Well, now we know

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Apr 23, 2011.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Last weekend I posted about husband's niece whom we've never met getting married in October 100 miles from home and having sent us a "Save the Date" magnet. You probably remember that husband's mom called while he was out and I then sent a note to his sister saying that we would not be coming because we don't know her and it's too far but we would send a gift. Then came the message from husband's sister in law that we were awful people because family is very important to the oh-so-sweet 30 year old niece and fiance we've never met and the least we could do is try. Oh, please. We've given up trying with these people who never even have the good grace to RSVP to invites, and never include us in any of their family gatherings. husband wasn't interested, and I figured it was about them wanting a gift. It turns out I may have been wrong.

    husband's cat-smelly obsessive/compulsive mother called today to ask him if she could ride with us to the wedding. Apparently the niece who lived off of her for years and niece's mom and husband's brother are driving down before hand and staying in a hotel and "Dear old Mom" isn't invited to come with them. She says she will take Greyhound.

    They're all lucky that I was in the shower when she called, because I would have told "mom" that we would gladly pay for her hotel room and money for a few meals so that she can come and go with them. She would have been THRILLED and they wouldn't have been able to get out of it. I told husband that he needs to call them and make this offer to them. No wonder they're ticked we're not coming.

    How low can you be? They asked us to this wedding so that we would drive their mom thinking that we would drive out and back in a day. If this was so important to them why didn't they include us in the wedding planning so that we would have known what was wanted and we could have decided on the merits of what it was that was being asked of us? Or we could have made an offer that was acceptable to everyone. What about the other 46 couples they've invited? None of them can bring the Mother of the Bride? Then they have the nerve to act as though I was being a witch and tell me what a terrible and uncaring person I am. Oh, please! Don't even get me started!
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well THAT'S one for the books!

    You're invited as transportation for the "stinky" relative ?

  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Wow. I've heard some bizarre reasons to be invited somewhere, this is one for the books!
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Witz, I'm wondering - they seemed to get really righteously indignant with you (and you didn't know why). What if they got mad at your refusal, thinking you KNEW that you would be expected to bring the mother of the bride? Sometimes people like this can be very egocentric and expect you to be able to read their minds.

    We've had the opposite problem - mother in law was invited to various family weddings but was unable to go because she couldn't drive herself there, would have needed us to take her. But we were not invited. I offered to drive her to the weddings anyway, and sit and read a book in the car or go have a visit with family of mine in the area. But mother in law wouldn't hear of it - she insisted on boycotting the weddings in support of me and husband, even though we were not upset at being left out.

  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I understand your outrage! My brother in law and his wife live out of state and were married out of state. My in-laws hate to travel and kept telling the bride that they weren't going to be able to afford it (the airfare, hotel, etc). This was a very large and already expensive wedding: the father of the bride was a top national lung surgeon so this was very much a "who's who" event. I know my in-laws expected brother in law & wife to pick up the tab. We finally told brother in law that we would foot the bill and escort the in-laws just so he and wife could stop worrying about it, it was our gift to them. Wife later confided that it was truly appreciated because it took the pressure off them.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Marg, I like your mother in law's style. TM, that could very well be the case, but I suppose that like with most things once they've made a stink it will be very hard for them to back down. I don't know how we could possibly offer to pay mother in law's accommodation at this point without it seeming like a challenge to their chivalry. The first thing that husband said to me was "Don't you dare send them an email!" I told him I wouldn't, so I won't. I might talk to him about being more serious about paying for mother in law's stay at the wedding, but he's so closed off I don't know that I can actually expect him to act upon it.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ahhhh so now the cat is out of the bag.

    So? Did husband tell them you're going or not?

    I'd let them reap the rewards of what they've sown. Do as you planned and stay home. Let them figure out how to get Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) mother in law to the wedding. Not your problem.

    You know, when easy child got married we invited husband's brother and all his family although we expected non of them to show up. One thing it was on short notice.......and for another......well husband and his bro barely get along and at the time they were still at the not speaking unless forced by wives stage. easy child still invited them simply because it would be rude not to. It's wasn't an RSVP event. And no worries they didn't come. mother in law was unable to attend as she was unable to get around well by then. Nichole will invite them to her "real" wedding. In 2 wks it's the courthouse version.......real one will be after the baby is born so there is no worry about her fitting the wedding dress ect. This time it's not just to not be rude........but because we've grown closer and she really wants them there if they can make it. If not, still no worries. Only one in state is her cousin.......and money is tight for them.

    Isn't it grand how snarky family can be when there is a graduation, wedding, or new baby on the way? ugh
  8. Someone once told me that weddings and funerals bring out all of the family pathology. A little reflection led me to have a very small wedding.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    We eloped. ;-)
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'd say if husband doesn't want to do anything to help her go, let him do nothing. It's his mother after all. Unless the plan is to send her to overpower the scent of the flowers. Hmm....
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Good one, HauZi! husband did tell his mother "no" last night and she said she would "take the Greyhound. I suppose they still run to Seaside..." He didn't even think of throwing a wrench in the works and sending her on our dime! That was my knee-jerk reaction. We did talk seriously about it last night, and I'm sure the offer won't be made. One of our reasons for not going was that we couldn't afford an overnight stay for ourselves, including gas, gift, food, etc. I had planned from the outset to spend about $40 - $50 on a gift - much more than I would on some people, but even if we haven't met her we are family - and I'm not going to spend $150 so Granny can go. So that's the end of that.

    I'm not sure why the girl that lived in Granny's house with L all those month rent free can't take her. She must be used to the smell and general insanity by now. And they're such dear friends.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    So sorry, husband allergic to cats. Will be unable to attend, or drive Mother of the Bride as you well know she is an avid cat lover.

    pss. We're also even more highly allergic to BS so if you can't believe our first RSVP please feel free to believe this one.

    Sincerely - The Witz'


    Somehow have husband talk to his Mom and convince her that the ONLY people that can drive her there? Are THEM. HOW DARE.......they! Just turn the tables. I mean, you me, and the rest of the ENTIRE normal world KNOW the Mother of the Bride is ALWAYS escorted to weddings by the Brides Mother. Know what I mean??
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Wait... the mother of the bride is escorted by the bride's mother? *does the math* *does not compute*
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Yes it does...........just give them a while. lol

    sometimes even I know what I'm saying........hahahah (insert evil laugh) mwahahhahahahahahahahaha
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    ?/syntax error
    *tower starts smoking*
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMG. LOL!
    Best of luck.