you have time to do anything? contact an advocate in your area now! Write to the head of your district, call first, email than write. i would not under any circumstances go into any courtroom with the poor child. no way in hell. wow is all i can say. such complete bs.
  6. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Sorry I am not totally familiar with your situation although I have been following when I can about some of the school issues and the principal who is clueless. What does a 7 year old boy with a disability have to go to family court for? I cannot imagine!
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Jen, I have 2 advocates, and the sped director and superintendant's home numbers on speed dial. I visit them frequently. We're way beyond first name basis. I do intend to call their attorney, tho. Bright and early in the morning.

    Jules, I am just sick. Principa wrote that big long letter about kids who learn differently, and how she's there to help all the children succeed, blah blah blah, yet this is her doing, and dit started because Wee SPIT!

    OMG this hurts so bad.
  8. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    WTH? Because Wee spit???? That lady is something else. I am soooo sorry. I just don't get it. Hang in there hun, things have to get better. Do either of the medications Wee takes help with anxiety? Parenting is so hard.
  9. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Ah, Shari! I feel a murderous rage rising in me. Someone needs to do an exposé on that "so called" school. How did Wee become "it" in the eyes of those adults? He's just a little kid. This feels like bullying.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Glad someone else feels that way.

    I spoke to the district's attorney after the first suspension, and dhe told the principal not to suspend anymore. So the next time there was an incident, which was identical to the first, except Wee spit on someone, she reported him to the juevenil authorities BECAUSE HE SPIT. THAT was the behavior they couldn't tolerate. I think it is total retaliation, but family court isn't the place to air that laundry.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Shari, I'm tapering off my responses to you because I don't think you're listening or want to hear them. I can't tell you what you want to hear. There are many good people jhere with the best intentions but law and "what is right" doesn't always come without a fight and that fight can be very expensive- over $10,000.

    in my humble opinion, this sd is NOT goimg to let this go and you are not going to win this way. in my humble opinion, here are your choices- 1) go to the county team and try to find a truce situation, 2) continue fighting the the sd and risk the HIGH opportunity that Wee ends up in Department of Juvenile Justice- not right now but in middle or high school years, 3) pay the money to get a good Special Education attny and fight this, 4) move and find a better jurisdiction, maybe, 5) continue going as you're going.

    I hope this doesn't come across as offensive to anyone but while federal law might dictate one thing, if you don't have the resources to get an attny and prove it in court, it might as well be lip service when it comes to defending yourself or your difficult child in a courtroom.

    I'm sorry but I personally think you cannot keep on the way nyou have been and expect to win this fight - no matter what is written in federal law. If you are sure about it, forget the advocate and get an attny who's willing to fight this battle on a federal level. Having the super's phone number will not win this fight.
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    K, you're right. No one can tell me what I want to hear cause what I want to hear is what will fix this. And no one knows that.

    I am balking on the county board because there is nothing more the board can offer. Unless Wee is in the district in that city where the board meets, they can not offer services to the school. The other groups offer services to the family, to help in the home. There's no more to it. I can do it to "play nice" with the school, but I see it as nothing more than another waste of time.

    Wee finally has what might be the piece he needs to be successful in school. At least a large piece. Its what we've been asking for since he started school 4 years ago. The conference is over the issues that happened prior to the 1:1's arrival.

    I am sorry you feel that I am not hearing you...maybe others feel that way, too. I don't mean to be that way. I sometimes feel that others don't understand how rural we are. Such as moving Wee to a new district...if someone could tell me where to take him, someplace with a 70% certainty that they could handle him, I would. But if I pack up and move him, even to the district that has the alternative school, they will have to go thru all their motions and let Wee fail again in their programs before the alternative school becomes an option. Quite possibly it could take another year. Look around on the board? How many parents live in districts that are serving these children well? It seems to me that I'm better off fighting an enemy I know than running to the next and the next and the next. Maybe I'm wrong.

    The other thing is, I know this is very touchy right now. I don't know what this district is trying to do, because unless I move, they are responsible for Wee's education. But that said, I will pull him if I need to. I don't want to. He has a shot right now...he has a teacher that understands him, a 1:1 working to get to the level the teacher is on, and he's learning and positive about learning. Thats more than he's had in quite some time. I'd like to give this 1:1 a shot. But I also see the writing on the wall. My exInLaws do not want me to home school him, but unless this 1:1 provides some DRASTIC imrprovement over what it was prior, I will have to, just to avoid your exact situation.

    Basically, if they put him on any sort of probation, he can't go back to school. Period. I won't risk those idiots lack of ability to deal with him handling him.
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2010
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    And unfortunately, K, you are exactly right. What the law says really doesn't matter unless you have the cash to make it matter.

    I have talked to an attorney. I have a way to hire him if I have to. He actually suggested goiing due process and letting the advocates have at it...but he's also willing to take my money.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shari...I fairly agree with you. One thing I have niggling in my head. Didnt the principal or someone at the school lay hands on Wee or do some other act against him that could be construed as "assault" at one point in time? I dont believe this principal is trained in therapeutic holds so if she held him down or even locked him in a room, that would be considered against the law.

    If they are going to charge Wee, I would fight fire with fire and charge right back. Even if you cant actually make a case stick, you can at least cause a stink and make her life a bit nasty for a bit.
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    They have been very quick to restrain him this year. VERY. They claim to be trained in therapeutic holds, and unfortunately, I have verified that most are (principal being one). However, she is obviously NOT trained in when to use them and when not to. Some random para actually restrained him twice before the training was brought in...I'll be checking on that.

    But that makes me think...I wonder if the first guy who held him was trained...cause that may well give me a little more fire. If something comes of this, I WILL be hiring that attorney and there will be a civil component to this in addition to a sped law case. What I'd rather have is a place for my little boy to call his school.
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    you say your in a very rural area right? that means small town, everyone knows everyone's junk etc.? Is there a local paper where you are, one in which most ppl read? Why not contact them as well. i know it sounds stupid and i keep throwing out bad ideas, yet schools hate that bigtime.

    and a kid wee's age being brought into a court is just disgusting and shouldnt' be happening. i wanna run my truck through their school district office. how do you go higher there, what's the chain like?
  17. Jena

    Jena New Member

    your just going to have to handle this like it's your job and totally take the rage out or you'll beat someone iknow i def. would at this point. my god he just got all good/ extra reading help, the para. you gotta run this with the damage they'll do to your son sort of thing with-what their looking to do. make sure you follow up all your calls with letters, a paper trail. you know the deal. can you contact wee's doctor's also?
  18. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I have gone as high as I can in the school district. I've been to the superintendant. We are related to the sped director, so obviously have gone there. (believe me, no favors...which is ok...shouldn't be...but to do her JOB would be nice). I have been to school board.

    I (much to the dismay of many) have called the district's attorney. And got good results til the principal decided to play a different game. He thought then that police involvement was over the top. I'm gonna call him again. Heck, I'm on a first name basis with him.

    My next step 'up the chain' is the state.

    And yes, the paper is an option. But you have to remember, my kid is not a kid most people understand. He can be scarey and if the story is not done very carefully, I'll end up with more people stoning us than the school.
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Shari, in my opinion this is just another reason why as a whole our children are ALL being done a huge disservice by our school system. I would LOVE to know what exactly the principal thinks she will accomplish by going this way with a disabled third grader?? surely she doesn't think you will just go away or that Wee will magically change and become normally abled? Who knows. maybe she also believes she can find real pokemon if she goes to Japan. Bout the same odds for either of those things to happen.

    I am so sorry that htis has happened. PLEASE do NOT go into court without a lawyer to protect Wee's interests. If you have to take out a loan or sell something to pay for it, it will be woth it. You CANNOT fight a legal battle in family court against the schools unless you have GOOD representation. Wee could end up with some nasty marks on his record that could haunt him through the rest of his life. Given Wee's diagnosis's, have you applied for disability for him? Would that give him other legal protections that the courts would look at? I know that some children are given disabled status and it does help in some situations. If nothing else it would prove to the court that he truly IS disabled and that they are truly expecting him to do things that he simply is not capable of doing.

    Heck, his current behavior should prove that you knew what you were talking about when you asked for these services YEARS ago. It should also show that if they had handled him appropriately there would have been NO real problems, that the adults CAUSED the behavior by putting him into situation that he simply is not equipped to handle. in my opinion his behavior is as much the adults' fault as a car crash would be if they put him behind the wheel of a car. Know what I mean???

    If you can, go back through your posts and emails and create a timeline showing all of the various events and problems, what you suggested as remedies and prevention and interventions for him, and what they gave him instead. I think it might be helpful if you showed that schedule wehre they had nine transitions for him before lunch, or something equally idiotic. You posted it in the beginning of the school year as they "tried" to set things up with-o actually giving him an aide.

    MAke SURE you document that first restraint where the guy was untrained. There is a 2yr statute of limitations on most charges, so you can still file assault charges against him and the school. If they drop ALL the legal stuff you can also, but if they insist on bringing charges, then YOU can insist on it also. Seems rather petty and "tit for tat" but sometimes you simply need leverage to get small minded people to behave appropriately.

    I hope and pray that the judge can see a small child with enormous handicaps and a mom who is willing to fight to get what he needs from a two-faced, uncaring school that really doesn't want him there and doesn't want to give him ANY accommodations. Lets all send hopes and prayers and good thoughts that the judge takes the SCHOOL and PRINCIPAL and SUPERINTENDENT to task, gives THEM sanctions, and demands that they give Wee whatever you and his docs say or they spend tim ein jail until they arrange such accommodations. Or at least that the judge tells the school to stop being such stupid idiots and wasting the courts time and abusing Wee and you.


    I am so sorry. in my opinion this principal needs to be given a taste of her own medicine. i wonder what would happen if we suddenly demanded seh speak only in swahili, read only bengali, use her non-dominant hand for everything and perform every single task that a nuclear physicist would do flawlessly. I bet it would be about as reasonable a set of expectations as her expectations for Wee are.

    Would it help Wee if we sent him cards to cheer him on? Wrote simple letters to him? Something to help him feel that there are people who like him and are proud of him because we KNOW how hard he works and how special and wonderful he is?
  20. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I am so angry...I can't post what I really want to say about that principal.

    That said, however, you have to take emotion out of the equation in court and stick with the facts. When these services were in place, this didn't happen. When the school didn't provide those services, thereby not following the IEP, this happened. These are his diagnoses, this is the FBA, these are the recommendations of all of the specialists who have evaluated Wee, this is what has been implemented and followed, this is what the school has refused to implement and/or follow. You will win a lot of credibility with the court if you can do that.


    Then, when this is over us Warrior Moms will march on your school. Should we bring pitchforks?