Well it appears that difficult child has done it again.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Jun 3, 2011.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    He lead me to believe that he was incarcerated awaiting trial on last years DUI, unauthorized used of a motor vehicle and assault charges after he didn't appear in court because his PD did not get in touch with him. I have however learned that although he is indeed still awaiting that trial, he was actually arrested for new charges of theft by deception, recieving stolen goods and conspiricy. They are all misdemeanors and his bail is set at $2000. He will be arraigned on June 10th in the courtroom of the judge who told him if he ever appeared in his court again he would be sent to the state penitentury. I still have not confirmed his story that his girlfriend is pregnant though it is probably true given difficult child refuses to use BC. She has not posted on FB in a little over a week. I am tempted to contact her and ask if a granchild is on the way but not sure if I really want to. hat do you thinK should I find out for sure?Her page is public I have not friended her. _RM
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry to read the latest. It's a terrible rollercoaster. If I were you I wouldn't pursue the question about the pregnancy. One thing is for sure, if it's true you'll hear about it eventually. Hugs. DDD
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It has to be hard to learn about the new charges and to realize that he is still lying to you. It is hard, but do not bail him out. Chances are, since he knows the judge has promised to be tough on him, he would run and you would lose the bail amount. You don't need that, nor to worry about him doing more illegal things on the streets. I would let him handle this round of charges and any future ones without any input from you except to let him know that you love him and are disappointed. Don't put money on his account, don't accept collect calls from him in jail/prison. Not right now at least. Letters would be good. Maybe on special occasions sending a package, but he has to handle this himself and learn that it is not where he wants to spend his life. so don't make it easier on him - let him have the full experience, for whatever it will do for him.

    As for the girlfriend being pregnant, what would you gain from knowing about it? Knowing won't add to your life unless the anxiety of not knowing for sure is causing real problems for you. The girl will want help at some point and will reach out, or he will. most likely for money. You have to decide what role you want to play and you may or may not have much choice. It depends on how she feels about your son, the baby and about grandparents. I would stay out of it, but understand that not knowing may be very hard on you.

    I hope you can stay detached from all of this. (((((hugs)))))
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have to agree with the others, on both counts. No bail.. and try to restrain yourself from asking about the alleged pregnancy.

    I'm so sorry about all this. I will never understand the lying, when the truth can so easily be found it. No logic.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry RM. On all counts. Im probably a softie but I might put money on his account from time to time if it is what you wish to do. I remember being so incredibly mad at Cory that I refused to have anything to do with him the last time he was in jail. Im told I didnt. I dont remember now. The meningitis wiped that time period out. When he was in prior to that, we did put money on his account. Not a lot but enough to at least give him little things.

    About the pregnancy, you need to do what you feel you should do. Do you want to know if he has a child out there? Would you like even a casual relationship with the child? I have no clue how this girl would react but most likely she would at least allow birthday and Xmas cards. Maybe keep you in the loop. You have to decide what you want.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you ladies. I would never post bail again for him. Not after the last fiasco where I had to have it revoked because he would not obey the rules set forth by court and I was hurt trying to reason with him. I will never again be responsible for him. I do not believe he is a flight risk but I also do not believe he can stay out of trouble knowing that he has prison time in the future. I'm hoping he will get "time served" on the new charges. The other ones... I figure about a year and another 4 in parole.

    I have not decided what I want as far as the baby goes. My concern is for it's health. It most likely will inherit difficult child's syndrom and need hernia and hydrocele repair, brain monitering for hydrocephaly, and multiple orthopediac operations to make the hands and feet functional and relatively normal looking. In addition there may be cognitive and other developmental concerns. This girl has no idea what a difficult situition she will be getting into by giving birth to this baby. She sees my son and thinks "well he isn't so bad. It will be OK." She doesn't know how many hours I spent taking him to doctors, sitting by him in the hospital, shleping him to therapy and how much was spent paying for counciling, tutors and private schools for his learning disabilities. She doesn't know that he cried all night long for the first three months or that he could not be left unsupervised even for a minute once he was mobile. She doesn't know that he messed his pants till he was 9 years old or was still sticking forks into eletrical outlets at age ten. She sees the results of all the care that went into keeping him alive and learning and that is it.

    I do not want to raise this child and I do not want my daughters to do it either. I know too well the commitment and toll it will take on their lives. That said I would like to plug the child into the system while still in utero. That would be in an effort to make sure that he has access to all surgeries and therapies he needs to be the best he can be. -RM
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm sorry difficult child is still being such a difficult child. sigh

    As for the maybe baby..........I'd wait until you have something more solid. It might be she's not even tested yet and is still in the suspecting the possibility stage of the game. IF it becomes a fact, then there will be more than enough worrying. No sense in going through it unless it's a fact. Hopefully it was just a scare and she was just a few days off.

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I'm not sure what to say about difficult child. The fact that he kept it hid? Wow - well that's about par.

    I get what you are saying about a baby - and as far as the two of them go, and the chance of a problematic child being born? Personally? I'd go to their house, sit them both down and lay out my thoughts like you just told us. I'm not one for wait and see (which is probably a better idea) however - when people start interfering in MY sleep and MY thoughts to the point that it's bothering me that much? I'm not spinning wheels anymore. I pretty much gather my thoughts and then tell them what I think. I'm not rude, I'm blunt - and as far as the two of them screwing around without protection, not your business - but when they think that GRANDMA is going to raise a baby while daddy is in prison - YOU JUST MADE IT my problem didn't you? Idiots. And if they come back with - well no we didn't - then I'd ask the genius Mom - Well who did you think is going to WATCH it while you work 2 full time jobs to pay rent and buy diapers? Dimwit. Or was her plan to suck off welfare the kids entire life and have it passed around from place to place with the disorder that your son had and wouldn't be able to go into a regular day care? - Yeah see? You know things they don't - so yeah - I'd probably level the playing field and say my peace. But that's me. I'm blunt - but when other people try to make their problems my problems I like to hand them back quickly as possible and get on with my own problem solving. I have plenty of my own.

  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Star, I do not know this girl and I do not know where she is living. MY difficult child had a room in a rooming house and she moved in but now that he is in prison, I am sure she can't afford it. She does talk to her mom and she does have friends that might have taken her in but I do not know. All I have is a name and her facebook page. For the record, I have told difficult child many times what his kid would most likely be up against should he have one. I have doubts that difficult child has passed all that that along to the girl. But maybe he has, their FB pages are all about them against the world. So you know the score there. Like I said I only have names to pass on to DSS. I do not know if that would be enough for them. That is why I thought about contacting girlfriend through Facebook. -RM
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, RM. What a mess...
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yes Witz it is indeed a mess. Thank you for your support. _RM