welcome twfme

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by twfme, Jan 26, 2012.

  1. twfme

    twfme New Member

    I've just discovered this forum and feel intensely better just knowing there are people out there I can talk to who understand the pain I'm going through. so... I've always had trouble with the idea of kicking my 22,24, now 26 yo daughter out of the house because it will cause me so much more worry and pain - where is she staying, what if she doesn't have a place to stay - will she turn to prostitution to get by? what if someone hurts her, abducts her, etc. it's such a dangerous world. she doesn't have friends or other family to turn to, it's just us. Guess I've got to go figure out all the abbreviations to identify her but, she is definitely adhd (diagnosed professionally at age 11). She broke up with her boyfriend - they were living together for 4 years, and she had to move back home when she couldn't keep up with her finances. Now, the overdue bills she's piled up just keep coming in, including some from the IRS. She has decided to try to join the army - went to see a recruiter who told her she had to be off her adhd medications for 6 months before she could even apply. She has 4 months to go and I don't know if she'll make it - or if they will even take her with history of adhd, horrible credit, etc. But, she is determined that she is going to make it. We just found out that she stole our bank card and withdrew and spent $800 in 10 days - not on drugs, on going out to party at clubs. We had told her (before we found this out) we were going to help her with all the overdue bills to get her back to ground zero and now this. I am just sick to my stomach and don't know where to turn, what to do. Of course, no health insurance, no job (other than part time), and, apparently many of you are in the same boat.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    If she is unable to work, I would refer her to Social Security or Welfare and then to subsidized housing. I honestly don't know whether I would kick her out. I might. I might also make an irrevocable pledge that the next time money it missing from anyone anywhere the police will be called. And I would definitely follow through with that. They might not come out, but I would file a report and I would name her. Then I would give her a move out date.

    Be aware, you may find that you have to legally evict her to get rid of her. But you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello and welcome to the CD board.

    My 26-year-old daughter also stole from us for a long time. It was usually small amounts but it hurt just the same. In our case, our difficult child was drinking and abusing prescriptions pills that she was prescribed for her depression and ADHD.

    We kicked her out several times, let her back, and the cycle just went on and on. Each time she said that it was going to be different, but it never was.

    We finally had enough when she forged a check on our account while we were out of town last summer and then stole a credit card shortly after that to buy beer. We offered her a choice of leaving voluntarily or facing prosecution and she choose to leave. She had nowhere to go and that finally forced her into a 30 day rehab. After that, we still refused to let her return and she is now in a halfway house looking for a job.

    I don't think your daughter is going to leave voluntarily. You could try the rules that Lisa mentioned and see what happens. Just be prepared to follow through if she doesn't follow the rules. You need to be careful, though, and check the laws in your state. In some states, like mine, you cannot just "kick" someone out . . . even if she has not been paying rent. In Georgia, you need to go through the eviction process to remove someone who has established residency from your home. Others on the board have found the same thing in their states, too.

    Keep posting. This is a wonderful place to find comfort and support.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Adding my welcome. You have found a supportive and caring place to share. Most often there are no easy or quick answers for our painful situations and it really is a comfort to have "a soft place to land". Hugs. DDD
  5. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    I'm 29 yr old mom of 3 but I can relate with how protective u are w ur children. My 2 grls was sexually abused by their AD army father and suffer from PTSD. Where they have went through so much I am afraid to let them out of my sight bc I fear someone will hurt them again. It had got so bad over summer they wasn't allowed to go outside but instead stay inside and play games etc. If we wasn't in therapy I would have never been able to gain the gutts to actually let lose of the rope a bit. If you don't have a therapist I would suggest getting one to help you work through this in a healthy way. Welcome to our group I'm new here also and I have found so much acceptance and optimistic replies that always leave me feeling empowered.

    Lots of love
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! My concern with her being off ADHD medications would be that she would turn to drugs to cope. I would discourage the service and get her back on medications.