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Weird and continued roller coaster ride.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 730013" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm so sorry newstart, I know how much this hurts. </p><p></p><p>My experience is that it all reached critical mass at one point, which appears you've reached..... and as my husband says, "it got real." At that point it usually hurts like hell......however, it is FROM that point, that we begin to rise out of the quagmire.</p><p></p><p>As I read thru your post I thought that it is likely a healthier scenario for YOU AND your husband to rent out the home your daughter lives in to a tenant who will abide by your rules and simply pay you rent. It sure sounds as if it will be better for YOU to not be so directly involved in her affairs. I imagine when you purchased the rental for your daughter to live in you had dreams of that working out for both of you and now that dream has vanished with the reality of the situation. As we go thru this, there is a lot for us to grieve over and let go of, our dreams for our children, our beliefs about what they are capable of, our visions for their destiny, their fate, our dreams about the relationship we'll have with them......and for many of us, all of that goes up in smoke as we come to terms with what reality truly is for our adult kids. It hurts a lot.</p><p></p><p>However, as you let go and do your grieving, the pain of it begins to lessen as we not only stop enabling, but stop believing we know what is best for our kids, stop wanting and trying for the situation to be different than what it is, stop feeling responsible, or guilty......acceptance slowly emerges and you feel quite a bit better.......and oddly, the situation with your daughter may not have changed at all......<em>but you've changed</em>......which is what you've been doing all along newstart, changing. </p><p></p><p>These changes feel bad, they hurt, usually we have to give something up that we thought we wanted. But, on the other side of the grief, is liberation. You're on your way newstart. You're doing a good job........and it doesn't feel good. Hang in there. We're here for you. It will get better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 730013, member: 13542"] I'm so sorry newstart, I know how much this hurts. My experience is that it all reached critical mass at one point, which appears you've reached..... and as my husband says, "it got real." At that point it usually hurts like hell......however, it is FROM that point, that we begin to rise out of the quagmire. As I read thru your post I thought that it is likely a healthier scenario for YOU AND your husband to rent out the home your daughter lives in to a tenant who will abide by your rules and simply pay you rent. It sure sounds as if it will be better for YOU to not be so directly involved in her affairs. I imagine when you purchased the rental for your daughter to live in you had dreams of that working out for both of you and now that dream has vanished with the reality of the situation. As we go thru this, there is a lot for us to grieve over and let go of, our dreams for our children, our beliefs about what they are capable of, our visions for their destiny, their fate, our dreams about the relationship we'll have with them......and for many of us, all of that goes up in smoke as we come to terms with what reality truly is for our adult kids. It hurts a lot. However, as you let go and do your grieving, the pain of it begins to lessen as we not only stop enabling, but stop believing we know what is best for our kids, stop wanting and trying for the situation to be different than what it is, stop feeling responsible, or guilty......acceptance slowly emerges and you feel quite a bit better.......and oddly, the situation with your daughter may not have changed at all......[I]but you've changed[/I]......which is what you've been doing all along newstart, changing. These changes feel bad, they hurt, usually we have to give something up that we thought we wanted. But, on the other side of the grief, is liberation. You're on your way newstart. You're doing a good job........and it doesn't feel good. Hang in there. We're here for you. It will get better. [/QUOTE]
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Weird and continued roller coaster ride.
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