Well, that didn't last long

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by flutterby, Jun 18, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    5 days.

    He only honeymooned for 2 days this time. I started to become suspicious that he was storing drugs here, and I told him this morning that we had to talk about expectations.

    But, the more I thought about it the more angry I got. I guess I knew he was using me, but I felt like I had to give him a chance. I don't know why I felt that way. I can't figure it out.

    Anyway, yesterday he went to the doctor and complained of a cough (true) and shortness of breath (not so true). The doctor gave him some medications including an inhaler. I noticed yesterday afternoon that all of his medications were in one place, but the inhaler was gone. So, I asked his younger brother if you could huff an inhaler and get high. He said he didn't know, but you do something with it and you can use it as a bong.

    When I got home, difficult child 2 wasn't here and I went through his stuff. Took me 2 minutes to find the pot and rolling papers. I called him and told he was out. He asked why and I told him he has drugs in my house. I mean, the rules couldn't have been any more simple. He said - this kills me - "That's not drugs; it's stems and seeds."


    It's still marijuana and it was still in my house - hidden inside a sock in a bookbag.

    He said he isn't anywhere near here and I told him, not my problem. He said to put his stuff outside.

    Ok. But, a storm is coming. Not my problem.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. I know you care for him. Right now all he cares about is the drugs. I hope he can hit bottom soon and turn things around. I hope this did not add too much stress on you. Things have been rough for a long time for you. It is important that you put yourself first until you regain at least some of your health.

    Many hugs,

  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Man. I'm sorry this turned out to be another disappointment. I guess it's better than you found out sooner rather than later, though. Hugs.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You can turn an inhaler into a bong?

    They do the strangest things these days!
  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I was annoyed and angry, but not upset. I wasn't surprised. In a twisted way, I was relieved - I really wasn't up to dealing with him anymore. I know that sounds horrible, but he's going to do what he's going to do anyway and I'd rather not live with the stress while he's doing it.

    I had really hoped that he was serious about wanting to make a change, but after 2 days it was evident he was not.

    He used my car without permission - he doesn't have a license - and about ran it out of gas. Plus, I'm having some problems with my car now that I wasn't having before. He was doing drugs. I'm missing 2 klonopin. I thought I had hidden them really well. Guess not. I haven't even gotten around to checking everything else. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. He would say he's going to do something and he couldn't follow through for even 5 minutes.

    He's a user and he's going to end up homeless or in prison - or both. Right now, I don't care that he has an MI, because he spends half the time denying it and the other half using it to manipulate.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Whatever happened to a used toilet paper roll and some tin foil? We're so old!

    Sorry, Heather... I know it hurts, but I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns. You might mention to him that he might not have a sore throat if he weren't smoking dope.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Heather. I know you were hoping for a different outcome. Hugs.
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    It is what it is. He'll bounce around from place to place, staying until he's used them up and they've had enough.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know you were already stretched to the breaking point and still you gave him a chance. That is so much more than he is doing for himself. You are right, he is not willing to change for even 5 minutes. Hopefully someday he will hit bottom and turn things around. Until that time he is lost.

    Next time you are down on yourself think back to this. You knew it was a bad time for you but you still opened up your home to him and tried to help. You are not here to have sunshine blown up your tailpipe, but you are a pretty awesome parent and a pretty incredible person. When you deal with chronic health problems it is easy to not see your good points, to focus on the bad stuff. Add a difficult child to it, esp one determined to blame you for everything, and it becomes hard to remember you even HAVE good points.

    So when you are down, please think back to this time. To how you gave up part of your chance for respite while difficult child was away so that you could give this child of your heart a chance when he was so in need. Even if you don't easily see it, you are a pretty awesome mom and friend and woman.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Thank you, Susie.

    difficult child is at difficult child 2's mom's house and not coping well - so much for respite - and difficult child 2 came home (his mom's) while I was there. Cocky as all get out and when his mom asked him if he was going to say hello, he said no and stomped into the house. He did come out later with his tail tucked between his legs because he had stuff in my car he needed to get.

    Apparently, he's in full panic mode because he doesn't want to stay at his mom's, but he's out of other options. And he still doesn't get that he broke the rules - almost every one, including the biggest: no drugs, especially in my house. He kept insisting to his mom that "it was just stems and seeds", and his mom kept telling him that it is still marijuana and he could still be charged with possession. He doesn't - or won't - get it.


    And now his father is saying he's going to "get extended guardianship". Pfft. Good luck with that. The guy is an idiot. A couple of weeks ago, he told difficult child 2 that he was a "guest in his home" and let him leave, but now that difficult child 2 is going to be 18 in one day he's...whatever. The same guy who went on vacation across the country for 2 weeks when difficult child 2 was 15 and left him home alone with no money and no food. difficult child 2 showed up at my work so I could take him to his mom's. And this was during the school year.

    No wonder the kid is so screwed up.
  11. Bean

    Bean Member

    I understand. Maybe in some way you knew it was going to happen, but you had to let it happen to get where you are. It's one thing to say, You can't stay with me because I'm worried you'll bring drugs in my house, and another to say, You can't stay with me because you actually brought drugs into my house. My daughter has been denied a chance to move back in because she could never live up to the parameters that we set. Recently, she came back. Lo and behold, she still can't live up to the rules and expectations of our house. I think my husband and I both knew that - but we had to experience it again to be sure. And... we're sure!!! ;)
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    toilet paper rolls and tin foil are just too old school for this new generation. They dont do anything old school ya know? LOL.