Well That Didn't Take Long

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Sep 18, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    A week. LOL That's how long Nichole has been out on her own and in her apartment with boyfriend.

    First enormous blow out was this morning. I heard about it via easy child, who knew because Nichole called sister in law and asked for him to please come make boyfriend leave the apartment because he refused to go one his own.

    sister in law is learning. :) He told Nichole he couldn't do that unless boyfriend was hurting her. AND he told her that she'd better tell him IF boyfriend ever hurts her cuz he'll be there in under a minute to teach boyfriend a rather *cough* physical lesson on how to treat someone you're supposed to "love". And since she is less than 3 mins from their house........ LOL

    AND he told her if boyfriend laid a finger on her she needed to call the police before calling him. While hinting that if nothing else it would prevent sister in law from killing boyfriend.

    Then sister in law and easy child sat and stewed because while evidently it was bad, Nichole wouldn't say whether or not boyfriend was being physical. So I'd called easy child to check on when we're going up to see Travis today (yesterday got cancelled) and that's how I found out. They weren't sure if the situation warrented letting me know.

    While I was on the phone with easy child Nichole called her and told her they'd resolved the issue "sort of". Then asked easy child to go the the renaissance festival this weekend. She hadn't told easy child what the blow out was over, but when easy child told me that I knew instantly. :mad:

    Nichole is making just barely enough money to afford to live in that apartment. She is paying all the bills. boyfriend has been riding her since long before the actual move in about how they were gonna end up homeless in less than 3 months because she doesn't make enough money. While rubbing it in that we supposedly kicked her out of the house. The latter isn't true, it was just time for her to grow up and go out and live her life. But while doing all this moaning and groaning about money.........boyfriend hasn't contributed squat of his unemployment checks except what is required by child support, which is basically nothing. Ninety five percent of their furnishings were supplied by Nichole via mother in law and other family contributions. When Nichole bought necessities like a trash can, dish drainer, bucket, broom ect he had a cow over it........

    Yet every time I'm near him..........which is much more often of late than I like..........I hear him telling her he wants to go bowling, eat here or there, or do this or that and of course none of it is cheap or in their budget. When she reminds him of that, he goes off on her.:mad:

    Spoiled brat.

    And I hear via the small town grapevine that boyfriend's Dad (whom I happen to respect and like alot) when into Subway (which easy child's mother in law owns and boyfriend used to work at) to get supper the day after the kids moved out. He asked easy child's mother in law if she had a position open for boyfriend. The mother in law said not at the moment but why? And boyfriend's DAd told her when boyfriend realizes that they have no money for his spoiled habits, the boy was gonna need a job. :rofl:

    Unless Nichole let's me in on this one, I'm not letting on I know. easy child still doesn't know I know about the sister in law / Nichole incident since there was no reason for me to get involved. The mess was straightened out between them just fine.

    Poor Nichole. Makes my heart hurt.:( Darn it to hades the girl is working her fanny off trying her utter best......She had to do everything to get moved in from setting up with the landlord, setting up the utilities, and setting up sister in law to help them move.......even though boyfriend was supposed to do most of it. He won't help her with the house, he won't do anything to help dicipline Aubrey (who is turning into a difficult child fast because of it), has hee hawed over getting the day care set up cuz there is no one to watch Aubrey once my school starts (he was supposed to have had that done weeks ago), made sure once again his classes conflict with Nichole's work hours so she's in a lurch for a sitter at least 3 days a week...........that one easy child and sister in law covered for her, plus although today was the only fight they've had.......he's been sleeping on the couch since day 1, he won't sleep in the bed with her.

    She is so having her Happily Ever After bubble busted big time. I was packing the remaining things in her room the other day and came across her diary. Read her last entry and it spoke about how finally the dream she'd had since she was 16 of the 3 of them living together as a real family was coming true........ And so yeah. Bad enough she's dealing with boyfriend really not wanting to be with her, but now she's having that little girl dream (and we all do it to some extent) shattered on top of it. That's a loo loo all by itself.

    I know via sources that it got slipped to boyfriend's parents the kids were planning on moving out on their own. boyfriend had refused to tell his parents up until then he was planning on moving out with Nichole with the excuse to her that his Mom would freak. (hmmmmm didn't he use this excuse when she was preggers?) Sooooooooooo, Mom and Dad found out......and ran with it!!! LMAO They were all but pushing the boy out the door.......and made it clear he's not welcome back.

    I find that very funny.........except that may make Nichole's problems with him worse. I never expected him to follow thru with the move. I don't think he ever planned to. And in fact they have a major blow out the day before.....just as I'd expected. So I was a bit suspicious when he did actually move with her, Seems his parents prevented him from being able to back out at the last minute.

    Everything has landed on Nichole's shoulders. So far she's holding up fairly well, but I am worried. I had hoped realizing that she can work, rent and apartment and pay her bills without boyfriend's help would help her have the confidence to throw off some of the control he has over her. I'm not seeing it yet. He still makes all the demands, he still runs the show......and she still gives in.

    Only good thing I see is that is is majorly chafting under the bit. It's sticking in her craw that she's doing all the work and supporting them but boyfriend thinks he gets to call all the shots and do nothing.

    easy child and sister in law are worried about her. I'm worried about her. We all fear now that there are no parents near to monitor them that boyfriend is going to esculate the violence. We're giving her as much support as possible while having to leave it up to her.

    Do I regret my decision to give her a move out date? No. Nichole was ready. It was time. I tried to get her to be on her own a few months before letting boyfriend move in. His joining her was her idea. I could've waited years and it wind up the exact same way. Cuz as long as boyfriend can use her........he's not going anywhere.

    I hope since this couldn't be avoided that Nichole figures out fast that boyfriend isn't going to change, that her Happily Ever After doesn't exist because boyfriend doesn't care about her......he's just too wrapped up in himself. I have doubts he truly cares for Aubrey. He's given me plenty of reason to believe he's there for her only to impress his parents and stay in their good graces, especially his Dad......in order to inherit someday.

    I know this is something Nichole has to learn all by herself. Doesn't make it any less painful to watch. I just hope she learns fast.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh Lisa. This just sounds like a very bad situation.

    Can Nicole get Aubrey in Head Start for at least part of her Day Care problem? Keyana is in Head Start now. Its free.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    No Head Start for Aubrey. Dear Ol' Daddy is determined to sabootage her potty training and they won't take her unless she's going to the potty.

    I did tell Nichole that she needs to put her foot down that if boyfriend doesn't have the day care issue settled by next week HE is the one who gets to miss school to watch his daughter. No way is she to miss work and make their situation worse.

    easy child and sister in law are working together to cover the days day care won't take her and between the two of them the sitter is covered as long as boyfriend gets it's together with the day care center.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thought she was potty trained? Goodness. What on earth is he thinking? Hailie is now starting to potty train! Is he waiting for baby number two?
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Poor Nichole. It's hard enough starting out without dragging somebody's dead donkey behind you. Sending good thoughts that she finds the strength to stand up for herself against boyfriend very soon.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Honestly, I could scream just reading this post. You have my admiration that you haven't either (1) knocked boyfriend upside the head, or (2) knocked Nichole upside the head for not seeing what a complete $*%$& he is!

    Deep breaths........deep breaths........ahhhhhhh......

    I'm sorry, Lisa. Women do such stupid things in the name of love (myself included).

  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I had to LOL, Suz. I'd have already knocked Nichole upside her head if I'd have thought it would've done any good. :tongue: But this is a tough lesson she has to learn on her own.

    As for boyfriend......he's already been warned that if I get wind he's been physical with Nichole again I'm gonna get physical with him and it's won't be pretty. He'll learn fast Nichole is a marshmellow compared to her mother. I have a vicious and violent temper.:mad: And I take 'em down fast and hard. lol

    Which, come to think of it, may be why she didn't call here and called sister in law instead.

    But for the most part they keep their fighting out of my site these days, by my order. It's easier to stay detached from a distance.

    I have to laugh today though. boyfriend may have won his way about the festival. But Nichole has a guardian angel. It's pouring rain outside and only 60 degrees. They ain't going no where today. :rofl: That just save her at least 200 bucks! :D
  8. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    My first question is "Is boyfriend's name on the lease?" If so, that girl needs to take it off IMMEDIATELY! I had a place with a guy once and was also the one paying for everything. I was young and dumb and while I knew this wasn't someone I wanted to marry...I still stayed. He worked occasionally but never for long and his money went towards pot (for him) and food for the resulting munchies. The final straw for me was the last fight we had in which I was hit for the first and LAST time. I left and he took my name off the lease. Which kind of backfired on him since I was the one paying for everything. LOL

    Otherwise...fingers crossed that she will have her eyes opened by this experience. I know she wants the three of them to be a family but if he's not contributing and then complains about how broke they are...maybe she'll blow and tell him to get off his donkey and DO something about it.

    Oooh....here's a thought. I know she knows about us here on the board. Maybe you can casually slip things into conversations with her....Stang told a funny story about how her husband tried to do a home project (himself to save money for the FAMILY) while he was on vacation and bashed his thumb...(I'll make one up for you!)....Matt'smom's SO was so happy to get a job so he could contribute to the FAMILY, Star posted to someone's thread and related stories of her ex and you're proud of her for leaving him and making it on her own......stuff like that.

    Hugs. I know it's hard to stand back and not interfere but the girl has to learn. This may be what it takes for her to finally see.
  9. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, this may all work out by itself, given enough time. That factory job Nichole has doesn't exactly sound cushy. She's working very hard and I have a feeling that the longer she's working that job and providing for the both of them, the more she's going to resent seeing him just sitting there on his rear end complaining that she's not doing enough or not making enough money! Having a secure job and making decent money should give her confidence and let her see that she can make it on her own and that he is just a leech who is taking advantage of her. Maybe that will be the incentive she needs to finally kick his lazy butt to the curb!
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Donna I'm certainly hoping so!! :)

    Stang, the landlord requires them both to be on the lease because both will be living there. But landlord has known Nichole since she was a little girl.....and landlord know's who's paying the bills. :)

    Nichole got her car broken into this morning, ripped out the stereo system and stole all her cds. Person also broke into every car in the parking area. She filed a police report, reported it to the landlord (cuz she has a good idea who it was) and is going to get a big dog whether boyfriend likes it or not. She there alone at night alot, and like she said....she wants to know if someone is sneaking around outside.