Well, SA is home although this maybe this should be on another forum.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by DDD, Sep 22, 2012.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    difficult child#1 ( previously known as easy child/difficult child) is living with a difficult child who has some strong points. Of course being a difficult child there are some unacceptable bad points. I'm "really trying" to accept that this young woman is aok and I totally KNOW she wants to spend her life with difficult child#1. It's hard for me because we have been blessed to have upper middle class mores and she is "country" etc.

    Recently there was a wedding invitation where an old friend of difficult child#1's who is marrying a hispanic girl who is much loved by her family. The invitation was issued originally to me and difficult child#1. The groom (a former difficult child, lol) loves me because I baked him a pie for his eighteenth birthday and had difficult child#1 deliver it to him. Nobody in his family acknowledged his birthday...just me.

    Anyway the "invite" came addressed to me and difficult child #1. As you guys know I am not at 100% and really don't want to do anything that I don't thave to do. SO, difficult child#1 "accepted" the invite to the wedding and receiption for him and his girlfriend. This evening is the wedding/receiption and difficult child#1 won't wear "good" clothes because his girlfriend doesn't have any.

    I know this is strange and likely not "appropriate" but the reception is as close to "top drawer" as you can get in our community and easy child/difficult child or difficult child#1 is not wearing "appropriate" clothes because his girlfriend does not own more than one dress. It's bothering me that my kid is going to a wedding reception at the "top" place in our city and is not "dressing up" because his BiPolar (BP) girlfriend can't. I don't know whether I should be proud or conflicted. Life is weird. DDD
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why couldn't she wear the one dress that she does have?
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Isn't it awful that we have to suffer the embarassment for our difficult child's because they don't seem to have any. And what a shame that he is allowing her to change what he really would do in any other circumstance.

  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I would feel conflicted too. Feeling embarrassed that my kid would be in that kind of event dressed inappropriately, feeling sad that he is 'bringing himself down' and feeling intensely proud that he is thinking of feelings of his loved one and trying to make her feel less awkward. Because I happen to exists in the capital of casual and downtoearth, I would probably end up mostly feeling the last.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Well, sounds like difficult child 1 has come up with what he feels is a logical solution.

    Why not propose another logical solution? Why not have difficult child 1 take girlfriend shopping for a new dress? Goodwill and other thrift stores sell really nice clothes for just a few dollars. girlfriend should be able to come up with something really nice to wear for under $10...
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Well this is the update. They went and his girlfriend wore her one dress and he wore a collared tee, dress pants and did come pick up his black dress shoes before picking girlfriend up from work. It could have been worse, lol. Although I genuinely am proud of his caring heart...truth be told, my "roots" were hollering GET DRESSED UP. You know raising difficult child's really does alter your perception of what constitutes a good life.

    His girlfriend is rough around the edges :) and maybe below the edges a bit too. Today she told me "it was ok but I don't like fancy stuff". Ten minutes before difficult child#1 told me "Mama the wedding was beautiful and reception was delightful." He described that the stretch Hummer, the fresh flowers, the various old friends that he saw, the choice of DJ, etc. etc. Then he added "I looked ok because there (then he laughed) some low life's there."

    OMG...I kept a straight face talking with girlfriend...she commented "Can you believe that they had the salads and ice water already on the tables before people even sat down?!" Oh, yeah, got to share one more (sure hope God is not sitting in judgement of me today for being inappropriate, lol) girlfriend said "My prime rib wasn't medium and guess what they put some kind of porta mushrooms on top..yuk!" difficult child#1 piped up and said there was a portabella gravy, Mama, and guess what else?? They had big tomatoes scooped out and filled with peppers etc. in a spicy sauce. It was great!" girlfriend said seriously "I didn't eat that stuff."

    Serenity Prayer time. I have to remember to say a prayer of thanksgiving. difficult child#1 rarely drinks at all. He has one or two socially every few weeks. I am grateful. He is faithful to girlfriend who was "fixed" after her last child was born. She makes him laugh. She thinks GFGmom is nuts and accepts that he and I are tight as ticks. Could be worse. DDD
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I just love your difficult child - mostly because of the way he talks to you and how much he loves you. He's very unpretentious and seems grateful by nature. I would be hard pressed to find anybody worthy of him!
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    LOL, I hope I'm not painting him as an angel. on the other hand, we truly enjoy our time together and he totally is vocal and upfront that he loves his Mama! Thanks for the nice words. DDD
  9. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    My best friend went to a VERY fancy wedding yesterday. Invitations clearly stated no children at the ceremony. She said people ignored that. You couldn't hear the vows because of someone's child crying.

    So....I figure that what he is wearing may be the least of the happy couple's concerns.

    But...my vote is for PROUD.
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow prime rib for a wedding, now that's fancy. Aww DDD your difficult child does sound like he really loves you. Glad he got a little dressed up and you are right, girlfriend could be worse. Thanks for sharing the wedding with us, I enjoy hearing about social events. I remember my mother in law use to ask us all about an event we would go to, where was it, what did we have to eat, what did everyone wear, etc., etc.

  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I was about to make that same suggestion. I love shopping at Goodwill...
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Your post made me smile, Nancy. One of my parenting habits was to tell the children starting when they were toddlers "I can hardly wait to hear ALL about the birthday party (or ?? fill in the blank ?? your scout meeting). Then when we were sitting alone I would say "Start from the very beginning...what happened when you walked in the door.." etc. All the children even GFGmom loved to share details. difficult child#1 is a talker, like his Mama, and has shared fun interesting stuff. Don't know if you remember but during the drug/alcohol years he still told me who was at the party etc. Heck he even told me the names of the policemen who came to the scene. This kid (now man) is a hot mess!

    by the way, today he pulled up pictures from FB so I could "see" what I missed and who was wearing what. Phew! No pictures of the two of them. :) DDD
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, at least he had an invitation. Mandy's brother got married two weeks ago and he sent out invitations to people and she didnt get one. I think this was not an oversight...lol. He is a police officer and his fellow officers were there. She found out when it was and she crashed the wedding with the baby in tow. She was furious he didnt invite her!

    Then she comes to our house the next day and starts pouting at Cory about why they should get married now and when he said he just doesnt feel like it and he is perfectly happy just living together and points out that he knows plenty of people who live together for years (insert him glancing at his father and me) that are fine and dandy but other people who end up getting married and they fight and divorce within a year or two. He told her he simply doesnt need a piece of paper to tell her how he feels. LOL. I dont think those two should get married. I dont think she will be around that long and it will just make things more difficult.