Wee suspended again.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    He was refusing to work (something he was quite capable of doing - describing a picture for his aid to scribe).

    They took him out of the room for disrupting the class and called me. He was not being bad, he was just not wanting to work. The principal was worried about him developing a habit of work refusal.

    I had a meeting a really needed to go to, so I asked if they could put his aid with him in the library or something until I could get thru the meeting. I was asking for 45 minutes. He was not in a rage, he was just refusing work. I thought, "gee, good chance for them to figure out how to keep him in the building".

    They called 15 minutes later. He had blown and hit and spit on the prinpical again.

    When I asked what happened? They made a plan. THey would roll in his barrel for 5 minutes, then DO THE WORK!

    I have no doubt today was a choice about Wee being a 7 year old, not about his disability. When I got there, he jumped out from under the table and was suddenly happy.

    BUT...again, he will be punished for using a system THEY TAUGHT HIM.

    I am so blessed angry right now, I can't see straight. There is no doubt he has problems that impede his ability to attend school, but today wasn't one of them, today was him using the tools he's been taught.

    And me screwing up by attempting to push the limits of the game.

    I QUIT!!!
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    The principal is worried about developing a habit of work refusal, and their solution is to send him home????? That makes absolutely NO sense.

    They are trying to push him out of their school, in my opinion. If they make it inconvenient enough for you eventually you'll throw up your hands and homeschool him. You need an advocate.

    I don't blame you for wanting to quit. This is unreal.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You might have already tried this, but just in case- have you talked with either your state's office for Child Protection & Advocacy, or the office for Parent Education and Advocacy Training? These might be called something different in your state but should exist in one form or another. One helps fight for the child when a public agency is not doing what they should and the other helps the parent advocate for the child by providing resources, guidance, and suggesting advocates in your area for educational issues. Both should be free.

    I think the first thing out of my mouth at today's meeting would be "What is your plan for providing my child a FAPE?"
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You didn't screw up by pushing him to the limits. If he was refusing to do the work, given his history of raging, the teacher should have just let him sit there - so what, big deal, he's 7 not 14.

    Your suggestion to have his aide go down to the library was totally right on. That's plain old balony that the principal did'nt want him to develop a pattern of not doing his work - that's a justification for their actions pure and simple. He was pushed to do something that he was not capable of doing at the time.

    I'm not trying to second guess you or be mean and nonsupportive, but now it's time for you to take control without regards to the consequences. You have been a little "soft" on really taking this school to the mat becaues of the size of your town and the fear of retaliation should you request what wee is guaranteed, by law. It's time for you to bring out the big guns, stand 100% behind your son, and have the attititude "be darned what anyone thinks or how your actions will affect their feelings" and hold them to the letter of the law.

    If you do, they will find the supports your son needs. If they have to add staff, hire specialists, or bus him out of district, so be it. Their funding issues are not your concern. Don't be worried that you will offend the principal because he has tried to work with your son. He has, this is not personal against him, it's personal for your son!

    In regards to the out of district school that offers emotional supports, naturally they would tell a parent they don't take out of zone or out of district, but by law your son must be educated with the supports he needs to get an education equivilant to his typical peers.

    Fight, fight, and fight some more.

    You've got my numbers. I will support you in any way I can. Your foot needs to go down hard here.

    Shari, please don't be offended by the harshness of my words. They are fueled by the anger and frustration I feel for the well-being of your son. It is totally against everything we stand for as humans for this school to allow your son to suffer and for the principal to allow it to happen. If he was really and trully committed to helping your son, he would have called in the district behavioral specialist and other professionals with more experience in Special Education needs. Those resources are available from the district and the state - it boggles my mind that this continues.....

    In my humble, not in the situation opinion, your son is being damaged by this and it has to/needs to stop today.

    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    No offense taken. I have tried to work with them too much.

    I am done. I was done when they called and said they wanted me to pick him up not cause he was having trouble but cause he was refusing to do the work. What??? That's not a reason for me to go get him!!! That's a reason for you, as his SCHOOL, to figure it out!

    I just hate that I pushed on the magic 11th day, and the last incident on his record is really going to look like he was just choosing to be a butt, because today was just a 7 year old boy who wanted to go home and play with his new Wii game and now knows how to make that happen (he's not, by the way). They ARE hurting myson. They are not educating him, they are making him feel like a failure in everything, and they are teaching him maladaptive ways to deal with his own issues and problems instead of teaching him to overcome them.

    I'm just....p*ssed.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    And now he's taken off. Cr*p
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    From the house?

    Shari, I can't even count the number of times I picked up difficult child in 2nd grade because they didn't know or didn't want to deal. I feel you.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm with LDM on this- and looking back on it, I really wish I'd become a hard-nose with the school in those early years rather than letting them have their way until 6th-7th grade before putting up some fight.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    He took off down the road! We thought he went and sat outside, and kept seeing brake lights on the cars going about a half mile down the road! husband went and got him, he's now asleep on the couch.

    I'm done. I've been done with this all week. I have questioned myself for the past 3 weeks, non-stop. Maybe there "isn't" anything wrong with him but bad parenting, etc...but I don't beleive that, either. If it was just me, other people would handle him...and he'd be getting harder, not easier...there's a whole long list of those who can't at all (and a whole long list of those who can, too, but they don't tend to be using "traditional" methods).

    My fear now, tho, is since this last incident appeared to be a choice to just get out of school (and it did appear that way), that they'll question everything and wipe their hands of him. But, damage is done there, so not much I can about that but see what happens.

    And maybe today wasn't just him "using" the tools he's been given...he was SO anxious last night when we went to that concert...afraid we'd died in a car crash, pestering his brother until way late into the night to call us or make sure we were ok, etc. I don't know and I'm exhausted.
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  10. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Schools can't wipe their hands of kids just because they're hard to deal with. It's against the law.

    Let me play devil's advocate for a moment. Suppose this was wee's way of getting out of being in school. Why wouldn't the school just keep him there?
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shari, here is what I would do. Go down to the school district office and sit outside the Director of Special Education Svcs until they had a plan in place to educate my child. I wouldn't leave until they were done.
    If they try to make you leave, just ask them what they would do if it were their son, or nephew, or cousin, or grandchild. I bet they think twice about putting you off.
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Very good point...they've "taught" him how to get out of school. I've been shocked he hasn't "used" it til now. I guess that's a testament to how much he does want to be a part of it.

    Ironically, BW, SpEd director IS related to Wee. And not too distantly. She's always been good about seperating her job from the rest of her life, but she ought to "get" that statement.
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?


    Its in his BIP - do not require compliance with the task.

    Now...how do I use this.
  14. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    If he is escalating and not disrupting others (which he wasn't because he was out of the room), do not require compliance with the task.

    If he is distracting others, take him out of the room and offer alternative activities, take a walk, or offer sensory activities out of the room.

    Wee also asked to go shoot baskets, which is something I have done with him at school before to help him pull it together. They declined his request.
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Gee, direct violation of their own agreements. I'd agree, I'd go talk to the BoE.

    And... Quite apparently he IS capable and willing to learn ways to deal with them... LOL in an ironic way... They're teaching him the wrong things...

    HUGS. And good for you, for looking it up. Now you have ammunition. LARGE mortar rounds, in my opinion.
  16. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    i honestly think this has gone way beyond getting an advocate and has moved straight into hiring a lawyer territory....