Welcome to cap66

[Kathy813]

Wow, I came hear looking for help - very similar situation.
My son is 18.5 and just graduated HS. VERY high IQ, a&B studetn in school, but has always been oppositional.
Has been on medications for ADD since 12. He was very involved in out-of school athletics at an elite level until Jr year.
We found out late in 2011that he has been smoking port for almost 2 years.

promised to quit and actually think he id
However he has been caught with pop, pipes, lighters etc. - multiple times over last 3 months by husband or I or both.

Husband had latent alcohol abuse issues and I was treated for shopping addition.

I have been 'clean' - no credit card binges for 2 years - husband has been mostly sober for 3 years. I am worried that he is slipping as work pressures are ridicuolouly high.


I have found son's weed and bongs 3x in last 10 days - that I have not told husband about as I am worried about him going over the edge.

Son see counselor, but does not seem to want to or have any incentive to quit smoking.

He has smoked in our house - while alone and with 13 yr old son in other part of house

he is not a bad kid, just that i see this habit controlling him.

He is supposed to go away to big 10 school in fall and frankly - I am worried that he will blow everything, money, opportunity, etc.
Any suggestions on where to start?

Welcome to the SA forum of the CD board. I have started a new thread for you so we can get to know you. I think you have reason to worry about your son going off to college in the fall. In my experience, substance abuse was the reason my difficult child did not do well in college despite being very smart. Could you tell him that he has to prove himself in a community college before you will finance him going off to the big 10 school?

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

Welcome cap66 I'm sorry you have to be here but glad you found us.

I know you are trying to keep peace in the house and prevent problems but your husband needs to be told. Both of you have struggled and overcome addiction issues so he should know how to deal with his reaction to this news If you keep this from your husband you are continuing the enabling dance that you both know so well. Your son will bank on the fact that you will hide his use from his dad and continue allowing him to smoke pot.

I don't want to be discouraging but my daughter went away to college almost three years ago and we knew she was smoking pot and drinking. Of course you know what happened. She lasted two months before she was arrested on campus and eventually suspended for a semester and never went back. We are still paying off the tuition we lost from that experiment. Had I to do it all over I would not have sent her away to college. The way things are in colleges now the drug use and drinking is so prevalent that if he starts out there already using it will only escalate.

I think you need to tell your husband and come up with a plan, and that should include absolutely no pot smoking in or around your house.

Nancy