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What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 642173" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sadly, I don't believe "When we know better we do better." All of our children and our difficult child parents KNOW better. They weren't brought up not seeing kindness and choose to turn away from it. They are so into their own misery and power that they DON'T do better. They want US to do better for THEM. More, more, more. What can YOU do for me lately?</p><p>It is on purpose, in my opinion. I don't expect most who seem to have always been inherently bad people to ever change. I don't think they mull over what happens to them. I don't think they are teachable.</p><p></p><p>I think my father does indeed have something in this for him. I can't think of any time he has ever done anything altruistic without expecting huge kudos or he'd take it back. He never did say, "I'm sorry I blamed you for my own mistake and said such horrible things to you, things that no father says to his daughter, I was wrong, wrong, wrong."</p><p></p><p>He just wants "us" (as if we were both participating in the hate) to put it behind us.</p><p></p><p>I did not feel warm and fuzzy. I did not think "Ah, he actually saw the light." We have done this before a nd he is the same old jerk he always is. He must be shocked that I don't give a flip about his inheritance, but I don't. I don't even want it. It screws up my benefits. For anyone who is conservative or a libertarian and thinks I shouldn't get any, I am NOT sorry...lol. I am explaining. His inheritance is a waste that I have to spend only on certain things and in one month and I wish he'd give it to one of my kids or all of them. But he won't. I brought it up to him and he answered as if he hadn't even been listening to me, which was probably true.</p><p></p><p>I believe narcissists and antisocials may learn how to evade the law better as they get older, but that they do not become empathetic or nice people. They are just beginning to have success with borderlines WHO WANT TO CHANGE, which is NOT the vast majority. I think about this issue in a radical acceptance way. It is what it is. He is what he is. He doesn't have the emotions or insight to know how to change so he won't change.</p><p></p><p>My biggest regret is that I've lived with so many personality disordered people so I know too much about it...lol.</p><p></p><p>As for my Dad, he took a hit in my respect parade with his last incident. I may love him as my father, although I love many people way more than him, but I don't respect him. And if he doesn't call me xxxx amount of days, I don't notice, "Hey, Dad hasn't called." He isn't really a big part of my life. He never has been. I have almost no memories of him as a father since he was never home other than the Sunday morning fights that grew semi-violent with my baiting, crazed mother. He never participated in our childhood at all and that continues to this day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 642173, member: 1550"] Sadly, I don't believe "When we know better we do better." All of our children and our difficult child parents KNOW better. They weren't brought up not seeing kindness and choose to turn away from it. They are so into their own misery and power that they DON'T do better. They want US to do better for THEM. More, more, more. What can YOU do for me lately? It is on purpose, in my opinion. I don't expect most who seem to have always been inherently bad people to ever change. I don't think they mull over what happens to them. I don't think they are teachable. I think my father does indeed have something in this for him. I can't think of any time he has ever done anything altruistic without expecting huge kudos or he'd take it back. He never did say, "I'm sorry I blamed you for my own mistake and said such horrible things to you, things that no father says to his daughter, I was wrong, wrong, wrong." He just wants "us" (as if we were both participating in the hate) to put it behind us. I did not feel warm and fuzzy. I did not think "Ah, he actually saw the light." We have done this before a nd he is the same old jerk he always is. He must be shocked that I don't give a flip about his inheritance, but I don't. I don't even want it. It screws up my benefits. For anyone who is conservative or a libertarian and thinks I shouldn't get any, I am NOT sorry...lol. I am explaining. His inheritance is a waste that I have to spend only on certain things and in one month and I wish he'd give it to one of my kids or all of them. But he won't. I brought it up to him and he answered as if he hadn't even been listening to me, which was probably true. I believe narcissists and antisocials may learn how to evade the law better as they get older, but that they do not become empathetic or nice people. They are just beginning to have success with borderlines WHO WANT TO CHANGE, which is NOT the vast majority. I think about this issue in a radical acceptance way. It is what it is. He is what he is. He doesn't have the emotions or insight to know how to change so he won't change. My biggest regret is that I've lived with so many personality disordered people so I know too much about it...lol. As for my Dad, he took a hit in my respect parade with his last incident. I may love him as my father, although I love many people way more than him, but I don't respect him. And if he doesn't call me xxxx amount of days, I don't notice, "Hey, Dad hasn't called." He isn't really a big part of my life. He never has been. I have almost no memories of him as a father since he was never home other than the Sunday morning fights that grew semi-violent with my baiting, crazed mother. He never participated in our childhood at all and that continues to this day. [/QUOTE]
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What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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