Well i am new

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by candiecotton, Apr 22, 2010.

  1. candiecotton

    candiecotton Guest

    HI first of all i am going to apologize , i do not use caps or periods most of the time & at times my spelling is insane. I usually will be posting from my laptop & the keys stick so as i said in advance im sorry if this gets on anyones nerves.

    So let me tell you about myself, I'm susan married 13 years ( in july) to shawn , we have 6 children between us & ( he has one before marriage i had 3,) my 3 older children ( please dont judge) do not have the same bio father . but anyway my 15 ( on sat) G has after 7-8 years of us telling the school,her dr,her councelor has just been diag with ODD & possibly adhd, after the psychologist reading her file that has been put together through 3 different schools 2 councelors & her group home ( she is not able to live hiome because at times she cn be a danger to herself & us ,i will explain that later.) she is not happy with this diagnosis but now i lknow i am not crazy.

    G has been in care since august when an inexpirenced childrens aid worker came in & her room was a huge mess , she was in a foster home along with her 2 younger siblings ( her older brother being over 16 it didnt impact him) at the foster home she was placed in she was doing the same things she did at home & was asked to leave & she was placed in a group home in november.she is home every day but sunday night & monday basically she is in care because she needs the option for when she is a danger to herself or others to be able to be removed from the home without consequences. & the people in the group home are better trained to help her when shes in one of her "moods".She has had to go back early a few sundays .
    Her brother & sister are coming home tomorrow & she is not ,that has caused a bit of moodyness in her . but now we know that shes ODD we can start to learn how to help her as well .
    Her behavior ranges from extreme mood swings to urniating in bags & putting it out her window to having bowel movements in buckets in her room , a few weeks ago she set the keys to my laptop on fire melting several keys . this evening she poured scented oil from a diffuser on the lap desk we have for the laptop . of course she denied it but i know she did it
    most times when we talk to her we dont know what mood were going to get with her we are walking on egg shells most of the time to avoid a tirade .
    we were advised by the socal worker at the group home to send her back when she has an episode where shes destroying things & yelling & screaming but my husband doesnt want too he thinks i should handle it as her mom I am at the point where im going to drop her off at her bio fathers house & say here ive had her for 15 you can have her till shes 18 ... but i would never do that of course .
    Im hoping im in the right place i am lost here & drowning fast i dont know where to turn because everything i do will be critizised by childrens aid & i really dont know where to turn
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Susan,
    You have found a place of great support. From the behaviors you described, it sounds like it could be more than just adhd and ODD. Has she ever been evaluated by a nuero-psychologist or a psychiatrist? Sounds like you are really dealing with a lot. Glad you found us, others will be along soon.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Susan, nice to meet you.

    She has way more issues than just ODD. That's an adjective as far as I'm concerned. I'm not a dr--that's just my opinion.

    Having bowel movements in buckets in her room, etc. is not just ODD. She's got some other issues like Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (Sensory Integration Disorder), or maybe her ADHD is so out of control she just can't take the time to use a real toilet. Does she still go in her pants?

    What was her development like as a baby and toddler? Did her biodad have any issues in himself and/or his family in regard to mental illness, alcoholism, drug use, autism, etc?

    Have you had her evaluated by a neurologist? I know Sharon mentioned that but I can't emphasize it enough.

    I can't believe your husband thinks you should just get over it and parent her yourself. This is way beyond normal parenting and he is in denial. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's what I'm seeing here.

    What happened immediately prior to her setting your laptop on fire? What happened just b4 she poured oil on the lap desk? Is she bored? Needing attention (even if it's negative)? Experimenting like a 2-yr-old but in an older kid's body? Have you had psychoeducational testing done? Is she at her chronological age level for school and emotions?

    Most of the kids on this board are below their actual chronological age in regard to maturity.

    Could you write up a profile and signature so we/I can see it on every note you write? I'm brain dead most of the time and will never remember how old your kids are, etc. unless I can see that. Thanks!
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the site - you do not have to worry about being judged here.

    I, too, think there is way more going on with your daughter than ADHD & ODD. Perhaps the psychiatrist wanted to spend more time with her to get a full evaluation of her.

    I agree with social worker that you should send her back to group home when she acts up. husband is wrong here. There is nothing good that can come out of you trying to reign her in at that point. Just think about previous parental tries. What came of it? A meltdown? An argument? Violence? There is just no good outcome. Sorry. There are good reasons for the social worker to suggest this result.
    Is it traditional? NO WAY! But, it is the best thing for this child. In essence this action on your part (sending her back) would be the best parenting move you could do. And - I know - the hardest! It is heart breaking to turn over your parenting to another. But, it is in the best interest of the child. So you must.
    If you child had cancer you would not try to administer the chemo yourself, right? Right.