Well, we kicked him out

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by AppleCori, Nov 1, 2013.

  1. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    after six weeks of h*ll.

    The funny smell in the room he was occupying just wouldn't go away.

    Strange things kept coming up missing: pens (yeah, the kind you write with) the big lighter we use to light the outdoor grill, safety pins, my very small screw driver I keep in the kitchen, and other things.

    His 'pipe' fell out of his coat pocket when his dad dropped him off for his new job's orientation and was sitting on the passenger seat of his dad's car. Dad didn't notice till after work, and it was sitting in plain sight, with residue on it.

    Found evidence of drug use multiple times, he always denied it.

    Dad had talk with him several times, mom tried to get him to go into rehab, dad and I had talk after finding 'spice' and he agreed to go to counseling, more evidence found, another talk, etc.

    Finally we decided to clean out the room and remove everything except a bed and his clothing. We found his 'stash' then and all kinds of evidence of his using right there in the room (the source of the smell). Dad, mom and I all confronted him together and tried to get him into in-patient rehab. Wouldn't go but said he would quit, continue counseling and mom agreed to have him at her house 3 days per week. He would have no cash.

    Well, the NEXT DAY the smell was back (yesterday)! We went into the room and found more evidence of him using.

    His mom didn't believe it but we showed her the evidence and she agreed that it was drug use, but he still denied it, and was mad AT US! (all interactions with his mom start out like this: she makes excuses, denies reality, accuses us of jumping to conclusions or making up things, then wants us to be more 'compassionate' and 'understanding' with him)

    Not sure whats going to happen. I think he spent the night at his mom's and she was going to try to convince him to go into in-patient rehab.

    I feel terrible but at the same time SO RELIEVED!

    There has been some kind of drama every day! I am so glad he is gone from the house.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh! Sad for you and relieved for you at the same time.

    (Moms of difficult children understand!)
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending support your way. Although I have not personally been in those exact shoes I believe others who have would suggest tht you make sure your home is "secure" as in desperation difficult children often break in to their former homes to get objects. Fingers crossed that he sees the light but it doesn't sound like he is ready yet. Hugs DDD
  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    That the family knows, that you have proof of what the problem is, puts you in a good, strong position relative to difficult child and what needs to happen next. As hard as things seem right now, you know what you are dealing with. That is a huge plus for all of you ~ including difficult child.

    Will your stepson agree to treatment?

    He is still young enough to recover his life.

  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this. And, I completely understand the feeling of relief too! Keep your house safe and make sure you take care of YOU now, be kind to yourself, you've had a long ride on the difficult child train and it's exhausting..........sending wishes for peace.
  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I am glad you did what was best for your family!
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    We had the pens missing and an odd metallic smell in his room and on his clothes when difficult child was living here and using heavily. I thought I was going crazy, because I was the only one who smelled it. I was finding lighters and the inside of pens everywhere, and husband was a lot like difficult child's mom at the time. I wouldn't go back to those days for all the money in the world.
  8. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    We were always finding the insides of pens everywhere when difficult child son was a teen. What do they do with the insides of pens?

    Boy, there were so many things we missed.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I assume they use the actual plastic part of the pen to snort things. Its the only answer I can think of. I seriously doubt our difficult child's are rolling up $100 bills to use to snort with! I could be wrong though.

    I have a lot of experience with "regular" drug use but never needed anything to snort anything. Now if you were finding him spending a lot of time in the plumbing section of your local hardware store, I could explain that one!

    You know what I find funny though in this whole conversation about odd smells coming from rooms? You all describe a metallic smell and thats what I kept smelling when Buck was here but both he and Tony told me I was insane and wasnt smelling anything but dirty laundry!
  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    That makes sense, Janet. About using the outside of the pen to snort something.

  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I saw on a few episodes of intervention where they used the outside of a pen to smoke pills and black tar heroin off of aluminum foil. I am thinking smoking pills could very well smell like that...?
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The pens taken apart are either for snorting or for inhaling smoke if they are directly involved in the drug use. it also could be a side effect of meth use as tweakers often take apart things to "fix" them while they are high.

    Janet, of course they tried to tell you that you are crazy for thinking the smell was there. Buck would have lost his cushy situation if you could prove drug use and Tony HAD to keep believing that Buck was not doing anything 'bad' or that he was able to work but refusing. If Tony believed either of those things, then he would have to admit that he was wrong. Something in Tony was unable to accept that this man that he sees as a brother would do those things to him. It was easier for Tony to believe that you were wrong about Buck and just a mentally ill witch who was out to get him. Buck is extremely good at manipulating while convincing people he isn't smart enough to manipulate, and Tony was trained since he met Buck decades ago to believe this. It would have rocked the foundations of Tony's world, in his mind, if he believed that you were right about Buck. it also would mean that he allowed Buck to put his family, most esp his beloved granddau's, in danger if he believed Buck was using in the house. So he grabbed the blinders over his eyes and he clung to them as tight as he could.

    Sense of smell is a strange thing. there are people who cannot smell at all, or cannot smell certain things. As you age, your sense of smell can change or become far less sensitive. I would not be surprised if Tony had lost some of his sense of smell due to either age or his stroke some years back. I know several people who lost some or all of their sense of smell after they had strokes. One lady was a Cordon Bleu trained chef and she lost her restaurant due to refusing to admit her sense of smell was mostly gone. Tony might not be able to smell what you did, and Buck? Wouldn't tell the truth about it if he did smell that smell. He might not be able to smell, but he would wallow in that smell if he knew it was there. That would be just one more way to really upset you and to drive a wedge between you and Tony, so he would not EVER admit it.