Well, things can really change in a day!

[Jungleland]

Hi family,

The last 24 hours are kinda whirl wind for me so I will try to make sense here.

First off, our house that we were selling as a Short Sale (just short of a Foreclosure), which was supposed to close escrow last Friday, fell through. My realtor, who I thought was a very good friend, has not been returning my calls or emails for the last few days. We had no idea till husband got a message on his home phone stating "this is Mr so and so from You know what Real estate co, just wanting to make sure you know that the escrow fell through last Friday and we need you to come by and sign some papers to release you from our contract. I am hoping Said Friend/Realtor has already given you this info but we really need you to get these papers signed ASAP"

So, husband calls me, he is freaking out because our only option now is Foreclosure which we were really trying to avoid.

Top all that off to me still feeling guilty about not attending Aly's meeting today and then getting another call from husband that he was taking her to the ER because she had a "bad seizure". ER did an EEG and there were definetly some spiking again in the TL area. She was tired but ok so they let him take her home after a few hours. She has a follow up with psychiatrist next week and neurologist week after that.

In the meantime, actually earlier in the day, I get a note on my apartment door stating my rent check bounced! I knew I was close, but really thought it was covered. When I looked up my account, there were several OLD checks that people suddenly cashed in the last few days and I have a negative balance!! Since I was late with the rent last month, and they are under new management, I have till 5 today to come up with the rent plus late fees plus the bounced check fees.

If I cannot come up with it by 5 today, I will be evicted. So, I called up husband, this was inbetween his phone calls, and he suggested I just pack up as much as I can fit in my car, and of course my animals and move back here to one of the extra rooms. So easy child 1 came over, we packed important stuff, our clothes, animals and here I am today, back at husband's place. I cried on and off all 2 hours of the drive, but this morning feel a sense of peace. I do have the option to moving to my sister's place, she has a little apartment on her property and it is only about 2 miles from here. Jayme and I could live there, rent free except for utilities.

So much going on, I just need to sit here and breathe and get ready for the meeting this afternoon.

Then tomorrow we will rent a truck and go back and pick up the rest of our stuff.

I think we all need to get into counseling, especially husband and aly and I. There are major issues that need to be addressed and I think we need a non involved person to help us.

Sorry that all sounded so discombobulated, but kinda how my brain is functioning right now.

Good thoughts would be most welcomed about now!!

Vickie

 

[trinityroyal]

Wow Vickie, I don't know what to say.

I can imagine you're feeling discombobulated. I'm in awe that you're able to put it all together so coherently. I would be babbling in a corner about now.

Sending strength. And positive vibes. And good juju and anything else that will get you through this.

{{{hugs}}}

Trinity

 

[Jungleland]

Trinity,

I really think I would be sucking my thumb in the corner, probably banging my head against the wall, if not for a little thing called Xanax!! Usually, when things are bad I can take .05mg and that takes care of things. Called my doctor last night, she was actually on call YEAH! and she said take 1 mg and once I was settled for the night take another 1 mg, and if I am not planning on driving today, continue with 1 mg till things settle down a bit. Of course, she reminded me to get in to a therapist ASAP! That is what I am doing right now, trying to find one that takes our insurance.

Thanks for the good JuJu!!!!

Hugs,
Vickie

 

[Ephchap]

OMG, Vickie, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. That's a lot of stress all at once.

Sending mega hugs your way. Keep us posted.

Deb

 

[Marguerite]

It's not easy. I hope you can get some counselling set up for yourselves, when all this other crud is sorted.

It never rains but it pours, doesn't it?

Marg

 

[house of cards]

Sending good thoughts for all of you in this unbelievbly stressful time. This too will pass.

 

[jannie]

Sending some good thoughts...You are certainly going through so much right now....Take some deep calming breaths...

 

[klmno]

It sounds like fatea is requiring you to be an emotional yo-yo right now. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope this can turn into the best solution - you are very strong to adapt to all these changes so quickly. ((HUGS))

 

[Jungleland]

AND IT GETS WORSE!!!

OMG I am so sick of drama! Last night easy child 2 called and said that he would be needing a place to stay for a while. husband and I already were prepared for this sort of call as easy child 2 and his fiance have not been doing well for a long time. So, husband says just pack up and come on up. Then easy child 2 says, "Dad, it's not just me, it's all of us" I couldn't hear what was husband was hearing but his jaw literally dropped and he went pale! Freaked me out!!! I guess easy child 2 was living in this apartment with his fiance and her 4 yo son "illegally", it is a rent controlled, brand new complex with very strict rules. Of course husband being husband, he did not get any more details, like when or why fiance and her son couldn't live with HER mom, yada yada yada. They will be coming here this afternoon to "talk".

I went into immediate flip out mode because I really cannot stand his fiance or her son, sounds AWFUL but you'd have to know them to understand. I tried to calm down and asked husband is he was seriously thinking of allowing this situation to happen. Yes, there is enough room here, barely, but yikes! And he looked at ME like I was nuts and said of course he was thinking about it, he couldn't allow them to be homeless.

Well, we decided to talk about it later, after the girls went to sleep. I tried to remain very calm and just stated I was very concerned about this new situation and that I felt we are needing this time to work on OUR family's issues, to see if we can make it work out. I am very worried that this would not allow us the chance, it would be mostly chaos with little "R" here, he is such a destructive child, so mean spirited and he and Aly fight like crazy.

husband agrees mostly with what I am feeling but cannot imagine saying no. I told him, then don't, I will! I have absolutely no problem with my son moving back home but don't think I can stay here if he was going to allow "K" and "R" to be here.

husband did agree to marital counseling as well as family and individual, if the insurance will cover it.

Aly's meeting went very well yestday, I gave her copies of everything and the parent report. Sounds like a really awesome program that will, if she qualifies, help her with living skills, peer relationships, more counseling (which I hope means for the entire family). Can include, if approved, horse therapy, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers in the home, respite, and more that we will find out about if she qualifies.

Sorry this is so long and jumping around but I am very confused this morning. At times I feel husband are on the same page but alot of the time we are so not. He thinks it might be a good idea for me and Jayme to stay at my sister's place for a "transition period", work with a therapist and see if we can get closer on parenting, etc.

I am not sure which way to go so I want to take a few days to just sort of chill out here before any more changes are made.

Thanks for being here, life pretty much ***** right now!

 

[klmno]

GEEZ! Just when you find a way to deal with the first set of problems, here comes more. I hope you end up having as much good luck as you are bad luck- SOON. It sounds like husband is really coming around though and that sounds like it will work out. Good luck with your "family talk" today- I think I wouldn't commit to anything during that talk though- maybe have it agreed between you and husband ahead of time to get everything out on the table during this talk, but not commit or make final decisions until you two have a chance to mull it over and discuss it. You have enough on your plate already-

 

[WhymeMom?]

If sister is open to your staying with her, I think that is what I would do. Too much going on to really concentrate on all the issues you both need to work on.
If your easy child and fiance move in during this time it could mean they would be there awhile......don't think I would encourage that.......

 

[trinityroyal]

Oh Vickie. WAY too much to deal with all at once. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.

I agree with WMM. If you have the option of taking Jayme and staying with your sister, then I would do that.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Trinity

 

[timer lady]

Vickie,

You AND husband, heck your entire family, home life have been splintered for a long time now. I recognize it - husband & I went through similar (not the same) but similar circumstances almost 2 years ago when kt went into Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That was the final straw for husband & myself.

I was exhausted & traveling a great deal as my mother was terminally ill. husband was holding the fort down here - going between Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for kt & group home for wm. When I was home it was work, appts, every type of you can imagine for one tweedle or the next - then husband fell apart & started drinking heavily.

I had no where to go - no one to turn to..... it was too much. In the end, I told husband he had to choose between alcohol & family. Well, he chose family & I took him to be admitted for detox & rehab. He was angry & I walked away from the hospital in relief having no idea what happened next.

What happened next was that I kenneled Sally, called Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & group home & told them I was leaving town for a few days, took 4 days of vacation from work & left town. I went to visit my mother, sisters & SILs - just needed other mothers to lean on...just for a bit.

I had never had a better, more mind clearing time. The six of us golfed (my mom was still well enough to do that), ate desserts, drank wine & talked. Not just about my situation but about how my beloved mom & sisters dealt with overwhelming family circumstances. For the life of me I can't remember much of what had been said - what I remember is that time of healing. That time of being together & being there for each other. I garnered strength from these women, a calmness & wisdom.

The one thing I remember as I left for home is that the headstone of my immediate family had been cracked-splintered. By mental illness, stress, addiction, isolation.... husband & I had lost our way. We didn't know each other anymore as we were buried in guilt over what we couldn't do for our children. It was never enough. The feelings of failure had taken me to my knees.

Having said that, my long drive home included ideas. Whether they would be accepted or not was really the deciding factor for me. By the time I got home husband had been discharged from the hospital to rehab. He had agreed to the entire program knowing how much was on the line.

husband & I spent the next 9 months in counseling. (We still go on an occasional basis.) husband & I had agreed that if our little family was going to survive we had to be a strong couple & we needed to take the time now, while kt & wm were safe & being cared for in their little worlds. In the end & after many many painful yet enlightening sessions husband & I had completed marriage counseling & felt stronger as a couple than we ever have.

While in those sessions we worked out our family dynamics. We knew the dynamics before the critical summer of 2006 would no longer do. husband & I set that plan in motion.

If you've read this far (sorry) you'll know that while we still stumble, husband & I have a far healthier relationship. Our marriage comes first - it has to if our children are going to have a whole healthy family.

During my recent illness, I've heard more times from the tweedles team members not to worry - to take care of me. If I'm not healthy the tweedles won't have the mom they need so sorely.

You see where I'm going - I know you do. This was time for you & husband. While your son coming home for a bit might be acceptable, the entire family is too much. You, husband - everyone is too fragile to bring in "outsiders" into this situation. It's not being selfish. It's being self caring.

 

[Lothlorien]

Yes, I agree with you on not letting easy child's fiance and child there, especially with the fragile state that Aly is in, regularly.

Perhaps this is good that you are back in the house and going for counseling. Do you think that you might be able to manage to get out of foreclosure if the both of you are in the house, right now?

Sending good thoughts and hugs. I really hope that you and husband can work things out. I'm glad that he's ready to attend counseling.

 

[Shari]

Gee, jungle, your name seems so....fitting....right now.

A friend once bought a horse and named it Buck. Then she couldn't get it broke to ride. It...well...bucked.... Maybe a name change?

Sorry, I'm tired and a little whacked out this morning.

I don't you about you and husband, but I usually work well with my husband under stress...maybe fate has a hand in this.

Regardless, its still no fun. Many, many hugs.

 

[Jungleland]

Thank you all who responded. This is the first time since last week that I have had net access.

Well, J and I did move to my sisters apartment. It seems to be working out a bit better. Still rather strained between husband and I, but I have had a little more time with Aly, we went for a long walk around the property, looking at the horses and just hanging out.

We seem to be doing better when it is just her and I and sometimes J, but not so well when husband enters the picture.

I went to a seminar with my sis last Thursday on "The Children of Rage: Beth Thomas' Story". OMGosh, I bawled my eyes out half the time. She shows a video of being interviewed when she was 6, then 8 then 10 and WOW! She is one amazing woman who had the "luck" to be able to heal after years of abuse and neglect and foster placements...There is a Lifetime movie about her story called "Child of Rage" and she said they had to down play how really awful her behavior was for the movie.

Anyways, there were so many moments that I was thinking "OMGosh, that is Aly" throughout the entire seminar. Even though we have had her in our family since birth, there is a major component of attachment issues with her.

husband and I talked, he agreed that he and I and the entire family need counseling, but more than that, he has agreed to looking into further treatment for Aly, finally! I can hardly believe it! I am praying so hard right now that we can find some sort of therapist with knowlege into attachment disordered kids as well as whatever else is going on with her. I would LOVE to find a place that could keep her long enough to remove her off of all medications, slowly and carefully, and let us see what is there under all those medications.

Anyways, just an update of the Jungle in which I live!

Hugs,
Vickie