Homeschool isn't even really an option 'cause he needs to learn the social stuff as much as the academics.
Shari, this is pure propaganda, put about primarily by schools who just don't understand how some kids CANNOT learn social skills in a school setting. Also it is pure myth that home schooling prevents kids learning social skills. Utter bunkum.
However, I know you work, so I know home-schooling wouldn't be easy. But considering how much suspension he's getting, you may as well consider this. You're halfway there already.
I had this same situation to deal with, with difficult child 3. Only difference (mainly) was it was difficult child 3 constantly throwing up at school and spiking a mild fever, that had him home so much. I made a point of keeping him working on schoolwork and when I didn't get enough from the school, I gave him my own lessons at home (I bought books and computer software). I kept dropping in to the school to collect work for him and also keep up to date with news sheets etc. The school helped a little (belatedly) by letting us know when there was a special thing (such as the "hats for Haiti" - they told us about Harmony Day and difficult child 3 got dressed in his orange shirt like the other kids for the school photo, then came back home with me despite teachers trying to entice him to stay).
However, that was pretty much where the help left off, with our local school. They also really nagged me about their concerns for his socialisation. The district office actually had been exercising their veto over the correspondence option we now use, because they said he MUST attend mainstream because he's autistic and needs to be around other kids to learn social skills. I found out this is plain wrong. Besides, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids cannot learn social skills by osmosis, the way other kids learn to socialise. Instead they need to be socialised under supervision, with support and in amounts the kids themselves can control. At school it tends to be chaotic especially in the playground, where socialising can be anarchic and confusing for kids who have problems in that area. Also, school is a very unnatural environment - at no other time in your life will you have to spend much of your time with a group of others the same age as you but spanning a wide range of abilities; people who behave often in a very immature and impulsive way, and who are also under the charge of one individual in a position of authority.
School is an artificial environment. The social skills we learn in school will not help us much. We learn more, outside school and in small bites after we have learned to cope in school. We first must be able to cope with school, before we can really learn anything of long-term use there, socially.
If you can't get over that first hurdle, all you will learn at school is the bad stuff.
difficult child 3 learnt a lot of bad social habits at school. He learned how to swear and use some very bad language. He learned how to hit other kids. he learned that it was his place in the world to get beaten up. He learned that he was not going to be safe at school. He learned that he was lonely and unloved at school.
These were not lessons I was happy with.
When he was at home - he worked on lessons during school hours. He often worked much more effectively than he did at school. He could work on the floor if he wanted, or on his bed. or in a box, or up a tree. It's difficult to hold the worksheets till when you're up a tree so we didn't do that one often. We've worked at the beach, in a rainforest, at a wildlife park, in the car at the shopping centre. And I'm talking worksheets here. And he did well.
Socialising while NOT in mainstream - he would come shopping with me. I could give him the shopping list and say, "Go find X for me. Get the most economical size and brand." That is an exercise in maths right there. A darn good one. He would interact with other customers "sonny, could you get that jar off the shelf for me? Your arms are longer than mine." He would interact with shop assistants, whose job it is to be polite to customers. At first it was under my supervision, but for a few years now I can trust difficult child 3 to go off on his own around the mall. If we're trying to buy something expensive and technical, I can send difficult child 3 to check out all the likely stores for the best deal. He is very canny, will talk shopkeepers into the best bargain, then go to the store where we have memberships and then get them to price-match, plus we get the points on our file. Not bad!
What social skills does a person need in the majority of their life? We've found with both our boys, when we pulled them out of mainstream school they did a lot better socially and made faster progress.
What helped me feel more confident on this, was the website of a young man called James Williams. He has autism. If you Google "James Williams" and "autism" you should find his website high on the hit list. Read his description of how he found school. It sounds a lot like what Wee has been experiencing.
Marg
