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Substance Abuse
Went and did it to myself this time....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 32513" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Your son is 17 and you are allowing him to drive a car to hang out with drug buddies to drink and smoke pot? <strong>Allowing? Can't stop it, since he'll lie and do it anyway (or worse) if we crank up the rules too fast.</strong></p><p></p><p>He left his car at his buddies house and came home? <strong>Yes, and that's a giant step forward. On a number scale, moving from -10 to -5 is still a +5 change, and I'll take it.</strong></p><p></p><p>Wasn't he drinking and smoking with his buddies? <strong> Pot, yes. Booze? no. Nothing different from the last 3 years, other than he doesn't get high as much anymore.</strong></p><p></p><p>If you are trying to get him to change it will never happen as long as you overlook the underage drinking and illegal use of drugs. <strong>See response below</strong></p><p>...</p><p>They want restrictions, they act like they don't, but they need them to feel secure. <strong>Working on that, and seeing some progress - see below </strong></p><p></p><p>Think of the mixed message you are sending <strong>Disagree with you there - it's the difference between sending <em>no</em> signals last year, to sending signals that he's willing to at least try and accept</strong></p><p></p><p> </div></div></p><p></p><p>I understand and agree, hearthope. I hear what you're saying. First, though, easy child girlfriend (doesn't do anything, drugs or booze) drove him home. And at least now I know where he is. That's a far cry from just a year ago. Perfect? Not at all. Better, you betcha, and hopefully it will continue to get better.</p><p></p><p>The reality is that difficult child is 17, nearly 18, and secretly lived that life for over 2 years before voluntarily telling us last year. Unless I'm ready to kick him out or have him committed, I can't "stop" him from doing what he's done for 3 years now. And we <strong>are </strong>making progress - lots in some areas, less in others, and holding our own in a few more.</p><p></p><p>I don't condone drug use, I don't encourage it, I don't tolerate drugs or drug use in my house, on my premesis, or around his siblings. Beyond that, I do my best. It's like underage sex or anything else: if you didn't "reach" them at a young enough age to help them never start, it's impossible to make them stop unless they want to stop. At this point I know I can't <u>make </u>him stop, so I'm trying to minimize the harm he can do to himself or others (including us).</p><p></p><p>It's a touchy situation, but I can't affort to lose the forward progress he's made by pushing too hard in some areas. Like DDD said in another post: I'm glad he's alive, and getting a little more "normal" every day. I continue to hope and pray that forward progress in some areas of his life will drag the other areas forward through sheer inertia, if nothing else. So at this point, we're not ready for the tough-love approach (that's not to say it won't happen, though, in the future). </p><p></p><p>Thank you very much for your reply, and the honest concern behind what you wrote. I appreciate it very much, and apologize if I seem a bit twitchy.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 32513, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Your son is 17 and you are allowing him to drive a car to hang out with drug buddies to drink and smoke pot? [b]Allowing? Can't stop it, since he'll lie and do it anyway (or worse) if we crank up the rules too fast.[/b] He left his car at his buddies house and came home? [b]Yes, and that's a giant step forward. On a number scale, moving from -10 to -5 is still a +5 change, and I'll take it.[/b] Wasn't he drinking and smoking with his buddies? [b] Pot, yes. Booze? no. Nothing different from the last 3 years, other than he doesn't get high as much anymore.[/b] If you are trying to get him to change it will never happen as long as you overlook the underage drinking and illegal use of drugs. [b]See response below[/b] ... They want restrictions, they act like they don't, but they need them to feel secure. [b]Working on that, and seeing some progress - see below [/b] Think of the mixed message you are sending [b]Disagree with you there - it's the difference between sending [i]no[/i] signals last year, to sending signals that he's willing to at least try and accept[/b] </div></div> I understand and agree, hearthope. I hear what you're saying. First, though, easy child girlfriend (doesn't do anything, drugs or booze) drove him home. And at least now I know where he is. That's a far cry from just a year ago. Perfect? Not at all. Better, you betcha, and hopefully it will continue to get better. The reality is that difficult child is 17, nearly 18, and secretly lived that life for over 2 years before voluntarily telling us last year. Unless I'm ready to kick him out or have him committed, I can't "stop" him from doing what he's done for 3 years now. And we [b]are [/b]making progress - lots in some areas, less in others, and holding our own in a few more. I don't condone drug use, I don't encourage it, I don't tolerate drugs or drug use in my house, on my premesis, or around his siblings. Beyond that, I do my best. It's like underage sex or anything else: if you didn't "reach" them at a young enough age to help them never start, it's impossible to make them stop unless they want to stop. At this point I know I can't <u>make </u>him stop, so I'm trying to minimize the harm he can do to himself or others (including us). It's a touchy situation, but I can't affort to lose the forward progress he's made by pushing too hard in some areas. Like DDD said in another post: I'm glad he's alive, and getting a little more "normal" every day. I continue to hope and pray that forward progress in some areas of his life will drag the other areas forward through sheer inertia, if nothing else. So at this point, we're not ready for the tough-love approach (that's not to say it won't happen, though, in the future). Thank you very much for your reply, and the honest concern behind what you wrote. I appreciate it very much, and apologize if I seem a bit twitchy. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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Went and did it to myself this time....
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