well.... I have my own room....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by amazeofgrace, Nov 30, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    finally, I wish I weren't still living here at my parents, but I am. This weekend we finished converting my Dad's un-used den into an ultra cool bedroom for difficult child II, which means I am no longer sharring a room with a 12 y/o, and I can have a private place other then the bathroom.

    14 days until S2BX get's out of jail, he was served the D papers last week. I have huge knots of anxiety thinking about it. I have no idea what to expect and have this huge feeling of dread. I could see him doing somehting to cause immense heart ache b4 or on Xmas, sigh.................
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Yeah! And I bet you think your room is ultra cool also since it is now all yours!! :)
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    AOG_ I'm glad you got your room! Divorce is a traumatic situation- particularly for those who have religious feelings. I had a horrible time dealing with mine- or should I say, not dealing with it??. Anyway, I just wanted to send an extra support and let you know that this is not easy for anyone.... PM me if you need an extra shoulder..
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs...glad you have your own space. Sending some extra strength to you about your divorce...been there done that. If you want to talk, PM me.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Plan for the worst and expect it - when it happens it's like you already read the book and have a plan -

    Put a little prayer on those knots. Makes them liveable for a while. Matter of fact just give God the entire chain - knots and all.

  6. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    You do know what you can exspect and the huge dread is the face of the tornatdo on its way to your door just when you have a safe space.
    I like the idea of brainstorming when a goal is identified.

    Getting out of the way is a means to control what happens to you. Find a volunteer to act as your security guard. Someone who will hoover outside or be involved with your family over the days from his out day to after Christmas who will escort the man off the property and summons the police. An adult, someone with a cool and stronge well mannered aproach. Make a point to have the school your childen go to know not to release your children to their father. Have a plan where the children are being driven and escorted so that the father is not "assuming" that he can do as he feels.
    Take 100% of the responcibliity for your children being seperate from the blow back and emotional garbage that has no place being dumped on them.
    Conceeding space is a terrific tool for evading the hothead. Where they go do not go.
    Trade your car with someone else so that he is not "seeing" you because he does not recognise the car.
    Do not answer just because he calls or because he is at the door.
    Let your lawyer handle any communication and tell your lawyer that you will be available in the new year by date and time so that any contact is by appointment only.
    ,through your attorney.
    Make the best of this time with your children and get the help for them they need to feel happy.
    Until you know otherwise assume your the custodial parent, because you are.
    Whose children are you as an adult going to have in an emotionaly ttortuous scene?
    Talk to others alot and make a list so that you are not "helpless and hopeless" and "do not know what to do"...Keep your kids safe body mind spirit
    Live your life.
    Think of yourself as aquest in your parents home. have the x arrange time sometime in the new year but do not talk to him at all but to refer ONCE to your attorney. Let your security person make that referral.

    Or are you really getting ready to be all caught up in the drama? GEt the bondaries up and clear in everyones mind. YOurs first.

    This first is the place where you are not attained by any means that you choose not to be.
    What alot of women today do not do that women did befor is just ignor men. They are spending all day everyday prowling around looking to meet women and it does not one bit of haarm to just not respond. Yes you are getting a divorse and yes he has childen and to safely do those relationships you, MOM make the boundaries firm as steele.
    Legally he has tools. Let HIM do his part. And answer when NO is the answer.
    You do not have to talk to the man. You do not have to "let" him talk to your children. What you will "have to" do is whatever is in the court ordered material that you and your attorney have not crafted.
    Screen the calls coming into your home. Make a pact and plan with your parents.
    REmember the man can NOT staulk you either.
    He is in the tight spot. NOt you. You are taking care of your family.
    Whatever you do not let him have the edge. That is inapropriate and you aare not his target. IF he has to talk to you you have a prearranged appointment with your attorney, or mediaation, or a conseling session.
    Get really stronge right now. Is my advise.
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Your prayers have to be answered in some way. That man will not go through this life at peace with what he has done and is doing to you.
    It just sickens me.
    I hate what you are going through and have had to deal with.

    I am happy you at least will have a moment for yourself.
    Please have a plan and protect yourself.
  8. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    So glad that you have some space to yourself now. It is so hard to go back and live with parents. been there done that. Sending many hugs.

    As for what will be with S2BX don't sweat it. You have been now let it go. If something happens let it happen. You'll pick up the pieces again. We will be right there with the dust pans if necessary. Try and relax (I know how hard that is) and enjoy your little moment of space.