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Were you a difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nature" data-source="post: 690907" data-attributes="member: 19011"><p>Yes, I was a Difficult Child in my teens as were my brother and sister My dad was alcoholic who frequently beat my mother, brother and sister senseless. I was never touched as I was the quiet one who retreated in the shadows except for one occasion when my father held a knife to my throat as a youngster for refusing to finish dinner. Sadly, my sister the outspoken one who even at age 8 was fearless and would stand in front of my mother to protect her would get the brunt of my dads anger. I also remember thinking he was going to kill my mother and I one night when she had added salt to his homemade wine which he had made for his 21 year old girlfriend. He returned to the house in a rage and my mom and I raced up the stairs to my room and barricaded the door which he was ramming with his body while my mom and I pushed for dear life against a dresser which we used to block the door. I thought for sure he was going to kill us that night my fear of him was so great. Both my parents had lost their parents at early ages and I never had grandparents, aunts or uncles. My fathers alcoholic friends abused my sister and I when my dad passed out and my mother was at work. I remember feeling powerless and angry.</p><p></p><p>My parents separated when I was 7 the first time and my sister and I moved into a basement suite with my mom. She worked the 3-11 shift at a hotel and my sister and I only saw her for 45 mins each morning until she returned at midnight. The woman who lived upstairs was supposed to keep an eye on us but never did, nor did she ever give us anything to eat and as a result I would be the kid that other mothers would feed or have at their homes all the time. My sister probably did the same as we never bring up those days. My parents eventually got back together but eventually I returned home on Christmas Eve where I had been staying with a friend waiting for my mom who got off at midnight that evening. We walked home in the snow and when we entered the house we found most of our belongings gone. He had left to go live with his girlfriend and despite the season I remember jumping up with joy that this horrible person was gone. Life was tough for my mom supporting three children and working long hours and all of us got into drugs- me at 12 into hard drugs, skipping school and shop lifting. I often feel I grew up without parents as even as young as 6 or 7 I came and went as I pleased, no one asked where I had been, we never sat down for meals together except for Christmas and Easter and I was often sleeping at friends homes and never needed permission. I realized as I grew older this was not normal for most families but it was</p><p>all I knew at the time. At 14 I was dating a 25 year old biker and thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I didn't respect my mother, had a gutter mouth and continued with heavy drug use and even sold hashish for the biker group. I look back at this and don't recognize myself.</p><p></p><p>At 16, I gave up the drugs and despite quitting school,I eventually returned - didn't drink or do drugs after that time which continues to this day. For years people would often comment if I was always this happy as I believed I was at that time. I felt somehow I escaped a life of hell. I became a mom for the first time at 18 - was very responsible at that age, rarely went out, worked several jobs, left home at 19, put myself through university and rarely ever associated with my family. Instead I integrated myself with people with nice families, raised my children to be around people who were "normal". My relationships involved decent caring men My children had happy, stable childhoods, I was very involved in the community, president of the parents committee at their schools, hockey coach, boy scout leader .....think I became an over achiever to make up my own background and in retrospect became too involved in my children's lives but I wanted so much for my kids to feel loved and cared for. I only saw my mom occasionally as my brother was an addict and still lived in my moms home and my sister eventually moved to an isolated area on a mountain after the end of her marriage. I believe it was her way of escaping. My family deals with crisis by escaping and I realized I too had done the same by escaping from them. I tried to help my mom numerous times but she enabled my brother. I felt she choose him and his violent behaviour due to drug use instead of me who was raising my child, going to university as well as working part time.</p><p></p><p>My brothers violence erupted one night so that he aimed a shotgun at my head in front of my son who was screaming. I called the police to have him removed. Once released my mom allowed him back into the home and I moved away and rarely have gone back. I did not want my son to experience that kind of childhood filled with violence. I raised him on my own for 9 years until I met my youngest son father. My youngest had a stable environment - two parents, nice neighbourhood , good school until his dad left unexpectedly when he was 14 to live with his best friends wife. I never saw it coming. My youngest took it really hard and was involved shortly with drugs afterwards. I also think that my gene pool was not so great.</p><p></p><p>Now I've come full circle ...I'm currently stepping up to help my mom, sister and brother. My two sons , the eldest whom has Aspergers and the youngest with mental health and drug issues who is currently in jail. I sometimes ask "what went wrong?" I tried so hard to escape that destiny that befell my family members but see my youngest son with the same issues. Apologies for my long ramble I've never told my story to anyone with the exception of my significant others who have "snippets of my background" but not the full story.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nature, post: 690907, member: 19011"] Yes, I was a Difficult Child in my teens as were my brother and sister My dad was alcoholic who frequently beat my mother, brother and sister senseless. I was never touched as I was the quiet one who retreated in the shadows except for one occasion when my father held a knife to my throat as a youngster for refusing to finish dinner. Sadly, my sister the outspoken one who even at age 8 was fearless and would stand in front of my mother to protect her would get the brunt of my dads anger. I also remember thinking he was going to kill my mother and I one night when she had added salt to his homemade wine which he had made for his 21 year old girlfriend. He returned to the house in a rage and my mom and I raced up the stairs to my room and barricaded the door which he was ramming with his body while my mom and I pushed for dear life against a dresser which we used to block the door. I thought for sure he was going to kill us that night my fear of him was so great. Both my parents had lost their parents at early ages and I never had grandparents, aunts or uncles. My fathers alcoholic friends abused my sister and I when my dad passed out and my mother was at work. I remember feeling powerless and angry. My parents separated when I was 7 the first time and my sister and I moved into a basement suite with my mom. She worked the 3-11 shift at a hotel and my sister and I only saw her for 45 mins each morning until she returned at midnight. The woman who lived upstairs was supposed to keep an eye on us but never did, nor did she ever give us anything to eat and as a result I would be the kid that other mothers would feed or have at their homes all the time. My sister probably did the same as we never bring up those days. My parents eventually got back together but eventually I returned home on Christmas Eve where I had been staying with a friend waiting for my mom who got off at midnight that evening. We walked home in the snow and when we entered the house we found most of our belongings gone. He had left to go live with his girlfriend and despite the season I remember jumping up with joy that this horrible person was gone. Life was tough for my mom supporting three children and working long hours and all of us got into drugs- me at 12 into hard drugs, skipping school and shop lifting. I often feel I grew up without parents as even as young as 6 or 7 I came and went as I pleased, no one asked where I had been, we never sat down for meals together except for Christmas and Easter and I was often sleeping at friends homes and never needed permission. I realized as I grew older this was not normal for most families but it was all I knew at the time. At 14 I was dating a 25 year old biker and thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I didn't respect my mother, had a gutter mouth and continued with heavy drug use and even sold hashish for the biker group. I look back at this and don't recognize myself. At 16, I gave up the drugs and despite quitting school,I eventually returned - didn't drink or do drugs after that time which continues to this day. For years people would often comment if I was always this happy as I believed I was at that time. I felt somehow I escaped a life of hell. I became a mom for the first time at 18 - was very responsible at that age, rarely went out, worked several jobs, left home at 19, put myself through university and rarely ever associated with my family. Instead I integrated myself with people with nice families, raised my children to be around people who were "normal". My relationships involved decent caring men My children had happy, stable childhoods, I was very involved in the community, president of the parents committee at their schools, hockey coach, boy scout leader .....think I became an over achiever to make up my own background and in retrospect became too involved in my children's lives but I wanted so much for my kids to feel loved and cared for. I only saw my mom occasionally as my brother was an addict and still lived in my moms home and my sister eventually moved to an isolated area on a mountain after the end of her marriage. I believe it was her way of escaping. My family deals with crisis by escaping and I realized I too had done the same by escaping from them. I tried to help my mom numerous times but she enabled my brother. I felt she choose him and his violent behaviour due to drug use instead of me who was raising my child, going to university as well as working part time. My brothers violence erupted one night so that he aimed a shotgun at my head in front of my son who was screaming. I called the police to have him removed. Once released my mom allowed him back into the home and I moved away and rarely have gone back. I did not want my son to experience that kind of childhood filled with violence. I raised him on my own for 9 years until I met my youngest son father. My youngest had a stable environment - two parents, nice neighbourhood , good school until his dad left unexpectedly when he was 14 to live with his best friends wife. I never saw it coming. My youngest took it really hard and was involved shortly with drugs afterwards. I also think that my gene pool was not so great. Now I've come full circle ...I'm currently stepping up to help my mom, sister and brother. My two sons , the eldest whom has Aspergers and the youngest with mental health and drug issues who is currently in jail. I sometimes ask "what went wrong?" I tried so hard to escape that destiny that befell my family members but see my youngest son with the same issues. Apologies for my long ramble I've never told my story to anyone with the exception of my significant others who have "snippets of my background" but not the full story. [/QUOTE]
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