Welcome praeda!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by smallworld, Aug 22, 2008.

  1. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator


    I've copied your response to someone else's thread and started a new thread for you so we could properly welcome you. Just want you to know you're not alone in your feelings and you'll find a lot of support here.

  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Welcome Praeda,

    You're certainly not alone.
    I know I've felt this way dealing with my difficult child many times. Like yours, my boy is an Aspie, has very little respect, serious boundary issues, no empathy, etc. etc. He too had years and years of trouble at school.

    He's now in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/Assisted Living facility under very tight supervision and he's doing way better.

    Sorry you're having such struggles with your son. You've found a wonderful group. We've been there done that and understand what you're going through. You'll get lots of support and advice here, not to mention an ear when you need to vent, strong shoulders when you need to cry, and good friends to share in laughter and happy moments.

    So glad you found us, but sorry that you had to.


  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    :welcomehome:Hi Praeda!

    Welcome to our little corner of the internet. Your story is a common one here. Please, feel free to vent. We understand and you cannot write anything that will shock us.

    We're shock proof!
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome and as others have said you are not alone. We all love our kiddos but there are many times we really don't like them. I know it's hard but try not to give time thinking about being labeled a bad mom at school. They don't you or your struggles and people need to learn to not be so judgmental.

    Does he have an IEP and a BIP to help him at school?

    You will find great support here, you have truly found a soft place to land where people understand.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Welcome!! Most of us have reached that feeling a few times! This is a great place to vent and get support and I've found that this helps me from reaching that point so often. Also, experienced Moms (and Dads) offer suggestions that work pretty well sometimes, too! Hang in there!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Praeda, welcome.
    gosh, your son sounds like mine. Except that he sometimes hugs me--really tightly--and other times stiffens up. And he generally makes good eye contact.
    I hear you.
    I would suggest that you lower your expectations of having him hug you. I mean, completely wipe it off the slate, at least for the time being. You're expecting a dog to act like a cat. Really.
    You need to establish rules and boundaries. You're thinking he won't listen, but he will, because you have bargaining chips--for ex., where does he get his music? His instruments? His speakers? whose $ is he using?
    Aspies tend to take things literally, so sit him down when he's calm, and tell him you are changing the house rules right now. Say it in a nice tone of voice. Turn off the circuit breaker if you need quiet time to talk to him. (And give him warning that you are going to talk to him quietly--he's probably horrid with-transitions.)
    Don't expect an overnight miracle. But he can change.
    There are lots of books out there on Asperbergers. Have you read any of them? They have really helped me, even though my son is supposedly not an Aspie.
  7. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Praeda,

    This is a wonderfully helpful and supportive group of parents and I hope you'll find comfort and understanding here.

    There's a site for adults with AS called Wrong Planet and one thing I would suggest you do is to visit and browse through the posts that adults who have similar issues as your son are making there. You can gain a lot of perspective just by seeing where they are coming from.
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi Praeda! I've got 2 aspies that are like night and day. I know how you feel about living to advocate for them, yet difficult child 1 doesn't even realize what HE did to get the phone call, the meeting, the suspension, the "you need to come get him or we're calling an ambulance or the cops", the "would his Dr. consider a higher dose" reactions from school.

    And don't you just love the rages?

    Not looking for a hug, just the occasional permission from King and Country that I can say whatever I want to say for 5 mins. out of the year without thinking about him reacting!

    Icky, icky kids sometimes aren't they?

    Let us know what you've done medically, socially, school wise, etc. When you get a chance, do a signature on the bottom. This way we can get to know you better!

    Welcome - this is a really great group!

  9. ML

    ML Guest

    Welcome Praeda

    I didn't know about the wrong planet website, I'll be checking into that.

    Boy, they all present differently My son is also in the spectrum. He hugs fine, always makes eye contact with people he knows but turns away when in new and or anxiety provoking situations. Sort of looks down in an "I'm too shy" sort of fashion. BUT, he doesn't have the talents your son has. That may be the thing that brings him success in the world.

    I believe that these brain differences bring a unique set of perspective to an otherwise black and white world; colors in the grey with bright colors. One of our jobs is to help them manage in a hostile world while helping them use their gifts.

    You can come here for hugs any time. We don't know you yet, but we already love you.