God, they are so stressful. All he wants is to make difficult child talk about his feelings. He's going to start talking to difficult child alone now. He doesn't want to hear the laundry list of complaints about difficult child. He said difficult child is very very disturbed and since we weren't doing anything to get him placement, we were going to have to put safety first and do what we had to to keep ourselves safe. He wasn't opposed apparently to window locks and cameras and basically keeping difficult child in his room when no one was watching him. He thought difficult child was very very disturbed, not normal. And speaks of it matter of factly. I said, last time you saw difficult child, it was after the three knives were found in his room; husband came home and said that you'd said you didn't think difficult child did it all. The therapist looked surprised, but I went on (I'd already gotten the information I needed), and said that actually, that morning the camera caught him racing to get the stool and scramble up to the top of the refrigerator to get the when husband went out the front door for a couple minutes. There was no doubt that difficult child did that. And if it wasn't him, then who was it, and I named the other kids and how could it be them. He said we had to put safety first, lock up everything, (which I wanted, but husband admitted he was lukewarm about). therapist said when you had toddler's you childproofed the house, well you have a very very disturbed child and you are going to have to put safety first. I asked what to do about the knives and the stealing and all he could say was to be safe. I asked about consequences. He said punishments don't work. I pointed out ignoring it doesn't work either. He seemed to agree, but said punishments don't work. Which was weird because earlier he chided difficult child for pouting at the dinner table and being sent away, and thus getting what he wanted by pouting. How was this different? difficult child steals or vandalizes, lies about it and gets away with it. No consequence. Lying works, just like pouting works. He asked difficult child about the problems on the cruise and difficult child described it all in third person: the shoe was missing, the bathing suit was gone, money disappeared. He called difficult child on it, and asked straight out, "What did you do with your shoes." difficult child kept insisting he didn't do anything with them, someone else did, or they just disappeared. therapist said, "Why are you lying, what will you gain by lying, why are you lying when you know you are lying and I know you are lying and they (us) know you are lying, what's the point of lying." difficult child just insisted he was telling the truth. therapist told us that there was no point in investigating these incidents unless we wanted to spend our lives playing spy. I wish I'd reminded him that even if it didn't benefit difficult child, it did benefit the others. After all it's not only difficult child's feelings and well being that matter. It matters to the other kids that they aren't being blamed for what difficult child does. husband thinks that if he says he doesn't think difficult child is doing it, it doesn't necessarily follow that someone else is doing it. Well, the knives didn't walk themselves into difficult child's room, the DS didn't smash itself, the money didn't just apparate into difficult child's possession (altho this is difficult child's theory). Everyone in the world knows that if difficult child isn't responsible, it's probably not daughter age 9, it's probably not husband...everyone knows it's probably one of them or me who's under suspicion. And that's not nice, not fair, and not going to improve family harmony. therapist says he and difficult child are going to work on difficult child's feelings about his mother. There's a lot of hurt and damage there. husband and difficult child also had a psychiatrist appointment today. psychiatrist kept on and on about getting difficult child out of the house. husband hasn't done anything about sending difficult child to his piece-of-work mother, but seems to think he should psychiatrist is so adamant. difficult child is going to camp for three weeks, but not until July 19. That appointment only lasted about 20 minutes. After dinner husband and I were on the patio and husband mentioned that he didn't appreciate how the therapist looked confused when I mentioned that husband reported therapist didn't think difficult child was doing all the stuff. He affirmed that the therapist did indeed say that, maybe because when he goes he, husband, does tell all about all the things difficult child does and there's so much the therapist can't believe it. Then husband said, well, it was two or three sessions ago, information has changed since. Ummm....no way, it was the last session, the day before our anniversary, the day that caused the big fight that made husband act out hostilely and passive aggressively (did I mention before, husband didn't come home for our anniversary, didn't call, but picked up difficult child from day care and took him to play pool at a bar and was annoyed when I showed up and tried to play the, 'How can you be mad when I was just teaching my son how to play pool?' game. Nor did he get me a gift, and his card was of the sorry I made mistakes, if I could do it over I would genre). Oh yes, I remember the last session very well. The best interpretation is that therapist said something similar and husband seized on it to his advantage particulary since the psychiatrist and police had said something similar. The worst interpretation is husband just out and out lied. husband said the therapist was playing games, but probably not. Altho I did catch him trying to finesse me, throw me a bone to sooth my ego. At one point therapist said I raised exceptionally fine young men. He said it almost facetiously, or maybe I'm just sensitive raw. But the fact remains, we'd never discussed my kids and he'd have no way of knowing if they were good kids or pains in the butts. If he thought he was going to mollify me, I don't appreciate that. Therapy only works with strict honesty, and I felt like he was trying to manipulate me. Didn't work, I'm not a fool. I might be wrong, but I think he was trying to play me. One more note. As I'm writing this husband said, "What'cha doing." "Writing." (our marital therapist has urged me to have a private outlet for my feelings and sorry guys but you might be it). He went away and came back a bit later. "I hope you are writing good things." I stopped writing and asked him what he wanted. He muttered nothing and is now sulking. It's my son's birthday and he has two friends over right now; I don't want a fight, and I don't feel I have to share my feelings with him when 1) he already knows them, and 2) it will just make everything more unpleasant than it is.