We're absolutely floored, easy child has been cutting for a year...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ThreeShadows, Mar 29, 2011.

  1. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Last evening she used a razor (supplied by an 8th grader at school). I was alone with her and she went to her room, came down screaming about blood being everywhere. It was a frighteningly deep gash on the back of her forearm which required ten stitches.

    We spent the night in the ER because the hospital wanted to evaluate her mental state. She will be attending a day program in a psychiatric-hospital and coming home at night.

    difficult child 1 went through her room and found that she has been making webcams about her cutting and posting them to other cutters. I just got quite an education, there is a group of like minded kids who communicate by posting notes via webcams. They give each other advice about how to do it. Some support group!

    She had recently told her father that she was depressed and needed help. He had a call into a local therapist but she did this first.

    At this point in my life, I feel like adoption has been a curse.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    (((hugs))) That must have been hard!

    Yes, sadly, cutting is a very social activity. They share razor blades, bandaids, cutting tips and they write songs and poems about how wonderful cutting is and makes you feel. It's really heartbreaking.

    Hopefully, she will get some help! I'm glad the hospital wanted to keep her for evaluation!
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to say...saying prayers for easy child and sending hugs for you.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, sweetie.

    Unfortunately, this is actually really common. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you... But I don't. I do have lots of hugs.

    Don't think about the adoption that way. I believe it was easy child that was with you in 2009? Beautiful young lady... (Unless I am WAY off...)

    Usually the cutting is surface, and it really does not bleed much - because it's more about having control, over the pain and what causes it, than it is about actual suicide. YES, it indicates there is something wrong, and if she said she was depressed and needed help? Then she is doing better than the "average" cutter. And the deep gash may have been a way of getting help sooner, rather than later.

    When I was a teenager - I didn't cut, but I would get frustrated and smack myself in the head, or on the arm with a brush - interesting bruises. If anyone had seen them, even then, the authorities would have been called. It was my way of punishing myself for not being able to control whatever it was I was frustrated with. It was a joke, then - that I would get so frustrated with my hair - but that was the symptom. I really, really needed counseling. And I never asked. I'm sure if I said this to my parents, now, they would blame themselves for not seeing it. But, really - kids are great at hiding things.

    More hugs, hon. Let us know what happens. Please...
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry 3S. Hugs.
  6. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Thank you, ladies. You really are family. I don't believe I could have sat through the interview with the hospital psychologist if I hadn't spent years reading the wisdom of this board. You were all there in the room with me, I could feel you.

    Step, yes, that was easy child whom you met.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It is a sign that she is in a lot of emotional pain and turmoil and doesn't know how to ask for help. It actually wouldn't surprise me to find any of ourkids were/are cutting. Not at this point. It is a way for them to handle things that are really un-handle-able, esp life with a difficult child.

    Cutting is addictive. Isn't that scary? It terrifies me. Cutting causes the release of endorphins, the body's reaction to pain. It can create a rush or high just like many drugs. Then the person keeps on cutting to try to get that feeling again. in my opinion it is very sad.

    Wiz went through quite a while using cutting to handle his emotions. It was a really hard time. I hope that easy child can accept the help that you are setting in motion for her. At least there is a program she can go to.
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* hon. There's a lot of reasons that cutters cut, hope she's open with you about why and is able to get and open to having help.
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry that she is in pain and so sorry that the rest of you are suffering along side.

    My thoughts and prayers your way....

  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter also cut (and used drugs). Adoption is not a curse. It's wonderful in my opinion. My daughter dumped the drugs and no longer cuts and she is a fine young lady. The problem is, often we feel that the adoption is not an issue...and with most adoptees it is on their minds, even if they won't talk about it when asked. I learned a lot about adoption through my adoptive parent group AND a special psychologist who only sees adopted children. Your child, like mine, also has the issue of having being uprooted from her culture. Although she doesn't remember it, it could be another issue on her mind. It was for my son, although we didn't find out about it until he was older. In fact, he acted as if everything with him was just great. Quite an actor he was.

    I also know a bit about cutting. My daughter did it "to get my mind off my problems." I had a very close friend who cut as a child and she said it was "To feel something." Both said it is addictive behavior and hard to stop. It doesn't help to have a cutting support group!

    Don't feel discouraged. She can still get over this and, with a good therapist, have a wonderful life. She may need to talk about her adoption. Girls, in particular, often feel abandoned by their birthmothers and, even if they KNOW you love them, they wonder why they were initially rejected. I had that with both of my adopted girls. And I suspected my oldest adopted son was very overwhelmed with his adoption...he may have been the one most affected, but he was least able to talk about it.

    Hugs...and don't give up!
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so sorry - many hugs.

    Ever since I can remember I have had the urge to cut, but I don't. The trigger is almost always a bad encounter with a man/date - (talk about dad issues). It is just an overwhelming urge and all I can do is shake and self soothe to get myself back out of that mindset. However, if I had grown up in this day and age I believe it would be totally different. It would have been a "cool" or a socially acceptable way to deal with my pain, and I for sure would have acted on it.

    Matt does not cut, but he does what Step was talking about - hits himself, bites himself, or burns himself if he is really, really upset. I know when I see this, something is very wrong. Believe it or not he has been doing this since he was 2.

    You have gotten her help, and that is the most important thing. The physical act of hurting ourselves stems from our own hatred of ourselves. I hope that she can find the courage through therapy and you to love herself again.

    Hugs & strength.
  12. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    3 Shadows, many hugs. I think it is so unsettling when our easy child's do something that is "difficult child ish". It made me get to the point of wanting to self destruct.
    Keep in mind that she has a lifetime ahead of her and this is one blip in a long line of ups and downs.
    The secrets and lying are really the worst isn't it? Makes you think that everything is fake. I'm sorry about your sadness. I hope the help you get for her
    will do the trick. It's a slow process.
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    You are a wonderful mother... she ultimately asked for help. And you are there for her.
  14. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry 3S (hugs) - I know that both of you must be so scared. I'm glad she came to you right away so she could get help.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive thoughts your way. I can only imagine how shocked you were/are but at least now it's on the table and you can seek help. Hugs. DDD
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yikes! What a shock!
    I am so sorry.
    I know how you feel about the adoption issue. But then, I've thought the same thing about marriage, home ownership, my dogs, you name it. ;)

    Is there any way that the severity of this particular cut might put a scare into her so she'll quit?
    I'm glad she's in treatment now.
  17. Jena

    Jena New Member

    soo lucky to have you she is.......... so hard i can't imagine how shocked you must of been. i hope your resting today a little bit. all i can say is we're all here for you, hang on, she's getting the help that she needs now. your a great great mom and those kids will be better people from having known you and been being raised by u, remember that.

  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    An entire year?!?!? Glad you found this now. Sending good thoughts that a good plan is put in place for her.

  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Nichole started cutting quite young.......not long after katie took off with the kids. It was a while before I caught on, but then I knew nothing about "cutting" at the time........I just happened to grow suspicious that she had taken a sudden interest in wearing hoodies and jeans in 90 degree temps with no air conditioning.

    Nichole was expert about hiding her cutting from everyone but me. But then I'm an expert at body language. It did no good to lock up sharp objects as she'd use anything. She got very creative. Her legs were a mass of scars, many on her arms have since faded to the point now where you'd have to look very hard to find them. Tattoos she designed herself cover the scars on her legs from the world.

    It was a very scary time for us, all of us, including her.

    I'm so sorry easy child has started cutting. And I have to say it worries me that she connected with a group of kids via online that cut and post it. Nichole's psychiatrist and I discussed the booming fad of cutting among teens, which in both our opinions makes it even scarier. Because cutting can become an addictive type behavior over time.

    While Nichole came to terms with the pain that drove her to cut we did all we could to come up with creative ways for her to express it other than cutting from drawing on her skin with markers to painting.....and a few "out there" ideas too.

    I'm here if you need to talk.

    Praying for easy child. She's a great kid. And it's a very good thing she finally came forward for help.

  20. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    3S, I'm so sorry. ((((hugs)))

    kt's been cutting on & off for 3 years now ~ it's such an unsettling & disturbing behavior. It's so hard to watch ~ harder, I think, to handle the root cause of cutting.

    Take care, my friend.