Well 2 weeks in jail and still causing stress

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by cher, Nov 3, 2012.

  1. cher

    cher New Member

    Hello all, I did not bail difficult child out and am getting letters that say all the things you want to here I change blah blah blah but when I went to visit him I was informed that he was never going to stop drinking and he is just going to do his time and then leave to go out of state, Great if he gets out and goes away but I know he won't. I am thinking of getting the eviction process started but feel like I am kicking a dog when down. For him to tell me he will not stop being the drunk scary man I believe him because with his anger problems he is honest to the point he does not care if he hurts people or not. I just can not believe he thinks this life style is okay. Ughh I am grateful I have time to think about what is best for me and husband.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good for you for not bailing him out. He has to deal with the consequences of his behavior. I think it's very important to have a plan and get the eviction process/restraining order, whatever needs to happen started to protect you and your husband. You have time while he's in jail to figure out your course of action. He made it clear he has no intention of changing. But, you can change, you do not have to put up with his behavior, you do not have to fix him, you cannot change it, you didn't cause it and you can't control it. Follow your instincts and don't let your feeling sorry for him get in the way, he's a grown man who is responsible for his choices, you are not. You're not kicking a dog while he's down, you're taking care of yourself and allowing him to do the same. You've done a good job, continue detaching in a healthy way and get as much support as you can. (((HUGS)))
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They all say that when they go to jail. I cant tell you the things my son promised me while he was in jail! Heavens, he should have his GED, been in therapy for the past 6 or so years, been on medications, had a post graduate degree by now since he would have achieved that GED the first time...lol. Oh and probably been a deacon in the church by now.

    You just have to remember that what they say while in jail should sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown. Waw, waw, waw.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Going to jail is basically moving out. You do NOT have to allow him to return to your home, esp as he is not paying rent to you. At least here you don't. I would send him a letter telling him that he needs to figure out where to live when he gets out because your home is not open to him. Usually the jail will help them find a place if they lose their residence when they go to jail. I wouldn't let an angry addicted person move back into my home. It isn't good for either of you to have him at your home. He is an adult and this is a fairly predictable consequence of his actions, in my opinion. I know it may feel mean, but until he is uncomfortable enough to need to change, he isn't going to. Letting him return to your home just postpones when he will hit bottom and it spreads his misery to you. You don't need that.

    For all the promises he gives you, know that Janet is right, they are pretty much waw waw waw like charlie brown's teacher.