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Went Too Far Update 2
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 680183" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>This sounds to me like most of our d cs, who are going off the rails and have this feeling of entitlement, that we should help them, no matter what their choices are. Yes, it is a bag of tricks, and you are wise to brace yourself for more ridiculousness. The choices these young adults are making, are not good choices. I believe, deep down in the core of them, they know this. They are holding hands with their bad choices. The way they continue with this path, is to frame and blame. Use us up, then try to frame us as bad parents to anyone who will listen. Blame us, to keep us swimming in a pool of guilt and enabling. Stand your ground, Teacher, and know this is not your fault. We have all done the best jobs we could raising our children. Hopefully, with us standing firm, our kids will wake up and see what they are doing to themselves. They will have to feel the consequences of their choices, and while it is painful to witness, it is the only way we humans learn, by feeling the ramifications of our choices. She was able to ride your train for a bit, and this was comfortable for her. Now, she is hitting the desperation of those choices and trying to get herself back on Mommas train. It is good that you see this. Hard, when they reach out to family members to try to denigrate you, and get support from them. I do feel it is okay to let them know what is happening, if that is your choice. Then, maybe they will understand and not step in to enable her. These kids are very good at what they do, and will try anything and everything to fund their lifestyle. Stand firm Teacher. I suspect more of the same, but do agree with you that she will not try to go to court, it is the last place these kids want to be. It is a bluff.</p><p>So, the rest of the money is child support money.I agree with the others that child support is for the custodial parent to use in raising the child. <em>That you saved this money for her future is to your credit,</em> not hers.</p><p></p><p> Good for you Teacher. Some day, one day, she will wake up and be thankful for this. That is all of our hope. Until then, I think most of us learn through the choices and trickery of our d cs, that this is a challenging journey, and we do best by keeping our guard up, and focus on ourselves to be strong and ready for whatever comes next.</p><p></p><p>I have written this many times and write it as much for myself as for others. We do our d cs the best service, by growing stronger ourselves, building ourselves up and using the tools available to understand what is really going on here. Knowing that we as parents did the best job we could, and that these d cs are out there finding their way. It is their choice, their consequence. Through our great love for them, we were dragged down this path a bit, but then we wake up and realize what is really going on. So, we get out of the dazed and confused state this put us in, in the first place. Who the heck imagined in our wildest nightmares, that these kids we sacrificed for, had hopes and dreams for, would deviate so far from the path? It is a no wonder we are knocked off our feet and senseless for a time. Then we slowly get up and open our eyes. It hurts. Realizing that there is nothing left we can do, because we have no control over their choices, is key.</p><p>You are doing well Teacher. You are seeing that and have given her her wings to go out and try to find her way. That is a gift. I look back and see that I was tricked countless times to let my two back home. They just went further off the rails, took advantage of the situation and <em>resented us even more</em>, all the while <em>expecting more</em>. We just prolonged things, by giving in.</p><p>Keep standing your ground, at the same time build yourself up to keep your strength. It is a training for us battle weary warriors. Soldiers train hard, but they also take time for R and R. Make sure you take time to recoup.</p><p>You have value and you matter.</p><p></p><p>The best thing we can do for our d cs is <em>show them by example, how to live well.</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 680183, member: 19522"] This sounds to me like most of our d cs, who are going off the rails and have this feeling of entitlement, that we should help them, no matter what their choices are. Yes, it is a bag of tricks, and you are wise to brace yourself for more ridiculousness. The choices these young adults are making, are not good choices. I believe, deep down in the core of them, they know this. They are holding hands with their bad choices. The way they continue with this path, is to frame and blame. Use us up, then try to frame us as bad parents to anyone who will listen. Blame us, to keep us swimming in a pool of guilt and enabling. Stand your ground, Teacher, and know this is not your fault. We have all done the best jobs we could raising our children. Hopefully, with us standing firm, our kids will wake up and see what they are doing to themselves. They will have to feel the consequences of their choices, and while it is painful to witness, it is the only way we humans learn, by feeling the ramifications of our choices. She was able to ride your train for a bit, and this was comfortable for her. Now, she is hitting the desperation of those choices and trying to get herself back on Mommas train. It is good that you see this. Hard, when they reach out to family members to try to denigrate you, and get support from them. I do feel it is okay to let them know what is happening, if that is your choice. Then, maybe they will understand and not step in to enable her. These kids are very good at what they do, and will try anything and everything to fund their lifestyle. Stand firm Teacher. I suspect more of the same, but do agree with you that she will not try to go to court, it is the last place these kids want to be. It is a bluff. [I][/I]So, the rest of the money is child support money.I agree with the others that child support is for the custodial parent to use in raising the child. [I]That you saved this money for her future is to your credit,[/I] not hers. Good for you Teacher. Some day, one day, she will wake up and be thankful for this. That is all of our hope. Until then, I think most of us learn through the choices and trickery of our d cs, that this is a challenging journey, and we do best by keeping our guard up, and focus on ourselves to be strong and ready for whatever comes next. I have written this many times and write it as much for myself as for others. We do our d cs the best service, by growing stronger ourselves, building ourselves up and using the tools available to understand what is really going on here. Knowing that we as parents did the best job we could, and that these d cs are out there finding their way. It is their choice, their consequence. Through our great love for them, we were dragged down this path a bit, but then we wake up and realize what is really going on. So, we get out of the dazed and confused state this put us in, in the first place. Who the heck imagined in our wildest nightmares, that these kids we sacrificed for, had hopes and dreams for, would deviate so far from the path? It is a no wonder we are knocked off our feet and senseless for a time. Then we slowly get up and open our eyes. It hurts. Realizing that there is nothing left we can do, because we have no control over their choices, is key. You are doing well Teacher. You are seeing that and have given her her wings to go out and try to find her way. That is a gift. I look back and see that I was tricked countless times to let my two back home. They just went further off the rails, took advantage of the situation and [I]resented us even more[/I], all the while [I]expecting more[/I]. We just prolonged things, by giving in. Keep standing your ground, at the same time build yourself up to keep your strength. It is a training for us battle weary warriors. Soldiers train hard, but they also take time for R and R. Make sure you take time to recoup. You have value and you matter. The best thing we can do for our d cs is [I]show them by example, how to live well.[/I] (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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