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Went Too Far Update 2
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 680188" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>One more thing I have just thought of...you know, my Son was tried to manipulate me when he was cut off financially, and right before he found his own way to make a good financial living on his own.</p><p></p><p>He was broke and crying to me that he desperately needed money. He told me he was going to Detroit to strip in a "gay" club. And that he was even contemplating prostitution himself. YEP, he told me this. I did NOT give him money. This was awhile ago, I had forgotten about it until I walked away from just posting that and it struck me. We fought hard and heavy about me giving him money, and when I used to pay for his expenses, apartments, rent, furniture, vehicles, food, etc, it only made him worse. To me, he was a "bad experiment" because I did it ALL wrong with him. He failed worse, by me helping him.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like you are ahead of me in this area. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> You know what you need to do and it would have been nice if I had found this place years ago. lol.</p><p></p><p>I think he thought if he told me he was going to "sell" himself in a nasty way then I would feel bad and give him money. NOPE. Your daughter could be just trying to manipulate you, then again, she may go do it...I'd say, go more power to you.</p><p></p><p>I did not give him money, and I do not know if he did what he said he was going to do, but I told myself there are plenty of ways to make money. If he needs that much, what I figured would be more than just a minimum wage job, then he was up to no good. I cared, but I knew he had to make his own choices. Difficult Child will do what they want anyway...no matter what. Doesn't help them to give them money,esp a lot to go do no good acts.</p><p></p><p>I feel like he was my "experiment" that had gone wrong for awhile.</p><p></p><p>With my other two, they do not get much money from me. Because of Son, I learned the hard way that the way my kids are wired, is that they have to earn what they get. All I do is pay my 17 year olds phone bill. He bought his own car, he pays for his own gas, and his dad pays his car insurance.</p><p></p><p>With 21 year old daughter who even has a learning disability. Only thing we did for her was give her $300 for her deposit on apartment, and we co-signed for her apt. And, since she's lived on her own, for almost a year, I have paid one consumer bill, and one wireless internet bill (online, no money switched hands). She does it all on her own with those few exceptions. There was a time she was told by her neurosurgeon and doctors that she would probably not be able to live independently. Well, here she is....makes $9 and hour, works ususally 6 days a week as a housekeeper at a hotel and is just fine. I do budget her bank account and bills though....She also doens't have car expenses and lives within walking distance from her work.</p><p></p><p>So, these kids can do it...all on their own, in a decent area, where rent is somewhat cheap. Daughter is on a college campus...not attending, just happens to be inexpensive. $560 a month..</p><p></p><p>I just thought I would share this....it's sad to me, since naughty wayward Son, has so much more intelligence and earning power, but here's his sister working hard, and making things work on her own, no drugs, no ignorance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 680188, member: 20063"] One more thing I have just thought of...you know, my Son was tried to manipulate me when he was cut off financially, and right before he found his own way to make a good financial living on his own. He was broke and crying to me that he desperately needed money. He told me he was going to Detroit to strip in a "gay" club. And that he was even contemplating prostitution himself. YEP, he told me this. I did NOT give him money. This was awhile ago, I had forgotten about it until I walked away from just posting that and it struck me. We fought hard and heavy about me giving him money, and when I used to pay for his expenses, apartments, rent, furniture, vehicles, food, etc, it only made him worse. To me, he was a "bad experiment" because I did it ALL wrong with him. He failed worse, by me helping him. Sounds like you are ahead of me in this area. :) You know what you need to do and it would have been nice if I had found this place years ago. lol. I think he thought if he told me he was going to "sell" himself in a nasty way then I would feel bad and give him money. NOPE. Your daughter could be just trying to manipulate you, then again, she may go do it...I'd say, go more power to you. I did not give him money, and I do not know if he did what he said he was going to do, but I told myself there are plenty of ways to make money. If he needs that much, what I figured would be more than just a minimum wage job, then he was up to no good. I cared, but I knew he had to make his own choices. Difficult Child will do what they want anyway...no matter what. Doesn't help them to give them money,esp a lot to go do no good acts. I feel like he was my "experiment" that had gone wrong for awhile. With my other two, they do not get much money from me. Because of Son, I learned the hard way that the way my kids are wired, is that they have to earn what they get. All I do is pay my 17 year olds phone bill. He bought his own car, he pays for his own gas, and his dad pays his car insurance. With 21 year old daughter who even has a learning disability. Only thing we did for her was give her $300 for her deposit on apartment, and we co-signed for her apt. And, since she's lived on her own, for almost a year, I have paid one consumer bill, and one wireless internet bill (online, no money switched hands). She does it all on her own with those few exceptions. There was a time she was told by her neurosurgeon and doctors that she would probably not be able to live independently. Well, here she is....makes $9 and hour, works ususally 6 days a week as a housekeeper at a hotel and is just fine. I do budget her bank account and bills though....She also doens't have car expenses and lives within walking distance from her work. So, these kids can do it...all on their own, in a decent area, where rent is somewhat cheap. Daughter is on a college campus...not attending, just happens to be inexpensive. $560 a month.. I just thought I would share this....it's sad to me, since naughty wayward Son, has so much more intelligence and earning power, but here's his sister working hard, and making things work on her own, no drugs, no ignorance. [/QUOTE]
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