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What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 642166" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Hmmm....</p><p></p><p>It is shocking to think that you both could be right. <em>This is certainly what husband says, and continues to say, about my mother and family of origin and even our kids.</em></p><p></p><p>As time passes, I am forgetting, like I always do, the harshness of what happens. </p><p></p><p>What you are saying is that people cannot, or that there are people who choose not to, change, once they know a better way. That the better way I think I see does not exist for them, <em>or the situations that now exist would not have existed to begin with.</em></p><p></p><p><em>?</em></p><p></p><p>But what about Maya's "When we knew better we did better", or Christianity or psychotherapy or fighting against racism and so on? </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Why would the father call at all, unless he valued his relationship to his daughter?</p><p></p><p>Why would he not just cut everything off and talk badly about her behind her back forever, sort of uniting to exclude the one who stood up? That, sick as it sounds, is how they do it in my family of origin. They unite in hatred, headed by my mother.</p><p></p><p><em>They do not call.</em></p><p></p><p>Except that my sister did. </p><p></p><p>Repeatedly.</p><p></p><p>Well...if these things are true, if it really is true that people, certain people, choose to use and hate and abuse and will manipulate to get you back into those old, harmful patterns <em>that would explain why husband never changes his mind, once he has decided against someone.</em></p><p></p><p>It would make sense, raised as I was, that I would not recognize a healthy boundary that does not relent and forgive and work together to make it better if it jumped up and bit me.</p><p></p><p>Well I just don't know what to think.</p><p></p><p>I always thought Witz' family was the exception, not the rule. I know them to be hellacious ~ rabid even.</p><p></p><p>You could hold faith all you wanted to with a family like that and they would only hurt you more, as they have done with Witz, time and time again.</p><p></p><p>But I thought they were the exception.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 642166, member: 17461"] Hmmm.... It is shocking to think that you both could be right. [I]This is certainly what husband says, and continues to say, about my mother and family of origin and even our kids.[/I] As time passes, I am forgetting, like I always do, the harshness of what happens. What you are saying is that people cannot, or that there are people who choose not to, change, once they know a better way. That the better way I think I see does not exist for them, [I]or the situations that now exist would not have existed to begin with.[/I] [I]?[/I] But what about Maya's "When we knew better we did better", or Christianity or psychotherapy or fighting against racism and so on? Cedar Why would the father call at all, unless he valued his relationship to his daughter? Why would he not just cut everything off and talk badly about her behind her back forever, sort of uniting to exclude the one who stood up? That, sick as it sounds, is how they do it in my family of origin. They unite in hatred, headed by my mother. [I]They do not call.[/I] Except that my sister did. Repeatedly. Well...if these things are true, if it really is true that people, certain people, choose to use and hate and abuse and will manipulate to get you back into those old, harmful patterns [I]that would explain why husband never changes his mind, once he has decided against someone.[/I] It would make sense, raised as I was, that I would not recognize a healthy boundary that does not relent and forgive and work together to make it better if it jumped up and bit me. Well I just don't know what to think. I always thought Witz' family was the exception, not the rule. I know them to be hellacious ~ rabid even. You could hold faith all you wanted to with a family like that and they would only hurt you more, as they have done with Witz, time and time again. But I thought they were the exception. [/QUOTE]
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What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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