Well...I'm not shocked.

[Shari]

My good friend kept Wee while exMIL and I went to the attorney today. The meeting went well, will update in general.

When I went to pick up Wee, husband was there, also, and Wee went with him, so I spent an hour visiting with my friend. She asked about the situation with husband and the car, and I told her about him saying that he's sorry his family isn't up to my standards and that they aren't rich. She said, oh yeah, cause she's NEVER the one buying her adult children, you know, groceries, clothes, cell phones, etc...and laughed. Then she said "but on a serious note..."

Two Brooms has "chatted" with her at times in the past. She said Two Brooms made a comment to her in the past about my family's money. She said they just weren't rich like my family. They just didn't have the money to throw around like my family did. My friend asked for examples, but Two Brooms wouldn't give her any.

WTH? I guess its not a shock...I know what they think, anyway. But still, really? We're "rich"? I don't know by who's standards. I paid $600 for my first car. It was a 20 year old chevette. lol I paid most of my college expenses, and almost all of my clothes come from Goodwill. Really? We're "rich"?

And regardless...I still believe I am the one that does not believe in disposable cars! lol

 

[DammitJanet]

Shari...let me understand...are YOU rich or does your FAMILY have some upper middle class money? If its your Family, then its not YOU.

I am probably somewhat in the same situation. My mom and dad were born in the late 1920s. Obviously the Great Depression and that ensuing era taught that generation the value of working hard, saving for what you want, and those good old American dreams. My parents basically had that American Dream. My Dad served in WWII, came back home and went to college on the GI Bill, got his degree, got married to my mom, they had one child, bought a house, yada yada. We even had the white picket fence...lol.

Over the years, my dad stayed with the same company for probably 45 years or more. He moved up from an accounts receivable clerk to Vice President of Finance for a multi-state Corporation. (Yes I am proud of him) I was probably spoiled rotten...ok...yes i was spoiled rotten...lol.

My family wasnt rich but we were comfortable. I never knew anything about the money. Wasnt my business. I went to work at 16 just like everyone else I knew.

I fell hard when I left home. I went from never having to worry about rent or light bills or food to wondering if I was going to have a roof over my head the next month. I went from upper middle class America to poverty level. I was in for a shock. But I made it. No one ever tried to tell me that because my parents had money, I should have money. That never occurred to me. My Dad made his money. Not me.

Im willing to bet its the same in your family. Your family has money they made that has nothing to do with you or you would already have it. Now at some point in time, you may get some in the form of property or something just like I am pretty sure my dad has me taken care of in his will.

 

[susiestar]

One of my favorite AA sayings is that other people's opinions of me are none of my business.

You already know that Two Brooms is so far off her rocker that her brooms ran away from her. Very little she does ever makes sense, so her opinion of your family should be no different.

At least now you know she feels somewhat inferior to your family - that is what her statements really said.

 

[Hound dog]

I suppose it's going to depend on the person's definition of "having Money".

When I was very young (husband and I were first married) I used to think his family were rich. And by the standards in which I grew up.......they were to some extent, although more very upper middle class in truth. But mother in law came from a very well to do family and so did father in law.........he and his brother both attended West Point. I also used to believe my sister was overly well off and used to roll my eyes when she'd complain about money. I mean the woman had a new house every 3 yrs (new like in built for her) new furniture (whole house) every couple of years, new cars every year, and computers and tvs in every room of the house. Until she revealed that the only reason for it was that her husband spent money like water and maxed out their credit cards on a reg basis and they'd spend those 3 yrs it took to pay them off again eating next to nothing. lol

I've learned that those who appear to have money.........usually have the bills to go along with it. Evidently Two Brooms who isn't all there to begin with, has never figured that one out.

Does sound like she has a mega inferiority complex going on..............hmmmmm I wonder if this is where alot of your problems with her comes from. Interesting.

 

[Shari]

I'd bet my botoom dollar this is where a lot of it comes from. And honestly, I'm glad to know nd not just speculate.

Growing up, Janet, my dad was a full time farmer, my parents were full time farmers. Row crops and livestock. My mom went back to work when I started school to make ends meet. Unfortunately, I was aware of money at a fiarlyyoung age, cause we didn't have any. Mom going back to work afforded us some stability with a regular income. When I was 8-10, they bought an old pop-up camper and we took a vacation. When I was about 12, we took another one. And we camped some in there, and had an old boat we'd take out on weekends. But things fell apart in the drought during the 80's and that ended. My brother went thru 3 years of college eating every supper at a happy hour. For the price of one beer, he could have all you can eat wings or whatever the place served, and he scouted the town and knew the menu. Cause money was that tight.

My parents live in the farm house they bought 50 years ago. After all us kids left, they got rid of the turquoise and yellow shag carpet downstairs (its still on the stairs and all over the upstairs) and put down nice neutral shades. My dad got into restoring antique furniture he'd buy at auctions for a little bit of nothing, so most of the furniture is stuff he restored. Mom painted most of the panelled walls and the place looks nice now. Never mind the foundation is falling in and its just time till she will have to more (the house is huge. it is also ancient) But Two Brooms sat there for 3 days when my dad died, and took inventory. I wasn't the only one that felt that way. And for a year afterwards, she was almost giddy to go to mom's sale. She never asked how my mom was doing, or I. But every time we saw her for a year, she'd ask when the sale was.

My mom leases the farm out now, and makes a stable income from that. It is the first time in 55 years she's had enough money that she knows she will get by (she made WELL UNDER poverty level income at her job even when she retired). Farming was a gamble, you just never know what the year would bring. I don't believe I grew up poor, but I grew up knowing that our next meal impacted how much money was left to buy next year's seed, so the next meal might be white rice and milk...and that was ok.

The income she gets from the lease is STILL not upper middle class. No where near. Not even really middle middle class. But the farm is paid off now, and she can enjoy herself. Us kids don't want the money. We'd like the farm to stay in the family, but we've also told her if she wants to sell it, and travel the world, to go for it. She's earned the right. So far, that's not what she wants to do.

Two Brooms paid for husband, his sister, and his nephew to go to college. I can't tell you the last time my parents bought me clothes, but they buy them for husband and his sis and the kids all the time. husband and his sis spent literally EVERY weekend growing up at their lot at the lake. WIth a boat. Now the Brooms have 3 boats and a mobile home on a permanent lot at the lake. She co-signed for nephew to buy a convertible when he had no job, and she ended up paying for it. When he totalled it, and she got the insurance check, she gave it to him!

But yeah, my family is supposedly the ones tossing around money. In my goodwill clothes. I was just thinking the other day as I was trying to find somethign to wear to nephew's wedding, that my exBIL asked for a gift certificate to a clothing store one year for Christmas, and I thought I might like that, too. Looking around the store of new clothes was kinda fun, knowing I did have just a bit of money to spend to buy something.

I know Two Brooms paid for the rehearsal dinner. And most likely sister in law's mother's dress for nephew's wedding.

I still find it ironic that I am the one content to drive 20 year old cars in this picture, and am almost hell-bent on making sure they are cared for so we can keep driving them. I'm the one angry that husband won't manage things better because some day I want to buy a nicer home (this one is well over 120 years old, and not even insulated). husband plans to move to his folks' place when they die. My camper is 24 years old, but I fixed it up and keep it in good repair. Everything in it works. My truck is 16 years old. My son paid for his own truck and most of his own college. He buys his own clothes. Heck, its a rarity that I even buy his meals when we eat out. And SHE buys her 40 year old daughter GROCERIES! And pays her insurance and electric bill.

And MY family is throwing around money???? Where? Cause I'd like to get some.

 

[Shari]

Oh, and I might add...growing up, you helped people. When the neighbor girl was stricken with a brain tumor that they fought for 3 yearsthat killed her, her little brother lived with us. To my knowledge, they never gave us a dime, and that was just fine. When another neighbor was killed in an accident, the combines in the community were rallied and his crops came out first. Each farmer paid his own fuel to get it done, and that can be hundreds of dollars in those machines. They weren't hired. That's just what you did. When another family lost their farm during the drought, and the mom had a breakdown, their youngest son was a senior in high school and working for my dad. He just moved in for a period of time. Again, not a dime exchanged (and he'll tell ya I cook WAY too much macaroni! lol). He worked for dad to make his way through college. We didn't really have anything to speak of. But we shared what we had, cause sometimes it was a lot more than someone else. I hadn't even really ever thought that we coulda had more "money" if we hadn't done these other things, but no way would I consider that, even now.

And I can't imagine the Brooms putting out a dime for someone other than the golden grandchildren....

 

[trinityroyal]

Shari, I think this does give you valuable insight into the way Two Brooms thinks. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but at least it makes a bit of sense...

My husband's ex-W (known by my in-laws as TEO -- The Evil One) is like this as well. She is terminally envious of other people's things, and it seems to stem from a complete inability to be happy with her lot in life. She assumes that other people who are happy must have more and better stuff than she has. So she assumes that the stuff is expensive rather than properly taken care of. Because she believes that she can't possibly be happy unless she has lots of money and things, so if you're happy it must be because you have lots of money and things...

Twisted logic, but that's what comes of having a twisted brain...

Hugs,
Trinity

 

[HaoZi]

Makes you want to introduce her to some of those monks (Zen Buddists?) that are happier because they don't have all that stuff.

 

[trinityroyal]

Makes you want to introduce her to some of those monks (Zen Buddists?) that are happier because they don't have all that stuff.

She wouldn't get it...

 

[Mattsmom277]

Shari, it might sound cliche, but your family IS rich! For all intents and purposes. Your parents sound like they worked dang hard their entire lives, and although it was more like survival level, your description sounds like a family to be proud of with strong roots in hard work for the benefit of family and it seems they instilled a strong respect for independence and being there for others, in you. That sounds awful rich to me .

However, in terms of finances? Not so much!! It never ceases to amaze me that some people have so much yet feel they have so little. While others can make do with so little and appreciate every single thing (like having a reliable car, even if it's 16 years old). The part that always astounds me though, is people who feel entitled. I swear, people with entitlement issues or poor me syndrome, drive me up the dang wall.

Maybe it comes from struggling growing up and never knowing whether we'd too be on the rice/ milk diet (for us it was the Kraft Mac n Cheese diet, mixed with water- not milk lol). But I've learned to feel very blessed when I have confidence all my monthly bills can be paid and we can all eat and have a bank balance in the positives come next pay day. I may aspire to have more than that to feel secure, but I've also learned to know that with a positive bank balance on pay day, no matter how small, I'm wealthier and more secure than over 90% of the population of the world. And I consider that blessed, and anything more complete gravy.

I've also learned to never judge a persons financial position or wealth based on appearances. I too have learned that is rare the family who has a ton of money flying about that actually has the money to truly afford what they are spending. And in the few instances where someone really can afford the money they are tossing about, the only thought that comes to my mind is good for them, they've done something others aspire for and dream of and I hope they enjoy everything they work for. I just never have understood why on earth people spend their time counting other people's pennies (so to speak).

I enjoyed the stories of the families in your community growing up and the lending a hand aspect. I've heard a ton of stories like that from my mother and aunts about growing up in the small town they did. It was the same there. And most there were living far below poverty level but a family in need was always assisted without any need to ask for it, the neighbors simply DID it. There's something to be said for old fashioned values let me say. I think sometimes growing up struggling was a complete blessing.

 

[Mom2oddson]

I think it comes down to jealousy. Not over money but over the quality of character that your parents have. Your parents have respect from their children, they have love, they have riches that aren't tangible but are easy to recognize. The two brooms are jealous. It's something they will never have.

My in-laws are a lot like that. They have such a hatred towards my parents and think my parents are handing easy child & I tons of money. My Dad is turning 72 on Saturday and is still working because he still has a housepayment. But, anyone who has met my parents - love them! They have a lot of character, generous hearts, they accept people for the quality of who the person is and not for their position or bank account. My in-laws are the opposite and resent my parents because they can't have what my parents have.

so, it's simple jealousy and there is nothing you can do about it but let them make a fool of themselves.

 

[Shari]

I think it is helpful to have some idea where she's coming from. I had plenty of speculations before...now I have a clue. Will it change anything? Probably not. M2O you're probably right on...they are jealous. I know Two Brooms is incredibly insecure...I think she thinks her children still need to need her. She can't let them go, and in the process of clinging so tightly, pushes them all away. But she's been told so many times, and she just won't make any changes. I also know she buys a lot of the stuff she does for cgfg to "keep up with her other grandma". Which is LUDICROUS - unless, as you say, its all about money, and money = love, and she's trying to buy love...

The monks? OMG funny thought. She'd just glare down her nose at them, too. Should I also tell her I'm fairly closely related to Sister Maria Innocentia Hummel? ROFLMAO. Obviously, we all know who got her fortune, and it wasn't me! Maybe I'll put my ONE Hummel figurine on the table when we have Thanksgiving, then I can say, "oh that thing? Great Aunt Hummel gave me it. Kinda ugly, huh?" lol (just kidding. and I love the Hummels, but not enough to own any more than the very small one I was given as gift!)

And MM, you nailed it! I work in a profession where many people make 6 figure salaries. I don't. Maybe I never would have, maybe its because of the situation with Wee, but I am thankful for my job and what I do make. We live in an ancient house with no insulation, and I love my house. I love my land. I love the one pair of cowboy boots that I bought new when I graduated from college (and I still have and wear! the rest came from garage sales, ebay, and hand me downs) My family experience right now, with husband and the Brooms, is miserable compared to how I grew up, but money won't fix those problems.

My parents were far from perfect. My dad was sexist. It was how he was raised (mennonite). I was not the girlie daughter of his dreams. lol As an adult, he finally accepted that in me, and honestly I think he was finally proud of what I was capable of doing. When easy child 1 was born, and the circumstances surrounding that, well, um...yeah, they were pretty p-poor parents. lol But hey, we all screw up, and they did, and they admitted it later. But they were overall good parents, great grandparents, outstanding members of the community (they hold a festival in dad's name every year...must of done something ok). They loved easy child 1 with all their heart, and when difficult child 1 joined the picture, they drew no lines and loved him just the same (they really did...it amazed me) It all worked out in the end. I wouldn't change too much and I honestly feel blessed to have had them. I miss my dad (stubborn old goat...)

 

[shellyd67]

As a child we were quite poor but really never knew it. My parents made the very best of what we did have. I did not realize we were less fortunate until I was a tween and asked for Nike sneakers and was told that we couldn't afford them. Now that my parents are retired they are set up well. House is paid for, great pensions, and a nice savings. They deserve it ! Some of my parents siblings are quite jealous that they are doing well. I do not understand the green eyed monster sometimes .....