Welcome Madhippyma

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by madhippyma, Apr 1, 2012.

  1. madhippyma

    madhippyma New Member

    Hi I live in the UK and at first that put me off joining, however after some thought I realised you lot over the water are so much more open about the problems we face than in the UK - if you say your kids have ADHD over here its like saying you have the clap :/

    My story - I have 7 children - the first two were born prem by 4 & 6 weeks - DS1 Has been recently (Sept 11) diagnosed with ADHD/AS, my 3rd Child DD2 has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) & sensory processing disorder (SPD) (sensory processing disorder) & P&SCD (personal & social communication disorder) my 6th child DD4 Has been referred and is being considered on the Autistic Spectrum Also. About 2 years ago my already turbulent and ill-tempered daughter began to behave extreme to say the least - swearing, stealing, lying, violent outbursts and strange crying and screaming - when fconfronted with evidence of her stealing or lies she shows no remorse, no guilt - in fact she gets angry that she has been discovered - I am not a harsh or cruel parent I havent smacked my children, I had home births, breast fed, attachment parented and have used all the positive parenting techniques I know of. She then about a year ago started running away - shes never been one for coming in on time or even for meals - then it got to staying out overnight (she will be 13 this month). She is fully developed and is as tall as I am physically strong and NOT afraid to use violence towards me or her father or her siblings, she lies tell people i beat her - the local police have spent 208 hours longing for her from Jan 2012 til now including 3 overnight stays - my sister had her stay over for 2 weeks she came home - we found £700 worth of goods she had stolen from my sister - digital cameras, mobile phones, jewellery, makeup (all of which she already owns). Recently (6 days ago) she went missing again for nearly 27 hours - she was brought back by police - she was aggressive and oppositional even with them - they stood there clearly judging me for lack of parenting until she proceeded to run off from them (causing a chase on foot and car) when they brought her home the second time she had booted one copper in the privates, slapped another, called them every name in the sun - they werent so superior then - she had told them I had beat her (thank God I have witnesses to prove I hadn't) they opened whats known in the UK as a Section 47 child protection order on her - even after she admitted to lying about the beating - now I have Social Services breathing down my neck - she destroyed my downstairs area kicked the door in to the family room, smashed ornaments, photo frames and wrote cuss words on my notice boards - she attacked her father, a family friend and myself, threw a rock at her dad which narrowly missed the baby (aged 2).

    I am at my wits end - I have tried everything - my kids have always had rules & consequences + & - I am consistent - far from perfect but a good mum who adores her kids - now I am at risk of losing ALL of them because of the behaviour of just one.

    The past few weeks I have felt so low myself - just wanting to curl up into a ball and die - I worry for her, for her future as well as for the safety of her siblings, my husband has suffered 2 strokes and suffers from anxiety disorder - unfortunately he and her clash like crazy and I feel like piggy in the middle - whatever I do or say is always wrong - and if I dont speak up then I obviously dont care. I feel so helpless to alter the dynamics in the family - my other special needs kiddies need so much extra care anyways, and the "normal" ones as well - my hubby doesnt deal with conflict very well - becomes aggressive and anxious etc etc - so I feel at a no win situation.

    I have asked my husband to move out after he shouted at my 4 year old DD6 (suspected Autism) I kindly said if she is autistic she cannot help her behaviour and if she isnt then shouting wont help anyway - he flew into a rage and I snapped. I am scared stiff of the future alone as a single mum of 7 kids - isolated from family and unable to drive or afford transport to meet the family needs.

    I am so sorry for off loading all this on you guys but I suppose its what this place is for. Thanks so much for just letting me know I AM NOT ALONE :(

    I am usually a very positive and bubbly person, full of patience and love of life, but since Christmas my mental health and physical health is really suffering - noone seems to care within my immediate family - my friends have watched me go through this - not knowing what to say/do for the best - they now are struggling to comprehend why I am under the social services and being classed as a danger - its destroying me slowly.

    Thanks - madhippyma

    SO - Anxiety Disorder/Dysphasia/Dyspraxia (brain injury through stroke)
    DS1 - ADHD/AS
    DD1 - difficult child and possible conduct disorder of some kind
    DD2 - Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/sensory processing disorder (SPD) & P&SCD
    DD3 - Normal so far - bit mischievous & cheeky but nothing
    DS2 - Cogenital Scoliosis (surgery at 2 years)
    DD4 - ADHD/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)
    DS3 - 2 year old - seems perfectly ok at the mo :/
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Madhippyma,

    You certainly have a lot going on right now and I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to. With all that is happening it is understandable that you are depressed. Have you spoken to a therapist at all? It is so important to take care of you through all of this. I always think of what they say on the planes about putting the air mask on yourself first and then helping your children. It's like that in everyday life as well.

    I'm not sure how things work but am wondering if there is some sort of a residential placement your almost 13 year old could take advantage of? I know it has to be so difficult trying to keep everyone safe.

    Others will be along soon and will have other suggestions.

    Sending gentle hugs your way.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH my dear new board sister!!! You have a houseful of difficult child's (gifts from god)...and issues with your partner too?? Holy cow. I am really sorry. I too am typically easy going, happy, etc.... even now, not really depressed...but I have times of anxiety (over situational issues as you do too...real life problems! we have a right to be upset right??)

    We have others here from the UK by the way! some not living in the UK now but some are. Several members from other countries too so you are in great company. My son does not run away but is aggressive and uses inappropriate words/language too. And I dont have six others to care for. when he is in a panic he is just as upset with any adult. He does seem to try to calm around police but our cops have guns and tasers! They would not use it on him (well unless he had a weapon himself I guess) but my son knows they have this and at his mental level he is afraid.

    Do you have places like we do called residential treatment centers? A long term hospital/residential kind of setting....school and everything is done there. could that be an option? Maybe when the social service people come you can ask them for services for her? We have options (well sadly, different counties respond differently but in general) to voluntarily seek child protection and others of us have county case managers (public health nurses or social workers) in the disability area of our child (developmental disabilities, brain injury, mental health etc...) and they help us find services. (again depends on the area...should be the same everywhere but it is not). Do you have any options like that where you are living?

    In any event, just want you to know that at least we can help you by giving you a place to talk. We DO understand how intense this is and living in a community that does not respond appropriately to your children's diagnosis must be really difficult. Many marriages suffer when there are the added stressors of special needs children. I am not in a relationship but many here are and will be able to share with you their stories.

    Welcome, keep posting. I am glad you decided to join us, the internet wipes away boarders and brings us close to each other, we are all parents who love our kids and are struggling with intense and at times outrageous issues. HUGS to you....
  4. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Hello Madhippyma,
    I just wanted to welcome you. I am not from the US or in the US. Actually I am originally from England, but have lived in Israel for the last 38 years.
    I haven't got any great advice for you, since my difficult child, who is my youngest child, is already 25 years old and is actually in Australia where he has been for just over a year, so I haven't got a clue how to cope with the sort of load that you have. But I am a long-standing member of this board, which has been a life-saver for me and for so many others. So I just wanted to welcome you here. I'm sorry you needed to find us, but I am pleased that you did find us and I hope you will find the support here that you so obviously need.
    Love, Esther