Q had another rage this morning and I have a broken bedroom door and perhaps a broken toe...it is all black and blue. I finally went to my car and told him I was leaving (knowing he is a chicken) he followed and got in the car and I drove to a park. I told him to get out and take a walk and I would go get a soda for him. He was happy about that. while gone (a block away) I called the doctor office and they said well I can leave a message and I said I have done that for five days now....I need help now and if she is too busy then I need to know a referral name that can take over his care today. Her nurse then called me right back and said she had received my message last friday but figured I would call back and I again went off about how I had called back each and every day since then, following the directions and promises given by the doctor that she would talk to me, plan for a medication switch while we had the week off etc. UGGG I was so pi$$ed off. So, we are starting to reduce the lithium now and they gave me samples of zyprexa dissolving tabs (10 mg) for a rescue medication if he becomes aggressive (that is what they use in their out patient program). Since he has had problems on risperdal and seroquel I am not super excited about this but I am willing to try and just call for an ambulance if he goes nuts.... at this point I have nothing to lose. (well except all the plans made and hope that a new school placement would help. just so frustrating) We walked around some stores and he did well until the transition again. Came home and he started perseverating again and again. followed me upstairs (I basically hide away from him and my house is falling apart because doing anything while he is so agitated is useless) and grabbed my purse said he was going to go after me again because he is "on the bubble" (uses a TON of phrases over and over the past week....some appropriate to the situation others just make no sense).... This kid needs his anxiety to go way way down.... I have had enough. Breaks my heart for him and I would lose my house etc. if he has to go to a residential placement but I can't risk his doing something that will ruin his life, not to mention mine. So, I gave him the medication at 3:22 when he started kicking off again. IT is 4:21 now. He has twice started to escalate but is doing a bunch of things like arranging his room and asking if I think he is turning things around. Asking me questions like he used to and saying he is going to show me he can do better. Maybe it slowed his thinking down enough to help him. I hope so.