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<blockquote data-quote="mattsmom27" data-source="post: 56461" data-attributes="member: 50"><p>I'm laughing at the cold wet nose on bum mental picture.</p><p></p><p>*cough* Okay, here's a confession .... *cough* .... This "IS" a anonymous place after all ....</p><p></p><p>So picture this ... Mattsmom escapes with now DEX (easy child's daughter) for a few days away camping shortly after easy child's birth. Camping at a national park/campground and our camping spot is very secluded. DEX and I had a few too many drinks and were sitting side by side on a blanket having a bonfire. Surrounded by serious bush/trees on pretty much all sides. We keep hearing this rustling in the bush in the distance, making me nervous. It was loud enough that I just knew it was a large animal. I want to go to the tent but DEX is laughing at my "city girl ways" and we stay by the fire. The rustling getting closer, just at the edge of the campsite. DEX is insisting that animals aren't going to bother us since we are sitting by a big fire. I'm really unhappy, it's so dark in our campsite as moonlight and stars are blocked out by dense trees, so can barely see around the fire and beyond that, blackness. Suddenly I hear a skittering BEHIND me, NOT in the bush but in the dirt of our campsite. I freeze, DEX freezes. Silence. I think we are safe and the animal is gone when out of nowhere, a feel a cold, wet nose on my bum!!! I kid you not. *gulp* Yes, I was "au natural". A cold ... wet ... nose .... on my .... BUM! I hissed in a whispering tone, "THERE IS SOMETHING BREATHING ON MY <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD YOU ARE A MAN .... DO SOMETHING". So DEX (yeah, he's an EX!) bolts to his feet and races across the camp site. AWAY from me, the fire, and the monster breathing on my <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />! I had a long branch I'd been using to poke the fire/embers in my hand. I started wacking furiously all around me in the dark and there is skirmishing between me and the evil beast. Evenutally I connected and heard hideous growls and noises before I won the battle and the beast scrambled into the bush. I stood up FURIOUS with DEX. By now he is back by the fire .... BELLY LAUGHING WITH TEARS STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE!!! I ran to the tent and refused to budge back outside. For a good hour I heard skirmishes. I knew the beast was back to take revenge. DEX eventually stuck a camera out the tent door and snapped pictures. We woke in the morning to a missing bar of chocolate and bag of marshmallows (like I was cleaning the campsite after a beast tried to take a piece of ME??!!!???!!).</p><p>When we developed the pics, there was the beast caught on tape raiding my campsite in retaliation for being beaten with a large branch .... Rocky freaking Raccoon!!!</p><p>So uh ... yeah ... there was no ceiling to pick me off of a week later, but ever since I twitch when I hear bushes rustling and every time I see my garbage bins ransacked in the morning, I know Rocky followed me home and is seeking his revenge. All the fools who think raccoons are cute? Sweet? Would make a cute pet? Think again ... gosh realllllly think again. Because a raccoon will take you out given half a chance.</p><p>True story, only shared with a few, usually reserved for drunken moments when I can tell the story without utter humiliation. I'll take a frog in a pool anyday :wink:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mattsmom27, post: 56461, member: 50"] I'm laughing at the cold wet nose on bum mental picture. *cough* Okay, here's a confession .... *cough* .... This "IS" a anonymous place after all .... So picture this ... Mattsmom escapes with now DEX (easy child's daughter) for a few days away camping shortly after easy child's birth. Camping at a national park/campground and our camping spot is very secluded. DEX and I had a few too many drinks and were sitting side by side on a blanket having a bonfire. Surrounded by serious bush/trees on pretty much all sides. We keep hearing this rustling in the bush in the distance, making me nervous. It was loud enough that I just knew it was a large animal. I want to go to the tent but DEX is laughing at my "city girl ways" and we stay by the fire. The rustling getting closer, just at the edge of the campsite. DEX is insisting that animals aren't going to bother us since we are sitting by a big fire. I'm really unhappy, it's so dark in our campsite as moonlight and stars are blocked out by dense trees, so can barely see around the fire and beyond that, blackness. Suddenly I hear a skittering BEHIND me, NOT in the bush but in the dirt of our campsite. I freeze, DEX freezes. Silence. I think we are safe and the animal is gone when out of nowhere, a feel a cold, wet nose on my bum!!! I kid you not. *gulp* Yes, I was "au natural". A cold ... wet ... nose .... on my .... BUM! I hissed in a whispering tone, "THERE IS SOMETHING BREATHING ON MY :censored:, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD YOU ARE A MAN .... DO SOMETHING". So DEX (yeah, he's an EX!) bolts to his feet and races across the camp site. AWAY from me, the fire, and the monster breathing on my :censored:! I had a long branch I'd been using to poke the fire/embers in my hand. I started wacking furiously all around me in the dark and there is skirmishing between me and the evil beast. Evenutally I connected and heard hideous growls and noises before I won the battle and the beast scrambled into the bush. I stood up FURIOUS with DEX. By now he is back by the fire .... BELLY LAUGHING WITH TEARS STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE!!! I ran to the tent and refused to budge back outside. For a good hour I heard skirmishes. I knew the beast was back to take revenge. DEX eventually stuck a camera out the tent door and snapped pictures. We woke in the morning to a missing bar of chocolate and bag of marshmallows (like I was cleaning the campsite after a beast tried to take a piece of ME??!!!???!!). When we developed the pics, there was the beast caught on tape raiding my campsite in retaliation for being beaten with a large branch .... Rocky freaking Raccoon!!! So uh ... yeah ... there was no ceiling to pick me off of a week later, but ever since I twitch when I hear bushes rustling and every time I see my garbage bins ransacked in the morning, I know Rocky followed me home and is seeking his revenge. All the fools who think raccoons are cute? Sweet? Would make a cute pet? Think again ... gosh realllllly think again. Because a raccoon will take you out given half a chance. True story, only shared with a few, usually reserved for drunken moments when I can tell the story without utter humiliation. I'll take a frog in a pool anyday [img]:wink:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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