Weighing heavy

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Seeking Peace, Dec 15, 2015.

  1. Seeking Peace

    Seeking Peace Member

    I took my Difficult Child to an appointment today. While we were waiting, I openly asked her questions about how she feels about things. Mainly the borderline diagnosis. I asked her straight up about things I had suspected she had done to others and she confirmed many of them. I told her I would never tell as I simply wanted her to be honest, so I won't disclose what was shared. I told her THOSE are the things she needs to share in therapy. The therapist needs to really hear what she's thinking, feeling, saying and doing to truly know how to help. She admitted she even played the last therapist who we found that does DBT. She's sad she's this way. Says she's not happy being like this either. I think it's weighing heavy because I got a small glimpse into her mind. The behaviors she's admitted to, although I already knew in my heart were true, only broke my heart so much more for her. I fear her ending up totally alone in life, her biggest fear....
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    It is hard for a mother to hear these words from her daughter. Your child must trust you very much. For her to have you as an ally, for her to have someone who loves her and believes in her and who knows her intentions are good and that she is a good person, will break the barrier of isolation and help your child cope.

    I am sorry you had to hear it, but I am happy for your daughter that she told you.

    Are you aware of NAMI?


  3. Quicksand

    Quicksand Active Member

    My son was just diagnosed with this along with ptsd. It's heartbreaking. I feel your pain. I'm sending you hugs...
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Don't panic about diagnosis. yet. First of all, you could take your adult kids to ten psychiatrists and get ten different diagnosis. Psychiatry is not an exact science. A lot of it is opinion. Another thing to think about. If your adult child uses drugs, one can not diagnose somebody until the person is clean and get a true idea of who he or she is.

    It is possible the diagnosis is right and they are borderline. But I've been in the mental health system (as a patient) since age 23 and have had so many diagnosis. that it makes my head spin. The two I'm sure are true are mood disorder not otherwise specified and anxiety disorder...and probably a non verbal learning problem. This is over forty years.

    Deal with the behaviors in my opinion, not trying to fix them. You can't. I had to fix myself and so do they. I had no loving parent or family to help me when i was in my 20's so I had to do it alone and in a way I really think it was best. My family did not understand and had a lack of compassion (although they all had their own issues, which may be why) and having to stand on my own was frustrating, but it made me more determined; stronger. I do not feel weak now. I am proud of how far I've come to overcome my challenges. Now I am the one everyone comes to when they need advice/a shoulder to cry on. They sense I can understand and help with sound suggestions, perhaps...

    Like drug addiction, your adult child will do better with his/her mental illness once he/she is committed to working hard, going to therapy, taking the right medications (if needed), staying clean and not giving the psychiatrist/psychologist grief. Work hard and you do the best. Admit you need help, chin held high, and work at it. Motivation must be there.This is first hand knowledge. If the person will not accept the diagnosis and not try very hard to change, he or she will not change.

    Nobody caused these issues and you are not going to change your grown child. It is up to him or her.

    Hugs for all the hurting hearts out there.
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  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    That's great that she felt safe enough to open up to you and share with you. What a loving thing you did by encouraging her to be that open and honest with her therapist.
    Thanks for sharing this update with us.

  6. Seeking Peace

    Seeking Peace Member


    I wonder if my daughter feels all alone. If she believes we've abandoned her...I think she's fully convinced herself of it. The reality is we won't allow her to live at home anymore but it's not because we don't love her and want her to do well...
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I *was* abandoned. My family didn't care about me or worry about me or ever try to reach out to me or help me or tell me I was loved. They shunned me and I did not use drugs or do crime...they just decided I was not any good and pretty much my mom told me so. She never even tried to know my kids, her grandchildren.

    You did try to help your daughter and would do it again if she sought help. She knows you love her. You have told her. She may not like your method of trying to help her right now, but she knows that you care about her.

    Don't worry. My situation was way different. In my case, I think my entire family DIDN'T want me to do well and I believe one is ticked off that I am doing well. It is just so different with you.
  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    SP just my opinion, you are at a good place with your girl, mine are not even ready to admit that they need help. One day at a time, step by step.
    You are helping your daughter, as best you can. There are breakthrough medications out there. She is willing to go and try to get help, this is great.
    Prayers for you and your daughter.