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Substance Abuse
Went and did it to myself this time....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 32538" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">YOU have the right to say what you will or will not allow in your home. You can make the drug-use a "deal-breaker". You can drug-test him at home and set serious consequences for him if he tests dirty. It's not easy but you have to take a stand. Right now, he's holding all the cards and he knows it! </div></div></p><p></p><p>Donna, I agree with you. He does get drug tested, and by a lab (not at home). At this point, I don't know what consequences we have left to threaten with since we're not ready to throw him out (but he <strong>is</strong> willing to run away). We've had more success with "incentives" than we've had with "consequences".</p><p></p><p>Does he have us over a barrel? Yes. But is he making progress? Yes. I'm caught between my older son, who thinks he should be committed and "dried out" and my wife and difficult child's therapist, who think that the issues are more emotional, and the drugs are secondary.</p><p></p><p>Remember the game of standing in the middle of the see-saw, and trying to run to one end or the other before it hit the ground? Which end do I run to? If the problem truly is the Pot, then dealing with the emotional and "teen angst" issues won't help anything at all. If pot is a by-product of the other stuff, then dealing with him as a drug abuser will let the other problems continue to grow and get worse. </p><p></p><p>With the limited amount of time I have left with him in my house, I can't do both. Taking a tough-love approach I know he'll fight against will accomplish nothing, regardless of which side is right.</p><p></p><p>Also, so far he's done everything we've <em>asked</em> him to do, other than the curfew. The truth, though, is that we've only asked him to do a few things to start with, hoping to build on success. We didn't push as hard on certain things because we knew it would be fruitless. Has it worked? Don't know yet, it's only been a year. But there has been progress.</p><p></p><p>Again, I don't mean to demean anyone's opinion. After all, I asked for it! </p><p> :smile: </p><p>I truly appreciate what you're saying, and the exercise of having to respond to your comments, observations, and questions is helping me to sort out my own thought on where we are, and where we should be heading.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much for your response.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 32538, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">YOU have the right to say what you will or will not allow in your home. You can make the drug-use a "deal-breaker". You can drug-test him at home and set serious consequences for him if he tests dirty. It's not easy but you have to take a stand. Right now, he's holding all the cards and he knows it! </div></div> Donna, I agree with you. He does get drug tested, and by a lab (not at home). At this point, I don't know what consequences we have left to threaten with since we're not ready to throw him out (but he [b]is[/b] willing to run away). We've had more success with "incentives" than we've had with "consequences". Does he have us over a barrel? Yes. But is he making progress? Yes. I'm caught between my older son, who thinks he should be committed and "dried out" and my wife and difficult child's therapist, who think that the issues are more emotional, and the drugs are secondary. Remember the game of standing in the middle of the see-saw, and trying to run to one end or the other before it hit the ground? Which end do I run to? If the problem truly is the Pot, then dealing with the emotional and "teen angst" issues won't help anything at all. If pot is a by-product of the other stuff, then dealing with him as a drug abuser will let the other problems continue to grow and get worse. With the limited amount of time I have left with him in my house, I can't do both. Taking a tough-love approach I know he'll fight against will accomplish nothing, regardless of which side is right. Also, so far he's done everything we've [i]asked[/i] him to do, other than the curfew. The truth, though, is that we've only asked him to do a few things to start with, hoping to build on success. We didn't push as hard on certain things because we knew it would be fruitless. Has it worked? Don't know yet, it's only been a year. But there has been progress. Again, I don't mean to demean anyone's opinion. After all, I asked for it! [img]:smile:[/img] I truly appreciate what you're saying, and the exercise of having to respond to your comments, observations, and questions is helping me to sort out my own thought on where we are, and where we should be heading. Thank you very much for your response. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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Went and did it to myself this time....
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