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Parent Emeritus
Well I'm back and being stupid still...again!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 15722" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Hi Rob, sorry things are slipping backwards. I keep thinking this whole parenting thing is a process between how we want it and how it actually is. </p><p>My difficult child told me the other day that he didn't care for a group of young men because their parents never pushed them to do anything. He said that I pushed(I prefer the term nudged) him to learn to drive, to go away from home, to be held accountable. He thought the others were too dependent and seemed to want to live with their parents forever. They didn't see what the real world was like or offered them. </p><p>This is like wisdom from the mouth of babes. He drags his feet over everything, fights me then accomplishes the goal. 2 or 3 yrs later I get the comments like "I'm really glad I did those things". (not thanks for pushing me, mom). My difficult child isn't known for reflection so this must be fairly obvious.</p><p>My worst nightmare is living with my adult son as he constantly berates and criticizes me as he does <em>nothing</em>. I'll be taking care of him and he will be running the show. It's sick. </p><p>My husband and I are the healthy stable part of this family unit and difficult child isn't getting in between that. No way, no how. We spent years helping him and will continue to parent him but not at the price of the good things in our life. </p><p>You don't want to entwine yourself with difficult child in a weird twisted way. He is verbally and emotionally a bully to you and you are trying to make him see how much you want to please him. Where are the survival skills to keep you healthy and balanced?</p><p></p><p>I have to agree that your husband is right to be frustrated. You both took him back into your home under less than stellar conditions but you did. Now he can't be appreciative enough to get out of bed to get a driver's liscense.(which is strange to begin with) It's no wonder both you and husband are chasing your tails with him. </p><p>No criticism, I know I have chased my tail when dealing with difficult child many times over different situations. </p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 15722, member: 3"] Hi Rob, sorry things are slipping backwards. I keep thinking this whole parenting thing is a process between how we want it and how it actually is. My difficult child told me the other day that he didn't care for a group of young men because their parents never pushed them to do anything. He said that I pushed(I prefer the term nudged) him to learn to drive, to go away from home, to be held accountable. He thought the others were too dependent and seemed to want to live with their parents forever. They didn't see what the real world was like or offered them. This is like wisdom from the mouth of babes. He drags his feet over everything, fights me then accomplishes the goal. 2 or 3 yrs later I get the comments like "I'm really glad I did those things". (not thanks for pushing me, mom). My difficult child isn't known for reflection so this must be fairly obvious. My worst nightmare is living with my adult son as he constantly berates and criticizes me as he does [i]nothing[/i]. I'll be taking care of him and he will be running the show. It's sick. My husband and I are the healthy stable part of this family unit and difficult child isn't getting in between that. No way, no how. We spent years helping him and will continue to parent him but not at the price of the good things in our life. You don't want to entwine yourself with difficult child in a weird twisted way. He is verbally and emotionally a bully to you and you are trying to make him see how much you want to please him. Where are the survival skills to keep you healthy and balanced? I have to agree that your husband is right to be frustrated. You both took him back into your home under less than stellar conditions but you did. Now he can't be appreciative enough to get out of bed to get a driver's liscense.(which is strange to begin with) It's no wonder both you and husband are chasing your tails with him. No criticism, I know I have chased my tail when dealing with difficult child many times over different situations. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Well I'm back and being stupid still...again!!!!!!!
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